My Solemn Oath to You
by Ariadne The Alchemist
Summary: Complete, but under construction. An extension of Comrades. Canaan explores his newfound feelings for a certain silver haired boy... C&c. Slight c&KM.
1. An Oath

Yo! I have returned! My multi-chapter Cc story has commenced! YAY! This is not so much a sequel to "Comrades" as it is an…extension I guess. Definitely more yaoi-ish though. I am very excited, and have nothing else to say.

On with the fic!

* * *

_What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! _

_And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?_

* * *

This is not working. 

This was a mistake, a flub, a fluke, an overall bad idea. Why am I doing this again? Ah yes, because I choose to listen to my head.

I'm never going to get to sleep with all that noise...

My eyes fluttered open to the dark, lifeless room which was the men's cabin aboard the Elsa. I was lying face up on one of the bunks and starring blankly up toward ceiling. I was rather... bored, as strange as that seems to me. I'm never bored, why am I bored? Why do I care?

_You're the one who wanted to try out the human way of sleeping, remember? _

I am a Realian, and Realians don't technically need to sleep. In fact, I think that this is the first time I've been in a bed. Usually what I, and what most Realians do, is just lay on some sort of maintenace machine, shut down as the system went to work repairing the wear and tear of the day, and you processed the information you had recorded. You could probably call it "dreaming," although it was much less glamorous then what humans did while they slept. Ours took less time and the "dreams" where much less imaginative, but it was the next best thing, I suppose.

Tonight, however, just for the heck of it, I decided to try it their way.

I figured if I allowed my conscience to just "drift," not let it shut down completely of course, then maybe I could humbly reproduce the act of actually sleeping, actually dreaming. There were a few technical things to it of course, like making sure my data didn't back up or something, but theoretically it was possible. In my planning, it was probable.

What I didn't plan on was that I would be unable to fall asleep, due to... conditions, out of my control.

The culprits were the chorus of snores currently resonating throughout the cabin. They were loud and relentless, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't concentrate on anything, let alone something as precise as falling asleep. Cursed nasal blockage...

I listed to the sounds of my fellow crew members, and was slightly amused to find how each related so well to their personalities. For example, Captain Mathews sounded like a engine badly needing some repair. Hammer and Tony both sounded like animals that were being strangled. Jin talked in his sleep, and Allen made these whinny noises in between breaths. What I didn't understand was how anyone could even _stay _asleep with all this racket. I'm surprised the girls in the room across haven't complained yet, but maybe they just ignore it. Or wear earplugs.

But, in the midst of all this... noise, I couldn't help but notice, with some amount of satisfaction, that there was one person who slept as graceful and silent as the dead.

This person was chaos, and he was fast asleep in the bed right across from mine.

Very similar to his state of being awake, he had this calm, relaxed look about him. Very peaceful and adorned with a slight smile. He slept without blankets or pillows, preferring the sharp cold around him. He lay on his back, with one arm over his chest, and his head was tilted slightly towards me. Like I said, all grace.

To top it all off, he slept shirtless. This didn't help me out too much...

I sighed up toward the ceiling, puffing that bit of hair from my eye. It's been strange for me for a while, I had been feeling, _something, _ever since our conversation on the Durandal. This... weird knot in my stomach that won't go away, it's actually quite relentless and annoying. What is it actually? Is there something wrong with my digestive track?

Doubtful.

It's just there. It's _there. _It won't go away, it's like me, it's stubborn. But… the weird part was? I don't think I want it too. You know, go away.

I remember when I said I wasn't "in love" with chaos. But, I guess, I don't really understand what "love" is. It's a weird phenomena, and it's concept was confusing. There have been wars about it, countless songs and stories about it, some people kill the ones they love, and others are just left heart-broken and demolished. Why? All that pain for another person? At first it seemed like another strange and ridiculous concept made up by the equally strange and ridiculous human mind, but then...

Then I put myself in the shoes of all those poets and killers and devastated souls. I imagined a world waking up to realize that _he_ was... gone. It didn't bode well, I couldn't look at myself, or food for that matter, for a week. But is that really love?

Maybe I am in love with him. Maybe I'm not. Can I even be in love? Either way, though, what am I supposed to do about it? I have my duties, and he has is. There are responsibilities we have, and people we must obey, laws to follow, things to do, places to see... you know, those sorts of things.

Besides, there's always_... her... _to consider…

Well, all I can do now is sit and hope for the best. Or, in this case, sleep and hope for the best. Or is it to sleep on it? Whatever.

I was suddenly amazed that my eyes were growing heavy, my consciousness slowly slipping away. Maybe this sleep thing has some hope after all. I drifted off with many questions, and seldom few answers...

But I think I dreamed something like this.

_chaos… I will do anything for you, or for one whom you loved. That is all I can give you now, just this solemn oath, this truth of truths that I will not let anything happen to you that caused you pain._

_And now, I will wait._

* * *

Believe it or not, those last few lines are actually based off of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I had to dissect it in English class. It's actually not a bad book, and I got that lovely quote from it. And the thing at the beginning? From Hamlet. (sighs at own nerdiness) 

Cheers! ATA


	2. Two Requests

Chapter TWO is here! There will be not so much insight into the mind of Canaan as there will be techno watsits and overall story progression. I'll make it up, promise! This story is not going to follow the Xenosaga story line once it gets past this point.

To my lovely review_er._

Shartae: I got the inspiration! Yay! I think I'm the _only _writer to have written a C/c fic on this website so far. Kinda neat. Glad you have such a strong liking for them, cause I'm not going anywhere! HA!

Notice I said review_er_ up there. Only one reviewer for chapter one… OH WELL. I would have written the whole story anyway even if I didn't get one review. He he. Onward now!

My eyes flickered open as my consciousness slowly came back online. I felt oddly...refreshed. As if I had been resting for days. I sat up in my bunk and glanced around the room. It was empty.

_It must be fairly late. There aren't any stragglers here except myself._

My "stomach" was telling me that it was well passed time for my morning nourishment. I got up from the bed and proceeded to make my way to the door.

_Just how late is it? I don't hear anything from the outside._

Being rather groggy, uncoordinated, and otherwise half-asleep, I didn't notice someone coming in a split second before I walked outside. I promptly smacked into said person. Hard.

"Watch it." I grumbled, annoyed to have someone in my way so early in the morning.

Then I noticed who the person was I just mowed down. As cruel fate would have it, it was chaos.

_Wonderful. Just wonderful. I've managed to act like a jerk in front of him even before I'm wide awake._

_"_Sorry chaos..." I said rather lamely.

"Not too worry. I'm just glad too see you're up." He moved into the cabin and sat in a nearby chair. "We were starting to get a little worried."

"Why?" I asked, still standing.

"You slept for nearly ten hours. When we did try to finally we wake you up, you wouldn't budge."

Ten hours? No wonder I felt so refreshed. I slept nearly half the day.

"What I wish to know," chaos continued, "is why you decided to sleep in the cabin last night. Don't you usually sleep on a matenance bed?"

"I do, but I thought of a way to sleep the regular way."

"Define regular."

This question caught me off guard. Why did he want to know? "Regular" was the way every other human slept, right? But, the way Realians slept was regular to them, right? Then again, what _was _the real difference besides a few technicalities? Being kept awake buy a bunch of snoring men?

_I don't need this headache when I've just woken up, thank you very much. _

Apparently, he wasn't finished. "Did you just want to 'try it out'? See what it was like? That's understandable. You were just curious, correct?"

chaos had this unique way of teasing people. He would ask a question about something they said that would make them think. Thinking about the question would make them feel silly. Then they would usually come to the conclusion that their idea wasn't a very good one. Then chaos would turn around and answer his own question, making them feel instead like they had made a good point. It was incredibly aggravating, but incredibly..._cute. _And it worked every single time.

"When's Jr. due back?" I asked, quickly changing the subject, and trying to avoid embarrassing myself with his mind games.

"In a few hours. He did have to go all the way Second Miltia to meet with Representative Helmer. The information we gathered from Miltia was too sensitive to relay via U.M.N. There's always a possibility of a hack, so Jr. decided it would be safer to deliver the information personally."

"So we'll rendezvous with the Durandel in a few hours. I assume we'll have our new orders then."

"Most likely. In the mean time, " he said, while standing up from his seat, "since I know your probably hungry, would you like to join me for a late breakfast?"

I nodded curtly, but on the inside I was practically bubbling over. Sure, I was hungry, but the fact he asked _me _to breakfast was rather flattering.

_My advisor was right. My emotions are getting to a level where I can't control them. I can't imagine what they would be like if my suppressor wasn't there at all..._

_Wait…wasn't there, _

_is that? _

_Yes…it was. _

_Wasn't there,_

_wasn't there at all…_

Then, an idea hit me like lightening.

"chaos." I said abruptly. "Please forgive me, but breakfast will have to wait. I just realized I have an important matter to attend to."

I hurried off in the opposite direction, leaving a rather startled chaos alone outside the mess hall.

Inside, I was cursing myself violently for purposely ending my chance to spend time with him.

But, if I wanted to understand these emotions...all that I've been feeling...this was something I had to do.

My destination was the one of the U.M.N. ports on the bridge. I knew I could use the public one near the two cabins, but this was...personal. I didn't want anyone to accidentally overhear it.

To my relief, the bridge was empty.

_Good, it's on auto-pilot. Everyone must still be in the mess-hall._

I quickly found a port and sat down at the station. I typed in my code and destination. I waited impatiently as my call was going through.

I knew there were only a select few people who about emotion suppressors. And even fewer who could remove them. And the only person who could help me remove it without completely dismantling my main data frame…

A man came on the screen.

His red eyes starred back into mine.

Director Wilhelm of Vector Industries.

"Ah, Mr. Canaan." He murmured, "I was a little surprised when I heard you were calling. How are you doing?"

"With all due respect sir," I said flatly, "I didn't call to chat. I have a request."

"Straight to business I see. And what would this request be?"

"Sir," I continued, "my emotions as of late have been growing to a level where my suppressor cannot control them."

"I see. So, do you want another one? With today's current technology, I'm sure we could..."

"You misunderstand me. I don't want a new one. I want it removed, permanently."

Surprise registered on his face.

"I can perform the procedure myself," I continued, "but in order to do that..."

"You need the access code to your main data frame."

He let out a long deep sigh.

"Mr. Canaan, you are aware that the reason we put that code in in the first place was to keep Realians from messing with their programming, correct?"

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

"And we at Vector have a strict rule _not_ to give away that code under any circumstances."

"Yes sir."

He leaned closer to the screen.

"What makes your case so special, Mr. Canaan? Even if I do decide to give you the code, and you _somehow_ succeeded in removing a program deeply integrated into your frame, how would you cope with the sudden ability to…well…_feel?"_

"I would perform to the best of my ability, sir. It will not affect my performance in any way whatsoever. You will not hear any complaints if there are any side-effects. I will tell no one where I got the code from, and I will only use it for this occasion only. You have my word."

He leaned back and slowly rubbed his eyes.

"Besides, if you don't give me the code," I continued, "I'll find someone to take my head apart piece by piece."

"You are not going to give up on this, are you?"

"No."

"I know I'm going to regret this, but...all right. I'm sending over the code now. You are not to tell anyone where you got this, under any circumstances. If I ever hear of you abusing this code, you will be discharged from Special Forces immediately and your suppressor will be reinstated. Is that clear?"

"Crystal sir."

"Very well. And Mr. Canaan, good luck."

His face was then replaced with several hundred numbers and letters that were pages long.

The code, I assumed.

_Vector sure doesn't want others messing with their Realians. _

I quickly copied it on to disk and shut down the console. It was hard to imagine this little piece of technology was now my key to being able to understand this mess. Or so I hoped.

I finished just in time. It was then I heard a deep rumble, and the ship slightly shook.

_We must be docking with the Durandel._

I heard several footsteps coming toward the doors. I got up and resumed my normal crossed arms position near the back. I head a chattering of voices, one of them belonging to Jr.

_So he's back... I wonder where we'll be off too next. _

"...changed too much. You would think people would be a little freaked out, but no, they won't acknowledge the fact that the damn universe is officially minus one planet."

Definitely Jr. I assumed he was talking about his trip to Second Miltia.

He entered the bridge with a scowl on his face. Trailing him were Shion, Allen, Jin, KOS-MOS, and of course, chaos, loyally following _her _as usual.

"Where is everyone?" Jr. grumbled. He went over and punched the intercom. "Hey! Where are you guys! Come to the bridge now, ok? I got our new orders from Helmer."

Slowly everyone shuffled into the bridge until they were at their usual posts. I thought I saw chaos looking at me a little strangely, but when I turned to check, he had the same neutral face he always had.

_Just my eyes playing tricks on me._

"All right everyone." Jr. said in a commanding tone. "As you know, I've just had a conference with Representative Helmer. I told him everything we gathered from Miltia about the Zohar, Proto Omega, Margulis, Dr. Mizrahi, everything. He's going to talk to the federation immediately about possible courses of action."

The Zohar...I personally didn't see it, nor did I see what happened to it. After Jin left to take care of his "unfinished business," I just went back to the ship. What I did understand was that something happened there that made everyone...sad. I know the planet blew up, but something else made everyone so depressed, especially Shion.

"What are the new orders?" Jin inquired.

Jr. smirked. "Believe it or not, we technically have no new orders. Helmer thought we have been "put under an enormous amount of stress as of late," so, we're officially on vacation!"

Everyone's eyes widened. So did mine. Since when did the Representative of Second Miltia get to be such a softy?

"Are you serious?" asked Allen.

"Yep. So I figured while we're docked with the Durandel, we could head off to the Kukai foundation in a few hours. We could go shopping, or get some food, and then go to the beach!"

I could tell everyone's spirits had been lifted a little bit. Even Ziggy looked a little happier.

While everyone was busy talking and planning what to do on their "time off," I remembered my objective. I casually pulled Jr. aside from the others.

"What's up Canaan?"

"I need a favor."

"Oh? What kinda favor?" he asked teasingly, "Does it involve lovely lady?"

If only he knew.

_Wrong gender Jr. And hell will freeze over before I ask._

"I need to borrow a Realian cross-referenced U.M.N hook-up. Immediately."

He instantly lost his humor.

"W w what? That some pretty serious stuff Canaan!"

By this time, everyone had stopped talking and were looking curiously at Jr.'s outburst. Noticing the stares he was starting to get, Jr. grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the bridge where we could speak privately.

"Do you know how much _trouble _I'd be in," he hissed, "if the Federation found out the Kukai Foundation had Realian hacking technology!"

"So, does that mean you have one?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me suspiciously.

"Perhaps…what..._exactly..._do you need it for?"

"That is no concern of yours."

"I'd say it is! Whose brain are you planning on hacking into?"

"My own."

"Aww, geeze Canaan, listen, we've been through hell and back over the last few days, and I don't want any more trouble, ok?"

"There will be no trouble."

"Are you sure? Don't make me a promise you don't intend to keep."

"You will not hear one word from me, I promise."

His slumped figure told me he had given up.

"Fine, fine, fine. Make sure you don't tell _any_one about this, or I'm going to be in sooo much trouble with Gaignun."

"My lips are sealed."

He walked through the hatch doors and disappeared into the Durandel. Shortly he came back with a long red cord in his hands.

"Here you go. I better get this back when you're done, all right?"

I nodded, excused myself, and then quickly hurried off into the elevator to the engine room.

I shooed the few robots that were ambling around, wanting to have some privacy. I felt anxious and excited while I plugged the cord into the port and began the start-up sequence.

_I wonder what it'll be like to finally have feelings. _

_Will I still act the same?_

_Probably not. _

_I wonder how I'll fell about chaos…_

_The same?_

_Maybe…I hope so. _

I went through the motions of telling the monitor exactly what I wanted to remove.

"BETA-TRANSMUTED EMOTIONS SUPPRESSOR" was on the screen. Perfect. All I needed to do know was to enter the code. I put the disk in and waited.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Nearly three.

Was it working? I didn't really feel any different.

Then I felt a dull burn in my head.

_What is that?_

I tried to shake it off.

The burn turned into a scorch.

_Something's wrong._

The scorch turned into a white hot blaze.

"AHHH!" I yelled aloud in anguish, praying that no one could hear me.

The screen was flashing a warning. "ERROR ERROR." There was a high pitched whirling noise in my ears. The room was dancing. I couldn't breathe.

The pain was so burning, so strong, I gripped my head in agony, begging for it to all end.

I collapsed on the floor.

My vision darkened. Everything felt numb.

I can't...wha...shu..t...t.i..n..g...

_All for you. Always for you._

Well, I hope you enjoyed that! You may have noticed in the last chapter how Canaan failed to acknowledge Jr.'s snores while he was trying to get to sleep. I would like to say it was clever planning on my part, but in reality I accidentally forgot about him. Sorry! So I made up that little ditty of him going to Second Miltia to meet with Helmer. He he, I managed to save my skin. Sooo what happened with Canaan? The eternal mystery. I'm not telling until the next chapter! HA!

Cheers, ATA


	3. Beginning To Live

Chapter 3! Man, this was a pain to write. Dunno why, it just took longer than I wanted it too. There's a lot of technical stuff, and not a whole lot of story. It had to be done! I promise the next chapter will be mostly techno free!

To my reviewers…

Amethyst Gleam- Yay! I am inspiring! I can't wait to read your fic!

Deano Lindholm- I thank you for your lovely suggestion, but I'm afraid I don't think I could do justice to chaos POV without a bit more practice!

Shartae- Oooh, yeah. Canaan is _very _jealous. I cranked this chapter out a little slower then the last one, but, here it is! Yay!

Tiger5913- I understand how you feel! I am still a _huge_ cKM fan. Can't help it! I shall remain open minded though. Plus I like writing in Canaan's POV. I recognized your name, and then I was like, "Duh, that's who made all those awesome cKM fics!" So, don't worry. There will be plenty of…action…on both sides, but still predominately Canaan and chaos. Hope you stick around.

ONWARD NOW!

* * *

... 

…

_Uhhh..._

_What...just happened? My head...  
_

I was lying face down on the metal floor. I felt completely dead. Except I could still hear. That was it. I tried to move, but I found my arms and legs were numb. My eyes were dark, and my mouth felt like cotton.

The long red cord was still sticking out of my neck. It was as cold as ice.

_How long have I been lying here?_

For a while, I imagined. Since that cord was blazing hot before I blacked out, I must have been here for at least an hour. Hadn't anyone noticed I was gone?

_Probably not. Face it Canaan, they forgot all about you. At least be grateful no one heard you scream like a girl._

Wait…

That feeling…

Was that...

No, it couldn't be...

Anger?

Did that mean I was successful? I mean, normally I would have been a _little_ upset if I was left face down on a cold metallic floor for hours on end. Who wouldn't be?

But this was something more then a "little upset." It felt like I had been betrayed. There was a clenching feeling in my gut. I wanted to punch something. But, I still couldn't move.

_So this is anger. _

I considered calling for help. But I didn't for two reasons.

One: My motor functions were shot, so I couldn't talk.

Two: My newfound pride wouldn't dare let me get any assistance.

It was odd. I could tell the suppressor was gone, but I didn't really feel any different. I expected myself to go through this complete transformation, but I still felt like the same dull bitter Canaan.

_Maybe this is really what I am like, emotionless or not. Just a cold sarcastic…_

Did I just hear footsteps?

I could now definitely hear the faint pitter patter of footsteps off in the distance.

_Who in the world could that be? _

"Canaan!"

It sounded like a woman's voice. No, wait, a young girl's voice.

I heard the footsteps stop for a split-second, then quickly pick up in pace.

"Canaan!"

I think I heard her fall on her knees. I felt her hand shaking my shoulder, trying to get me to respond.

_Still can't move..._

"Canaan! It's MOMO! Can you hear me?"

_Loud and clear. No need to get excited. _

Your not sleeping…oh, you can't move can you? Your primary functions must have gotten fussed...here, let's see if I can fix it."

I felt the cord being yanked out. Her hands were then fiddling around with the nearly invisible circuits at the back of my neck.

_I have to give her credit: she knows what she's doing. I think I can see now._

"This goes, over here, and this, needs to be connected to that one…"

The cotton feeling from my mouth disappeared.

"Just...one...more...there! How do you feel?"

I carefully pulled myself up from the ground and sat up. I could see crystal clear. I could see her amber eyes were filled with worry. The faint hum in my ears was gone, and I think I was able to speak.

"I feel...much...bet..ter."

_Okay, voice not quite working._

"Thank...you."

She smiled sweetly.

"Your very welcome, Canaan. I'm just glad I found you when I did. Another hour laying there and you could have gotten some permanent damage. Now, do you feel any pain or discomfort? Any at all?"

"Head...hurting."

"That's to be expected. Can you stand up?"

"Think…so."

She held my arm as I carefully wobbled up.

_Hmm, so far so good...whoa...ohhh..._

My head was all of sudden spinning with dizziness. I could feel myself sway and I clutched her arm in an attempt to stop myself from falling on my face. Again.

"Oh! Here, sit down, ok?"

I gratefully slumped in the chair she led me over too. She sat next to me and looked at me anxiously.

_I feel so helpless. I hate it. _

"There. Now, Canaan, what exactly happened?"

I expected her to ask me this. Problem was, what could I say without getting Wilhelm and Jr. both into trouble?

Might as well tell her all I can. She's a Realian too, she'll understand, right?

"I was...making an...attempt t...o remove my emotions...suppressor. Apparently, there was a com...plecation."

Her eyes widened.

"Canaan! That's an extremely delicate process! And you did it by _yourself?_"

"I had all of the nec…essary materials. I didn't think to ask for assistance."

"Where did you get the code to your data frame?"

"I can't tell you."

_Wilhelm would get in trouble and would have me court marshaled._

"Where did you get the hook-up?"

"I _really_ can't tell you."

_Jr. would get in trouble and would murder me in my sleep._

She let out a frustrated sigh.

"Listen, Canaan, while I think it was extremely _dumb_ of you to do all that by yourself, and I have no idea where you got all this. Plus it's obvious your not going to tell me…"

She faintly smiled.

"I can understand why you did it."

This surprised me.

"You do?"

"Yes. I know what it's like. You see, when I was first born, my emotions were very unstable. I would be laughing like crazy one minute, and then having a tantrum the next. They couldn't control be without using force, so…Mommy...she put a suppressor in me until they could fix the problem."

I was shocked. Her own _mother_ put a suppressor in her?

She must have seen my look, for she quickly said, "But it was only temporary; I ended up having it for only a few days. The point is, I can understand why you wanted it gone. You can still feel things while you have it, that's why it's called a _suppressor_, and that makes it extremely frustrating when you can only feel things in such a limited form."

I nodded.

"I understand that. I could feel things like hate and happiness, but they were in such, _wisps._ I wanted to really experience what it meant to be happy or sad, you know? But..."

"But?"

"Well, I expected all my problems to be solved. I expected to be this completely different person. But, I don't really feel any different."

I heard her make a noise.

"Why are you laughing?"

She looked at me with a glimmer in her eyes.

"Oh Canaan, you just need to experience things, that's all! You can't expect to understand everything when you haven't gone out and experienced it! It will take some time for you to change, but it will happen, just be patient."

_Hmm... _

_That did make sense, I suppose. _

_My feelings for chaos. Before, I definitely felt, something, for him. But whatever it was, it was in an extremely watered-down form. Now, if I can spend some time with him, I can experience and understand what that feeling was, right? Is that what she's saying?_

"So, I'm like a newborn now, right?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm like a newborn child. I've just officially begun to live, and I need experience in order to learn and understand things, right?"

She beamed at me.

"That's exactly right! See, you're catching on quickly! This is so wonderful Canaan! Now!"

"Now...what?"

"I know you don't want to get into the details of your procedure, but we still need to find out what went wrong, okay?"

"Fair enough. Where should we start?"

"Well, what exactly did you do leading up to it?"

"Not much. I woke up, talked briefly with chaos, got the code, got the hook-up, and went to the engine room and removed the program."

"Are you sure that's all?"

"Well, I didn't sleep in a matenance bed last night. See, I thought of a way too…"

"You mean where you shut down your consciousness and do the repairs yourself? Yes, that's what I do as well."

"Exactly. But I don't see what that…"

"That's it!"

"What?"

"_That!"_

She glared at me accusingly.

"When you finished your self-repair, you forgot to upload your data from the previous day, didn't you?"

"Umm..."

"You know that data buildup could cause an overload, and it did! Your frame was under so much stress from that and the removal of the suppressor, that it malfunctioned and you shut down!"

Oops.

"Canaan, please try not to be so careless! You should have thought it through before you decided to do something that delicate."

_Lovely, now I'm getting careless. _

"Now, listen. We'll be at the Kukai Foundation in a few hours, so how about we head on over to the Durandel and download the data before you forget again? We can use one of the matenance beds in the engineer room."

"Fine. I just hope I can make it there without passing out."

"Okay…here, let me help you stand up…"

She held my arm and helped me stumble to my feet.

_Hmm…no dizziness yet. I think I can walk._

We slowly began our shuffle toward the elevator. While I was grateful for all the help MOMO was giving me, I would be the laughing stock of the entire crew if Tony or Jr. got wind that the only thing keeping my face from the floor was a little _girl._

I still wasn't sure about one thing, though.

"Hey MOMO."

"Yes?"

"There's something that's been on my mind ever since you found me. How did you know I was down there? I mean, you didn't, _hear_ me did you?"

"No. Actually, I was looking for you. I just happened to find you down there when you were knocked out."

"Why were you looking for me?"

"chaos asked me too."

I felt the temperature rise in my face.

"chaos? Why?"

"Well, he said you had been acting a little strange this morning, and he was worried about you. He figured us both being Realians, I might be able to help you out more than he could. I guess he was right."

_chaos…was worried about me? That might explain the funny look he gave me while I was on the bridge. So, he does notice me?_

"Canaan, are you ok?Your face is turning awfully red."

"I'm..fine. Just, you know, getting a little dizzy again."

_Not far from the truth._

"Well, try to hang in there. We're at the engineer room."

She led me over to the bed and I gratefully lay down. I closed my eyes, trying to stop my head from spinning. I heard her typing away on the console.

_You know, I have never liked these beds. _

_There so cold and flat. Like lying on ice. Realians usually spend a lot of time on these; you would think they would try to make them a little more comfortable. But, I guess I'm probably the first Realian to ever complain about it._

"MOMO."

"Yes?"

"How come I've never noticed that this bed is uncomfortable?"

She turned around and looked at me with puzzlement on her face.

"I, I'm not really sure Canaan. Maybe, you just haven't had time to think about before. You've just been through a fairly traumatic experience, so perhaps it's made you open up your eyes a little more."

_Just one thing after another. Was this really worth it?_

"I'm finished downloading. So why don't you rest for a while? I'm sure you're tired."

"I was just knocked out for who knows how long. I think I've gotten plenty of rest today already."

"Exactly. You were _knocked out. _I'm talking about getting some real rest."

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say _Doctor _MOMO. I'll go to bed like a good little patient."

"Humph! You better!"

"At least could you permit me to sleep in a real bed?"

"Granted! There are plenty of bedrooms on the Durandel. Just pick one. Do you need me to be your crutch again, hmm?"

"Thanks, but I'll pass. I think I can walk there without keeling over."

"Be careful."

"Yeah yeah. But, MOMO, really, thanks. A lot."

I saw her smile as the doors behind me closed.

_Now, where are bedrooms? She was right, I am rather tired. I slept for nearly the whole day, might as well finished it off with a nap. _

I wandered around for a while, looking around the ship. Gaignun and Jr. had certainly gone all out. There's even a park here…

I found the resting area a few sight sees later. I walked into the nearest room that looked to be unoccupied.

_Nice…_

There were two large single beds in one corner of the room. In the other, a small table with two chairs. There was another door, which I assumed led to the bathroom. A big comfy couch was smack dab in the middle. Various paintings and knick-knacks were strung about on the walls. It looked comfortable to say the least, even if it was a little tacky.

I flopped down on the nearest bed and began taking off my flight suit.

_This outfit is really starting to get on my nerves. It's not just the recent removal of the suppressor either. I've been wearing this thing for fourteen years; I think it's time for something different. _

I tossed the outfit into the nearest corner. Just wearing my undershirt and shorts, I peeled back the covers and nestled down inside the many quilts and blankets.

_Mmm, much better. Now time for a well deserved nap. Geeze, today was just one problem after another. But, all in all, it was worth it. _

My thoughts were crowding me, but my consciousness continued shutting down. I quietly drifted off to sleep.

_

* * *

_

_Clunk Clunk Clunk_

_Clunk Clunk Clunk_

_Mmmrr…_

_Clunk Clunk Clunk_

_Stop stomping so loudly…I'm trying to sleep…_

_Rustle Clunk Clunk_

"Mmmm…"

_Clunk Clunk Clunk_

…

_Was there someone in my room?_

I wiggled around, trying to untangle myself from the blankets.

"Good evening Canaan." An exceptionally familiar male voice said. "I hope you're feeling better. You gave us a bit of a scare."

My eyes shot open and I sat up in the bed.

There was chaos.

In my room.

There.

Standing there.

Smiling.

With me in my undergarments.

_What the…_

"Sorry if I woke you up. I was just bringing a few things inside."

_Bringing a few things?_

My eyes narrowed, looking at him standing there without a care in the world. Did he think this was normal? I asked him as nicely as I could,"_What _are you doing in here?"

Okay. So it didn't come out so nice. But what was he doing waltzing into my room like he owned the place?

"Oh, well, of course you couldn't have know We just got to the Kukai Foundation a few minutes ago. Everyone's come aboard the Durandel, and we're all planning on going out in just a bit."

"You didn't really answer my question."

He got this mischievous smile on his face.

"You didn't expect to get this big bedroom all to yourself, did you? There aren't enough rooms to go around, so we're bunking up. You just got stuck with me for a roommate."

_WHAT?_

_

* * *

_

ATA-Nehehe. Forgive Canaan for being rather grouchy in that last bit. But, think about it. You just had a day from hell and you were trying to get some sleep. Then someone barged in and woke you up. Even if you were crazy in love with said person, you would be a bit annoyed! There was a lot of Canaan and MOMO stuff in this, but no implication whatsoever! I tried to give them a brother sister relationship. They are both Realians, so they must have something in common. Because I have no life, I'll now be posting progress reports on my chapters in my bio. Check it out if you want. I'll try to have chapter four by next weekend!


	4. Jealously

Chappy quarto! This was a FUN chapter to write! You'll see in a minute. It is also a LONG chapter, the longest so far I think. You'll notice Canaan developing a distinct personality. I'm trying to give him kinda a Yuki Eiri (from Gravitation, it's scary how much they look alike) personality, but maybe not _that_ cold. chaos will be having a mix of his personalities from both Eps. I and II. Meaning kinda happy and smiley and mysterious, but still very sexy. Nehe.

To my reviewers…

Wendy: Glad you like! I am making people's days now, yay! I hope you'll find this chapter to your funny bones liking, yes?

SephirothsGoddess: Never fear! It is here ahead of schedule! I am trying to keep them in their characters as much as I can, thanks for the recognition!

Kyone: Yes, love is uncomfortable. Curse the fool who is close minded. Please, go on though, you do not bore me!

Deona Lindholm: Yes, I considered having chaos come upon him, but I figured while he was an engineer, he still wouldn't know a whole lot about Realians. That's why he asked MOMO to help!

OOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN with el fic.

* * *

My mind was having trouble processing what had just taken place. 

_chaos and I roommates?_

_As in, sharing a room?_

_Waking up together?_

_Going to sleep together?_

_Well, in separate beds, of course._

_Taking turns for the shower?_

_CHANGING in front of each other?_

_Ohhhhh dear._

He looked at me strangely.

"Something wrong? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"N no," I stuttered, "Nothing like that, just..."

He sat on the bed next to mine.

"I understand. You're probably still a little disorientated. You had a pretty hectic day, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I...wait. How did you know?"

"MOMO. She's very good at her job."

"What? Her job?"

"Well, she is an _Observational_ Realian. She had orders to report back to me anyway."

_Crafty aren't we?_

He leaned a little closer, with this calm smile on his face.

"So, Canaan, MOMO says you wouldn't tell her where you got the technology for your little "procedure," true?"

"True. And I'm not telling you either."

"Oh, you don't have to. I already know you got that code from Wilhelm."

_What? How the hell did he figure that out? He wasn't spying on me, was he?_

His smile widened.

"I'm not a simpleton Canaan. Only the director of Vector Industries could have that kind of resource at his disposal. And the look on your face after I made that statement was proof enough."

I had fallen right into his trap.

"You're a rather manipulating person, aren't you?"

He just smiled his mysterious smile.

"Now, while I think I know who gave you that cord as well, I won't get into because I need to change into something a little more appropriate for our trip to the Foundation."

He stood up and his eyes looked me over.

"And I suggest you do the same. I don't think you want to go there dressed like that."

He was referring to my current outfit.

"Ummm...I, er..."

"Something wrong?"

I meekly cleared my throat. "I've, _ahem_, got nothing to wear..."

He raised his eyebrow.

"Nothing?"

"Except for that flight suit, nothing."

"That is a bit of a dilemma."

He pondered the problem for a while.

"Stand up," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"I've got an idea. Stand up."

I was rather self-consciousness about the fact that I was still in my undergarments. Especially while I was in front of him. But I guess I didn't really have a choice.

So, I unraveled myself from the blankets, got up, and stood there. He eyed me carefully.

_What in the world is he doing?_

After that, he started circling me and seemed to be analyzing every single detail about my figure. I thought my face was going to catch on fire.

A few eternities later, he said, "Don't move. I'll be right back."

He briskly walked out of the cabin doors to an unknown destination.

_I don't think I'm ever going to understand him._

While I stood there waiting for him, and while my face was returning to normal temperature, I had a little time to think of what had just taken place.

_He certainly is an odd one. He just does what he pleases and doesn't really care what others think about it. He's so reserved and quiet, so it's impossible to know what he's thinking. But, I wonder…I wonder…what he thinks...of me. I mean, physically. I guess I'm not that bad looking. I am tall and muscular; two traits admired by most humans. Technically, I was designed to have a generally attractive appearance. I don't know why I have orange hair though. But, I still want to what he thinks, how he thinks. He didn't cringe back in disgust during his little analysis, so that was a start._

_But, I shouldn't be daft. He didn't see anything. I'm still a guy, I can't forget that._

The swish of the doors told me he had returned. In his arms he carried a shirt, jacket, shoes, and pants.

"Here, catch." He said, tossing over the clothes.

"Where did you get these?" I asked, admiring them.

"I just borrowed them out of Tony's closet. You two should have about the same sizes. Although they might be a little small."

_Small? _

"We'd better hurry. The others are almost ready."

He didn't need to tell me twice. I turned around for some privacy and quickly yanked the clothes on. They were a little snug like he said, but otherwise fit fine.

I turned around and began to say, "I'm rea..."

Then I noticed that he was busily "changing" as well. In other words, he was standing there folding up his normal outfit while wearing these little black under shorts that left rather little to the imagination.

I quickly whipped back around in embarrassment.

_Why does he wear stuff like that? Is he trying to make me have a heart attack? _

Despite the fact my embarrassing "turn around" only lasted a few seconds, I still had a chance to, erm, get a good look. I had always thought he was a very good-looking person, but, now, after that, my opinion had drastically changed.

His frame was long and he had decent sized muscles, despite his rather petite appearance. He was still pretty skinny, though. Enhancing his figure were his long arms and legs, slender neck, and attractive lower back end. Plus, that silky snow-white hair seemed to fall in all the right places...

_Get your head out of the gutter. He would be mortified if he found out you were thinking of him that way._

I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Canaan? Are you ready?"

I slowly turned around, still trying to hide my flushed face.

"Yes..." I stammered out.

My heart then skipped a beat.

_I thought he looked stunning just a second ago._

He was wearing a long-sleeved black v-neck shirt that was tight-fighting and emphasized his trim figure. Baggy black pants clung at his legs, and he was wearing plain black boots. To top it off, he had a necklace that was wrapped twice around his neck, and on it hung a small aqua green stone. It was the same color of his eyes.

"You look..." I began to say.

_Gorgeous? Hot? Sexy? Voluptuous? All of the above? Yes, yes, yes, and yes._

"...nice."

_...Pathetic. Way to go flattering the guy, you twit. _

He still took it as a compliment. "Thanks. You don't look bad yourself. Shall we go?"

I followed him in tow out the door.

_Maybe this roommate thing isn't such a bad idea after all._

_

* * *

_

We met everyone in the Durandel docking area and got aboard one of the transports. It was a little crowded, but not so much to the point of discomfort. I did get to sit next to chaos, which was a bonus. It was so crowded because everyone was there. _Every_one.

Well, except Hammer. Matthews had ordered him to watch the ship. Poor guy.

Anyway, so other than him, everyone had decided to join in the "festivities." Even Ziggy, Jin, and..._her..._ _She _was there too. Why did she have come and prematurely spoil my evening? She couldn't eat, required no items of material value, and had absolutely no reason in being present. Wasteful, in my opinion. But, chaos_ had _asked her to come. For some reason, that bothered me the most.

We rode in silence for a bit, and then MOMO piped up, "Hey Jr., what exactly are we planning to do once we get there?"

"Well, I figured we would all want to do our own thing for a while. How about after a few hours, we could all meet at the Iron Man for dinner? They have this great special for large groups of people."

"That sounds great!" Shion said, "Hey MOMO, there's this new shop I want to take you too. They have the cutest..."

Conversations quickly began springing up.

"There's this shop where I think they sell some rare books."

"Books? Really? Where?"

"Chief? Chief? Can I come with you? I thought maybe we could ..."

"Did you say something Allen?"

"I can't wait to see all the lights!"

"I wonder what kind of women they have there..."

I tuned everyone out and focused on observing the only one not engaged in conservation. chaos was looking wistfully out the window, oblivious to everything around him.

Trying to strike up a conversation, I asked, "I've never seen much of the Kukai Foundation before. What exactly is it like?"

He snapped out of his daze and answered, "Well, during the day there's not a whole lot to see. But right now it's nighttime over there. The whole place is lit up, and there are usually a lot more stores open. The setting is a bit more…active, I guess."

The ship came to a sudden jolt, which told me we had arrived. Everyone hurried out, eager to look around. We then split up into our respective groups:

Shion was taking MOMO and KOS-MOS shopping. Allen was tagging along with them.

Jin went to look for his "rare books" and promised to tell Jr. if he found any.

Ziggy said he needed some updating, and would be near the E.S. shop.

Tony went off...somewhere.

Matthews said he was going to meet up with some old friends of his.

That left Jr., chaos, and me.

"Hey," said Jr., "There's this new bar that has just set up a ways from here. I've been meaning to check it out. Wanna come?"

"Glad too." chaos answered. "But first Canaan and I have some business to attend to."

"Suit yourselves. See ya later then."

As Jr. walked off, I asked, "What business? Did something come up with Helmer?"

"Oh no no, nothing like that."

"Then..."

He grinned. "Well, Canaan, since I can't keep raiding Tony's closet for you, I figured we could go and buy you some proper attire."

"Go shopping for _clothes?_"

"Yes."

"But, I don't have any money."

"I've got plenty."

"I can't pay you back."

"Don't worry about it."

"I don't know where to shop."

"I do."

"But..."

"Don't worry about it so much. Listen, I'll pick out all the clothes for you and pay for them. All you have to do is stand there and hold everything. Ok?"

I gave in. "Fine. But I want to get out of there as quickly and painlessly as possible."

"Agreed. Let's go."

I followed chaos to what I presumed was a clothing shop. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice the hustle and bustle around us. He was right; it was more active. Children were tugging at their parent's sleeves, women were gossiping, men were laughing, couples were walking hand in hand, stealing kisses when they thought no one was watching...

My eyes lingered on the couples a little longer.

The city itself was lit up, and it glowed with a light you could probably see for thousands of miles away. One might have thought it was caught in flames. And the stars...

chaos noticed my expression "Beautiful, isn't it?"

I said nothing. But he knew what I was thinking.

"Ah, here we are." He said, "Come on."

He briskly walked in and I slowly shuffled behind him. There were mostly women in the store, and very few men. The ones that were there I assumed were in a similar position to mine. At least I had a decent reason for being in here. chaos didn't waste any time, and quickly began pulling clothes from the racks and inspecting them. Sometimes he would put them in my arms, sometimes he put them back. He grabbed numerous things; a shirt here, a pair of pants there. The whole process took less then ten minutes, and when he was finished I had a decent stack of tasteful clothes that were pilled on my arms.

"That was fast." I commented.

"You said you wanted to do this as "quickly and painlessly as possible," remember?"

We were standing in line waiting to buy my new wardrobe.

"Actually," He continued,"the reason I didn't want to linger too much was that I'm a little worried about Jr."

"Jr.? Why?"

"Let's just say he's had a..._history_ with bars."

_A history? What does that mean? _

While I pondered this, the line slowly inched its way to the front.

_This is taking forever. It's going to take twice as long to buy these clothes as it was to pick them out._

Standing there bored and restless, while still holding the piles of outfits, I heard a high-pitched giggle erupt from somewhere. Uninterested, I ignored it. There was another one. I still ignored it. Then a gush of giggles burst forth from behind us.

_That's getting really bothersome. Who's doing that?_

I glanced around and found there was a group of young girls right behind us that I hadn't noticed before. They were giggling and pointing at someone. I tuned into their conversation.

"...if he looks at me, I swear I'm gonna faint."

"Do you think his skin's natural, or does he have a tan?"

"Duh, that's natural."

_Giggle giggle._

"Mmm, mocha."

_Giggle giggle._

"How do we know he's not an old guy? I mean, he does have white hair."

"But an old guy doesn't have a figure like that!"

_Giggle giggle._

_What...the...heck. They were talking about chaos weren't they? Why those little... _

"chaos," I hissed, "Aren't you irritated that those little _girls_ behind us are talking that way about you?"

"Not really," He whispered back, "There's just having fun."

"Well it's irritating me."

"You know Canaan, I'm sure you've gotten a few stares from girls exactly like that since we've been here."

"Besides, a girl is just a girl. And some of them aren't that bad looking if you just take a look."

I snorted. "That's just it. They all look the same. I see nothing."

He smiled. "Touché, yes, I guess they do all look a little alike."

"My point exactly. And they still haven't stopped _giggling_."

_Time for drastic measures._

I turned to chaos and said rather loudly and obnoxiously, "I _hope _we get out of _soon._ Those _children _behind us should _really_ learn some _manners._"

chaos covered his mouth to hide his smile. "Canaan! That wasn't very nice…"

"So? They've stopped giggling."

Sure enough, they had suddenly become silent.

I enjoyed the rest of the now quiet trip to the front of the line.

When we did get there, chaos paid and we gathered up our purchases. On our way out, I noticed the girls that were behind us were giving me some very ugly stares. I just smirked straight back.

_Go ahead and seethe at me, ladies. Just keep your hands off of him while you're at it._

_

* * *

_

"So chaos," I said, "Where exactly is this bar of Jr.'s that you're so worried about?"

"It's not really the bar itself. Like I said, Jr. has a history. You'll see in a minute."

We walked a short ways, and came to another building. "Hmm, this is probably it."

I glanced up at the place we had just arrived at. It looked like every other store, except there was _The Grey Bronco _above the entrance in huge neon lights. And it sounded like there was a bit of commotion going on inside.

"Oh dear, not again...come on Canaan."

We entered the bar only to find Jr. in an extremely heated argument with a middle aged man, whom I assumed to be the owner. Jr. was standing on a bar stool so he could yell at the man face to face.

"Are you **deaf **old man? I said I wanted a drink!"

"I ain't deaf, but you must thing I'm **blind**! I don't serve drinks to minors!"

"I have an ID!"

"Pwah, you think I'm stupid or somethin'? You faked that thing!"

"No I **didn't!**"

"Scram before I call your parents, **_kid_**!"

**"I'm 26 years old dammit, and I _want a drink!"_**

chaos wasted no time in walking over a grabbing Jr. by the scruff of the neck before he pounced on the bar tender.

"There you are Jr.; we've been looking all _over_ for you."

He bowed apologetically to the owner while still holding a thrashing Jr.

"Sorry if he's caused you any trouble. We can take him from here. Come on Canaan."

With that, he quickly walked back out the door.

"chaos you jerk!" Jr. yelled, "Put me down!"

"Jr., I don't understand why you can't accept that people won't serve drinks to people who look their underage. No matter what the circumstances."

"It's not fair!"

"I know, I know." chaos said sympathetically, putting him down outside.

"I assume you've gone through this before." I asked.

Jr. dusted himself off. "Yeah, it's always the same. I want a drink, they won't give me one, and in the end chaos has to yank me out of there before I start throwing punches. Speaking of which..."

"You are _not _going back in there Jr." said chaos.

"What? You gonna try and stop me?"

"Well, no, but…"

Then chaos got this eerily calm and almost sinister look on his face.

_Uh oh._

"Actually Jr., Canaan just finished telling me this funny story on how _you_ were the one hording Realian hacking tech, and you gave him some for his…experiment."

Jr. got a horrified look on his face and whirled around, yelling, "CANAAN! You _bastard!_** I told you not to tell anyone!**"

I rolled my eyes.

_chaos and his little traps…_

"Idiot. I didn't tell him. But you just did."

Jr. paused for second, processing what just happened. Then it hit home, and it showed on his face. He slowly turned toward chaos.

"I...hate...you..."

chaos grinned and ruffled his hair affectionately. "And now I own you for the time being, and I command you to behave yourself. Now why don't we head out before I _accidentally _tell Gaignun about this little incident, hmm?"

_Those two have a very interesting relationship._

"Try not to get into a fight before we get to the restaurant, okay Jr.?"

"Shut up chaos."

* * *

We got to the Iron Man with little to no problems. The restaurant was empty besides two men in suits talking with each other. We requested a huge table be set up for the "impending rush." I made a specific point to reserve the seat next to chaos, and he was sitting at the end of the table. That meant there would be no unwanted intrusions. The others began coming in group by group. 

First to arrive was Jin carrying stacks of books. Jr. quickly snagged him and they sat down, deep in conversation. Next to come was Ziggy. Closely following him were Shion, MOMO, and KOS-MOS. Allen trudged in weighed heavily down by bags of clothes. Matthews came in and headed straight for the bar. Jr. glared at him with envy. Tony was still mysteriously missing...

"Where are we supposed to sit?" Shion asked.

"I dunno." said Jr. "Pick a seat, I guess."

MOMO sat next to Jr. Shion sat next to MOMO. Allen sat next to Shion. Ziggy sat a seat down from mine. That left KOS-MOS to sit in the seat next to me.

_Well, well, looks like this was nicely arranged. Hope you get comfortable there my metallic beauty._

"Canaan," said chaos suddenly, "Would you mind moving down a seat?"

_Huh?_

"I wouldn't mind sitting next to KOS-MOS for dinner, that is, if it doesn't bother you."

_Whaa…_

I was too proud to say I cared, so I just shrugged and wordlessly moved down a seat.

_This sucks._

KOS-MOS sat in the seat that was supposed to be _mine._

chaos started talking with her, asking her things like how her day was, what did she do, did she have fun shopping...

Words that were supposed to be said to _me_.

He smiled his dazzling smile at her.

The smile that was meant for _me_.

"KOS-MOS," he asked, "Don't you ever wonder what it would be like to be able to eat?"

"I require no nourishment of that kind. I do not think about it."

"What do you think about?"

"Battle algorithms."

He just laughed.

When our food came, I didn't eat a bite. I just sat there stabbing my meal with a knife. I couldn't seem to stop listening to chaos _flirt_ with her.

_Why was he doing this to me?_

_He could have moved down too so I could have still sat next to him._

_But, he probably wouldn't have said more than two words to me anyway._

_He would be too busy worshiping her._

"_Oh, look at me, I'm so pretty and have long blue hair and a chest that's larger than most people's heads."_

_Humph. She's not really even that attractive._

_What could he possible see in her? _

It didn't take an E.S. scientist to know what I was feeling:

Pure,

unrelenting,

unadulterated,

unaltered,

jealousy.

I knew I really wasn't being very fair to KOS-MOS, but at this point I certainly didn't care. I sat there with a scowl on my face. Not just the uncaring one I usually had, but a scowl. I didn't say anything to anyone or join in any conversations. I nearly bit Jr.'s head off when he asked me what I was going to do on my break.

"How should _I _know? It's none of _your_ business anyway."

"Okay! Jeeze!"

Trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, I let them instead wander around the room. Matthews was still at the bar, I noticed.

_We are going to have to drag him back to the ship at this rate._

The two men in suits were still there, still deep in their conversation. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I noticed that they would talk, then glance up at our table, then dive back into their conversation.

_Interesting..._

_I wonder who they were talking about._

The others were finishing up eating by now. I still hadn't eaten a bite; I was too busy sulking to be hungry. And my food by that time had been reduced to a nice mushy paste.

Jr. took the liberty of paying the bill, Ziggy took the liberty of carrying a now loopy and half-conscience Matthews, the two suites took the liberty of staying there, still talking, and everyone started walking back toward the ship.

I just grabbed my clothes and walked behind everyone, still visibly ticked off. However, I did notice that Tony had finally decided to rejoin us.

When we got to the ship, everyone said their good nights and fell into their respective bunks.

Leaving chaos and me. Together. Alone. In a nice big comfy room.

Normally I would have been thrilled, but I refused to forgive him just yet.

I walked in and stood there, arms crossed, with my back to him.

"Canaan," he asked, not noticing my expression, "You didn't eat anything at dinner, weren't you hungry?"

"…"

"Are you feeling all right? I know you had a tough day."

"…"

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

"…"

"Ahh, I get it. You're mad because I kicked you out of your seat at the restaurant, right?"

"…"

"Hey..." he said, walking over and lightly touching me on my back, "If it bothered you that much, you should have said something. But, I do apologize, and I hope you'll forgive me."

"…"

"Tell you what, how about tomorrow we go get breakfast at the Foundation, just the two of us? My treat."

"...it better be a good breakfast."

"It will. Promise."

I felt his hand leave my back. I noticed it was particularly warm in the spot where it had been. Trying to shake off the fuzzy feeling from his touch, I proceeded to get ready for bed. Which mostly consisted of me yanking off my clothes and throwing them on the floor.

I heard chaos go into the bathroom and brush his teeth. He came out and pulled off his clothes, with me trying not to stare, and he pulled on his long cotton pants he slept in.

"Where should I put these?" I asked, pointing to the bags of clothes that he had bought for me.

"There's a closet in the bathroom. Just stick them in there."

I gathered them up and headed for the bathroom. It was decent size, with a large tub in the middle. There was a large sliding door to the side, which I assumed was the closet. I slid it opened and found there were already outfits inside, presumably his. I couldn't help but notice that those white shorts he used to wear were hanging up nice and neat. I quickly shoved my clothes in and shut the door before my mind wandered off too far.

I walked in on chaos as he was performing his nightly ritual of yanking all the covers and pillows off his bed.

"Why do you do that?" I curiously asked.

"Do what?"

"Sleep like that."

He smiled. "You know, I've never been able to figure it out myself. I just can't go to sleep with all that stuff on me."

"Don't you get cold?"

"Nope."

"I see…..can I have them then?"

"What?"

"The blankets and pillows and stuff."

"Sure Canaan."

I happily scooped up the discarded blankets and pillows and pilled them on my bed. I nestled down in the fluffy masses.

chaos flopped on his empty bed and curled up in a fetal position, facing me.

We must have been quite a sight. I was vacuumed into my cocoon of a bed, and he was sleeping without as much as a sheet.

_Quite the odd pair, aren't we?_

"Good night Canaan." I heard him sleepily say.

"Good night..." I replied.

I felt, happy. I was sleeping in a warm bed, with the only person I had ever cared about resting only a few feet away.

_And now I have the morning to look forward too, when I'll have him all...too...myself._

_

* * *

_

Hehe. Crafty little chaos will be running rampart much more, I assure you. I will be gone over spring break, so you probably won't hear much from me for a while. But fear not, I will still be writing away! Are there any rules about placing links to other websites on your bio? Just asking cause I have no idea.

Cheers-ATA

March 20: I went back and read this and realized that QuickEdit killed some things I had at the end. So i went back and changed them. Sorry! Stupid QuickEdit...


	5. To Love

I have returned from my trip from the land of the sun (aka Florida.) And look, I brought a souvenir; chapter FIVE! By the way, if you missed the memo, I went back and checked over chapter four, and I realized QuickEdit screwed up some of my ending dialogue. So if you were confused, that's why. Don't worry, I fixed it. This chappy is kinda short and a little more serious. But I do want to thank the lovely Deona Lindholm for giving me the idea for the basis behind this chapter!

To my reviewers: (or my "Section of Happy Peoples" hehe, thanks Kyone!)

Blitzkrieg9688: I must be a rebel and make a C/c fic, yes? I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! Glad you like.

vspirit: I do try to keep Canaan in character. Hehe. Jr. Short end of stick. I get it. Lol.

SephirothsGoddess: Glad you liked that quote! It just popped into my head, and it was like, "Canaan would so totally think that." Hehe.

Deonal Lindholm: As said above, your "Canaan is like Allen" comment totally got my brain thinking. They are alike, aren't they? So one thing led to another, and soon I had the basis for this chapter! Hope you don't mind. I thank thee. Bows.

Kyone: Do not worry, I am not offended. I consider it a compliment since you think my humble fic is better than an actual published work. No matter how soap opera ish it was!

OKAY! VIVA LA CHAPTER FIVEO!

* * *

It took me about ten minutes to realize once I had gotten in bed that I wasn't tired. I wasn't even remotely tired. In fact, I was completely and totally wide awake. 

What I was, I soon found, was hungry.

Very hungry.

Reviewing my "eventful" day, I realized that I hadn't eaten even a nibble of food. I skipped breakfast, was knocked out during lunch, and didn't eat any dinner; I just sat there mutilating my food.

Needless to say, my stomach was complaining rather loudly. The problem was I was way too comfortable in my bed of a hundred blankets and pillows. I was exceptionally warm and toasty, and everything seemed so soft and inviting.

chaos had passed out only after a few minutes after we said our good nights. He looked absolutely adorable curled up on his bed, with a gentle smile adorned upon his face. Reason number two why I didn't want to move.

But was stomach was persistent, and it grumbled and whined, refusing to be ignored. To feed or not to feed...

I formulated a plan. I could go over to the mess hall, stuff my face as fast as humanely possible, and then dive back into bed in five minutes flat. Simple.

Or I could just be lazy and lay here hungry and cozy.

I figured it would be better to go with the former plan.

I hopped up and pulled on some slippers before heading toward the Elsa mess-hall. The reason I picked that ship? I still didn't know my around the Durandel too well, and I figured there would still be some people up even at this hour. And I didn't want to be walking around in my pajamas in front of strangers. Besides, the Elsa felt a little more "homely" so to speak.

So in my muscle shirt, under shorts, and comfy cotton slippers, I headed toward my destination.

It was dark in the Durandel docking bay and completely devoid of life. I walked over and was relieved to find the hatch on the Elsa still unlocked. It felt strange to be on the ship at night when only the dim night lights were on and my footsteps were echoing off the empty corridors. Everything was deathly quiet, except for the quiet hum of the engines. Even the multitudes of robots were strangely absent from their normal posts.

_Creepy._

I padded toward the mess-hall.

Inside, I forgot about my uneasy feelings and headed straight for the food. I just grabbed a big plate and began pilling on all sorts of things: a half a sandwich there, a scoop of curry here, hmm, that chicken looks tasty too...

Soon I had a nice big stack of miscellaneous food-stuffs. I sat down and quickly began to stuff my face. The more I ate, the more I realized how hungry I was. I ate everything on my plate, and when I was finished, I leaned back in my chair, completely sated.

_Much better..._

I relaxed a little. I tuned out everything around me and went to work sorting through my day.

_It's been just one crazy problem after another. All that mess just for some attention from that green-eyed mystery. I certainly have gone through hell for him as of late. I guess he doesn't call himself "chaos" for anything. Can't he figure out that all this is for him? _

At first I thought that maybe he would start to notice me more since I had gotten emotions. I figure I could "open up" to him now, and he could see what the "real" Canaan was like, whatever that may turn out to be. I had this day-dream that he would see the care I had for him, fall madly in love with me, and fling himself at my feet, begging to be mine…

Of course, that was all a fleeting fantasy. Just a fake "happily ever after." I had done all that and all I had gotten from him was some clothes and breakfast. It was a start, don't get me wrong, but I was getting a little impatient.

He was an observant person, right? Couldn't he figure it out for himself? I mean, how else was I supposed to show him how I felt? Get down on my knees and let it all out? I think not. I mean, I didn't know how to flatter him with compliments. I didn't know how to be romantic. I'm doing the best I can. These subtle hints are all I've got, and I wish he could open up his eyes a little more. But I guess his vision was currently blocked by the plastic beauty of that cursed android.

_I should face it._

_I don't know how to get him to love me._

_But, I really don't know how to love him. _

I knew it would be a lot less hassle to give up and "just be friends," but then these darn feelings wouldn't dare let me live it down. And I didn't even "get" half of them. I mean, I honestly couldn't tell if what I felt for him was really love. Was it just a strong friendship I felt? But it didn't seem like it was…

_Blah. This emotions thing is way too complicated._

I had successfully managed to get myself in a bad mood again. I just wanted to go back to bed and continue my pouting and pondering. I cleaned up my mess and trudged back to the Durandel, still grumbling about the man who had flipped my life upside-down. I was walking toward the cabin area…

…only to find...Allen? What was he doing up at this hour?

He was pacing fully clothed in front of the girl's dorm, softly mumbling to himself. Odd, even for him. I leaned in closer to hear him better.

"...so Shion, do you want to...no. Hi Shion! How about sometime we...no, no. Ah, hmm, ohh man..."

"Allen, what in the world are you doing?"

He yelped and sprung around.

"C...Canaan! What, you, I'm not doing, ah, nothing, nope, just minding, ah, erm..."

"Allen, relax. It's just me."

"Sorry...I'm just, you know, a little wired."

"I could tell. Shion issues?"

He sighed, "Is it that obvious?"

"Yes."

"You know, I think everyone knows I'm crazy about her, except _her_."

"It usually happens that way."

"I mean, she can drive me nuts sometimes, but, I don't know…"

"Are you in love with her?"

"What? No!"

I looked at him skeptically.

"Well, I mean, maybe, but…"

I continued my stare.

"Yes..." he said meekly.

"How can you tell?"

"Huh?"

"How can you tell that you're in love with her?"

"Umm, I'm not entirely sure. It just, feels right, you know?"

"Feels right?"

"Well, she makes me happy just by existing. I want to give her _everything_."

Hmm.

Perhaps he has some intelligence after all.

"I wish I could get the courage to tell her..."

"What's keeping you?"

"Rejection. Humiliation. And she might fire me or something. "

"Understandable."

"I'm so pathetic...I mean, she pays more attention to a dead guy than she does me..."

I patted his shoulder. "Allen, my friend, I believe we are more alike than you think."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I see...say Canaan, what are you doing up anyway?"

"Just getting something to eat. And you were...?"

"Well, actually, I still have one of Shion's bags of clothes in my room. I was just going to go in to tell her about it, and then maybe get the guts to ask her out for lunch or something."

"Might I make a suggestion?"

"Okay."

"Wait until morning. It's almost one, and both Shion and MOMO will not be happy if you wake them up."

"Ohhh...yeah, I didn't, er, really think about that...thanks Canaan."

"Your welcome."

"I think I feel better. There are some things you can only tell strangers, right?"

"Apparently. But I think we'd both better get some sleep."

I started walking toward my room.

"Hey Canaan," he called behind me, "I saw the way you were acting at dinner. Do you have a..."

"Good night Allen."

"I'm just asking if you have, you know, a _thing_ for..."

"Good _night_ Allen."

"But..."

I walked into my room before he could finish.

_That was close. Allen really needs to mind his own business._

chaos was still there, asleep. It looked like he hadn't budged an inch since I had left.

I sighed and sat down on my bed, kicking off my slippers. I replayed the conversation with Allen in my head.

_It just feels right? What did that mean?_

I leaned in and began studying his face intensely, trying to see if an answer was hidden somewhere.

_You're happy just by having them exist..._

That I did get. Just watching him sleep made me get that stupid bubbly feeling.

_To give him everything. _

I watched as he shifted slightly. As he did, this pale wisp of hair fell across his face. It took every ounce of will power I had not to reach over and brush it away.

_I'm so lost._

It's not that complicated.

_It feels like it is._

Listen, the simple question is, do you love him?

_I...don't know._

Does it "feel right?"

_I don't know._

Then figure it out.

_I don't understand love._

You don't have to.

_Hmm…_

_That "something" I had been feeling lately._

_But...hmm..._

You don't have to understand to feel._  
_

_Oh..._

_Oh my..._

My entire reality came crashing down in that instant.

_I...love him._

_I **love** him.  
_

_I love everything about him, the way he talks, the way he acts, the way he teases people, the way he laughs. I want all his attention. I want all his affection. I want to know everything about him, what he likes, or dislikes. Did he have any family? Did he have any other friends? I want to be able to make him smile, to cheer him up when he's sad. I want to spend every waking moment basking in his presence. And lord, did I want to hold him and feel him in my arms right now._

I was shocked that all that confession had just been let out. I gasped for breath, because I realized I had been holding it. Everything felt heavy and dizzy. My head felt light. I noticed my hands were shaking ever so slightly. I felt exhausted to say the least after my silent epiphany. But strangely, now I wasn't sleepy at all.

And there he still lay, undisturbed.

_All I did was admit I loved him...and look at me. I'm a total wreck. Wonderful. I'm such a wimp.  
_

_But, no matter what, I will get through this_. _I have to get through this._

I carefully reached out to his face. I felt his warm breath upon my finger tips. Gently, I moved his piece of hair back to its proper place. My hand lingered there against my will. His skin and hair were so soft and delicate, and I realized I had never felt them like this before. I had never been in such an intimate situation with anyone like this before. It was so…comforting.

My hand begged to learn more, but I pulled it back.

_Not like this. Not while he's sleeping. Not while he's so innocent and defenseless._

I collapsed back on my bed, utterly spent, yet still wide awake. I didn't even bother getting under all the covers. I just flung some on me and buried my face in the pillows.

That night, I did not sleep.

I just lay there, trying to figure out what had just happened.

_Oh, my sweet sweet chaos...what have you done to me?_

_

* * *

_

Ah, love, tis a bitter sweet thing. So Canaan finally admits his love for the mysterious chaos. Sorry if his talking to himself confused you at the end. I am already in the works of making chapter 6 (gasp) but I really don't have a time frame of when it will be ready. Sorry!

Cheers-ATA


	6. They were afraid

Oooooooo, the chapter siiiiiiiiix. This was a long and rather sluggish chapter to write. I'm not entirely happy with the way it came out, but ya win some, ya loose some, right? BTW I just spent a hundred bucks on the first ten GRAVITATION mangas. I is so pathetic! But they are sooooo gooooood! And hilarious. And yummy. Muhaha…

To my reviewers…

Tiger5913: Those who are not noticed see all! At least, that is my theory.

SephirothsGoddess: Yes, the poor little bishies. I call dibs on Canaan first! Yes yes, will Allen keep his big mouth shut or not? Nehehe…

vspirit: That's exactly what I wanted it to be! It's tricky getting the fine details, like "Would he really say this" or "Would he really do that" and so on so forth. Eeee.

Xeora: Such passion! Glad you like!

Deona Lindholm: Thank you thank you. Allen really needs to get up the nerve to ask her out, doesn't he?

Kyone: I'm glad I could make your spring break more enjoyable by providing you with more ficcy goodness.

forgottenfaith: The happy feeling is all around! Yay! I'm glad there is yet another C/c fan!

I think that's the most reviews I've gotten for a chapter so far! Yay! Oh, and I would have met my normal deadline, but the up loaders were DOWN yesterday. GRRR.

Ze fic starts NOW!

* * *

"Canaan."

"Mmmm."

"Caaaanaaaan..."

"Mmrrr."

"Good morning Canaan. Time to wake up."

My eyes opened to the smiling morning face of chaos. He was standing over me, fully clothed, and ready to go.

_Way to happy...way to early..._

"Come on Canaan, it's almost eight and I'm starving. Are you going to sleep all day again?"

Little did he know that I hadn't been sleeping. At all. In fact, I had secretly watched him get up and get dressed. I had just pretended to be asleep.

Furthermore, it was all his fault.

"Canaan, are you even listening to me?"

"Go away..." I grumbled, burrowing back into the sheets.

_I can't deal with this now. I can't deal with him now. I'm exhausted and cranky, and I just want to be left alone. Even if it's him that's asking me to get up._

"You're the one who wanted breakfast. And you do owe me after you bailed on me yesterday morning."

_chaos, you're wonderful, and I admire you more than anyone else in this world, but can't you see I'm not in the mood?_

"Go away..." I mumbled again.

I heard him let out a frustrated sigh.

"Canaan, please?"

My eyes poked out from underneath the covers. He was leaning down so he was eye level with me and he had this innocent pouting look on his face. It seemed like he really wanted me to go with him. I softened a bit.

_You wanted a chance to impress him, right? Well now would be an excellent time. You were so looking forward to this time with him, and now you're royally screwing it up. Stop acting like such a grouch. Deal with your mental state later, ok?  
_

"...fine."

He beamed.

"Good." He walked into the bathroom and I heard a rustle of clothes. I slowly pulled myself up from my bed and stretched, trying to shake off the last remnants of sleep. I rubbed my eyes and tried to get myself to focus. He soon came back out carrying an outfit, which he tossed over to me.

"Here, put that on." He said happily, "I'm going to finish getting ready, ok?"

He disappeared back into the bathroom.

I inwardly smiled at his eager attitude. I pulled on the clothes he selected for me and turned to admire myself in the mirror. He had a picked out some kind of dress shirt and black slacks combo. I didn't want to brag, but I actually didn't look half bad.

_For someone who's supposed to like girls, he certainly has good taste._

I admired longer. Then I noticed...my hair. It was sticking straight up and frayed out in all sorts of different directions. I assumed it was from all my tossing and turning last night, but it looked like I had been electrocuted. I scowled and tried to flatten it with my hand, but it just sprang back up. I started to slightly panic.

_Now what am I supposed to do? I've never had a hair crisis before, so how do I fix it? I guess I'll just have to go like this…_

I heard the swish of doors behind me.

"Canaan, ready to go?"

I turned to face him. "Yes, I'm ready."

His eyes glanced upward.

"Umm, I think we may need to fix your hair first..."

I slumped. "Is it that bad?"

"Don't worry. I have a brush over here somewhere..."

He rummaged through a bag he had near his bed and came up with a small brush. He handed it to me. I stood there looking at it, completely clueless

"Oh, you probably...don't know what to do, do you?"

My face got hot.

"...no..."

I felt really dumb standing there without a clue on how to fix my own hair. I was acting like a total idiot in front of _him_ of all people.

But he smiled kindly and said, "Don't be embarrassed. Here, let me help you."

_Thank you thank you thank you.  
_

He took the brush from my hand. He grabbed a chair from the corner table and placed it in front of the mirror.

"Sit." He ordered, pointing to the chair. I sat.

He stood behind me and began to brush. First he went to work on the tangles and snares. After getting out the main ones, he started to mat it down to keep it from sticking up. His elegant hands worked their way through, sending small shivers down my spine. While it was a little painful when he tackled a particularly nasty knot, it felt...really nice. He swooped my bangs expertly over my face like I usually had them, and pampered the back a bit to make sure everything was perfect. Soon, my hair was in the same style I usually had it. You couldn't even tell that it had been a mess only a few minutes earlier. I was relieved, although a little disappointed that it was over so soon.

_I am so hopeless. Face it Canaan, you're totally smitten with the guy._

"There," he said, tossing the brush back on his bed, "all finished."

As I stood up, still feeling slightly awkward, I timidly said, "Um, thanks for the help."

"You're welcome. I understand that you've never had to deal with these silly human normality's before. You just deal with them one by one, ok? And I'll be there to help you if you need it, of course."

My chest swelled with affection.

"...even if you are a little crabby in the morning."

"Oh yeah...sorry about that..." I said, feeling rather shot down.

But he waved it off. "No worries. Guess you just aren't much of a morning person."

I turned to head out the door, when he called behind me, "Oh! I almost forgot; hang on a second Canaan..."

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small disk.

"MOMO made me _promise_ to remind you that you need to download your data before you go to bed tonight, okay?"

"I won't forget again. I don't need a repeat from yesterday."

"Good." He placed the disk on the end table between our beds. "Now that that's all settled, shall we go?"

* * *

_chaos was right. This place is a lot less active during the day._

The "hustle and bustle" from the night before was quite absent at this point in time. There were still people walking around, things to buy, and stuff to see, but it all was so _dry_. So to speak.

_Ah well. Won't let that spoil my fun. _

chaos was walking next to me, absorbed in his thoughts like I was. He had a bit of a far-off look, as if he were contemplating something important. But they again, when was he not?

So we continued our walk. I glanced around, trying to absorb the few sights that were about. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the crowd part for a split second. As it did, I saw two men in deep black suits walk by, and I noticed they were starring intensely at someone.

_Huh?__Who could they be so interested in?_

I looked closer. They were starring…right at...us?

_What the...hey, weren't those the same "two suites" from yesterday? What are they still doing here? Are they stalking us or something?_

I blinked and in an instant they were covered again by the crowd.

_That was weird. Why were they looking at us like that? What could they be so intrigued by? None of my business, I guess. Maybe they recognized someone last night that we were with. Whatever. I couldn't care less. Now on to more important things..._

"So," I said, striking up a conversation, "where are we headed? Someplace nice I assume?"

"Oh, don't worry, you'll love it. It's a little diner not far from here. I've been there a few times, and I've never had a bad meal. It may not look like much, but it's one of the best kept secrets this place has."

I raised my eyebrow. "Guess I'll just have to take your word for it."

We walked a little further, then:

"Say Canaan, how are you feeling today? I know yesterday must have been a nightmare for you. Any problems?"

"Not really. I felt a little a little..._disoriented_... last night," I said rather sourly, "but now I feel fine."

"Good. I was a little worried about you. I mean, you pretty much went through a complete shut down. But you're right, you seem fine."

_Fine as I can get._

It looked like we had arrived at this "cafe" place. It was a small square little piece of building wedged in the corner of some obscure street. At first glance, it looked like it had been abandoned years ago. But there were lights on inside, and I could hear the faint murmur of voices.

"C'mon, let's go in." he said.

Inside, there were a few tables and chairs scattered about, and even fewer people seated in them. It looked like something you would find out of a history book. There was even a fireplace in the corner. It was quaint, small, and stuffy, but still fairly cozy and comfortable.

We found an empty table and sat down.

"I think I like this place," I announced, "How did you come across it? It doesn't look like it has much advertising."

"Well, believe it or not, Jr. and I found it a few years ago. We came over here to get some dinner, and every place was packed to the seams. After wandering around for a while, we finally stumbled upon this place. It was empty, so we decided to try it out. We sat down, got good food, got good service, and we were in and out in less than half an hour."

"Interesting. So you and Jr. found this place, huh? You two have gotten to be quite the pair. Guess it's been fourteen years since you've met him."

"Yes. We have our ups and downs like anyone. See, after we met, or should I say when you and I saved his life, we stayed in touch for a while. Then he started the Kukai foundation, and he was swamped with all sorts of work, so we lost contact. Then I got the job as Elsa's engineer, and I found out Mathews was working for Gaignun. Or should I say working off his debt with Gaignun. We've been stuck together ever since."

I just listened and nodded.

_I've never heard him speak in so many sentences at once before. I know he's probably leaving out a lot of details, but oh well._

I continued to sit there and listen to him open up. To _me_ of all people. It was so enjoyable just sitting and talking with him. Like _normal_ people were supposed to do.

_This is exactly what I want. Just him and me, together. Nothing can go wrong, right?_

A bright eyed blonde waitress had finally spotted our arrival. She walked over to our table with a bounce in her step, grinning broadly.

"Good morning boys. What can I get for ya?"

I didn't hear what chaos said in response. I was way too lost in the bliss I was feeling at that moment. I think he said something about pancakes. Pancakes? He didn't strike me as a pancake guy...

_Hopeless romantic. That's what you've turned out to be. You have entered the stage of "lovesick moron." _

"And for you?"

I slightly jumped realizing she was talking to me. I prayed she didn't notice my starring and drooling over another guy.

"Um, I guess, er,"

I glanced up at her.

"I think I'll have some toast, and maybe a..."

"Oh! Uh..." she cried looking at my face, "Um, excuse me, I uh, forgot..."

She hurried off without finishing her sentence, leaving me rather dumbfounded.

_What just happened? Is there something wrong with my face? I don't think there is… What in the world is her problem?_

"What was that about?" I asked, hoping for some enlightenment.

"I don't know..." replied chaos, with a worried look on his face.

The waitress had retreated into a small back room. She came out a few seconds later following a huge meaty woman wearing an apron. The woman marched out and came over to our table with a spiteful look on her face.

"Is there...a problem ma'am?" chaos asked timidly.

"Yes, actually there is. I'm afraid I'm going to ask you boys to leave," she said in a gruff voice.

"May I ask under what circumstances?" he said calmly.

"I will not tolerate..._his_...kind," she growled looking right at me, "in my establishment."

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I just sat there with my mouth slightly hanging open, stunned that someone would say something like that to my face.

chaos looked a little shocked as well. "What has..._his_ kind, as you vilely put it, ever done to you?"

She frowned even deeper. "I had family on Miltia when all that mess was going on. I know that them Realians went crazy and started murdering people. With all this other junk rising up, Miltia getting destroyed and all that crap, I don't want no more ghosts bothering us over here. And I will not have this mindless _machine_ scarring away my costumers. I don't want to remember what happened all those years ago. No one does. Now _scram_."

chaos stood up abruptly. "Let's go Canaan," he said.

I stumbled up, looking at the ground, trying to avoid the woman's loathsome face. I felt too numb to be angry. I just wanted to get out of there as soon as I could. We walked to the door, but then chaos turned around and said, "It's obvious these _racist _people have no morals..._or_ compassion for another living being."

And with that he slammed the door shut.

We walked away together, in silence.

chaos was mad, obviously. I knew I should be too, but I just felt..._ashamed_.

* * *

We rode in the transport with an awkward silence hovering around us. I felt awful.

_Why did she say those things to me? I've never done anything to her, have I? Is it just because I'm a Realian? It's not my fault I was born that way. Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen in front of him?_

chaos had calmed down a bit, and was now looking at me with a mix of worry and sympathy. I looked down at my feet, for I still couldn't bear to look him directly in the eye.

_My stupid yellow eyes were the cause of this in the first place._

"Canaan," he said gently, "I would ask you if you're all right, but I know your not."

I remained silent.

"We don't have to let this spoil our morning. Why don't we go to the Elsa? I can whip us up something, I think. Then we can…talk if you want. All right?"

"...ok,"

We got off the transport and headed toward the Elsa. I walked with my head down, still feeling like I had just been slapped in the face. chaos craned his neck, trying to get a glimpse at my face, but I just turned away. His worried look got worse.

Arriving at the mess-hall, I dropped down in a both to continue my silent sulk. chaos headed to the kitchen and started clattering with pans and bowls, talking constantly about meaningless things. I think he was trying to get my mind off of the events of earlier. It didn't help too much. I knew he was trying to cheer me up, and I appreciated it, but I was a long way from getting out of my slump.

A few moments later, chaos joined me and sat across from me in the booth.

"Food's cooking," he said with a faint smile, "I'm trying to make some eggs. Hope I don't manage to burn them, or something. Elsa's crew is infamous for their horrible culinary skills."

Still with a worried look on his face, he leaned in closer in an attempt to look me in the eyes. I finally gave in and turned my head upward, so he could look at my face.

"Canaan," he said soothingly, "Is there anything you want to talk about? Anything you need to tell me? You know I'll listen to anything."

I fidgeted under his intense and concerned stare, but I started talking.

"Well, I mean, I don't know…"

I sighed.

"I…how was I supposed to react to that situation? What was I supposed to say to her? I mean, I didn't want to make a scene."

He nodded his head in understanding.

"I _hate_ people like that. I can't help it. It drives me insane the way they think. And the worst thing about it...is my hating of them is just confirming what they think of me. Of _us._"

"Which is…?"

"Monsters. Horrible demented monsters."

"Canaan…"

"This...isn't the first I've been through this," I admitted.

"I guess that shouldn't be so surprising."

"It was right after the Miltian Conflict. Everyone treated Realians like _dirt_. Realians had no rights at that point, so we couldn't complain or do _anything_ about it. I couldn't go anywhere without getting all these stares. Some looked so angry, but others…others were just afraid. They were all _scared _of me. I walked down the street one day and saw a women clinging to her child, telling him to stay away from me. That I would hurt him if he got to close. I mean, I couldn't really blame them, but I didn't even _do _anything. You were there at Miltia, remember? I was trying to _help_."

"I know, I know...people can be so close minded sometimes. They are afraid of what they do not understand."

I scowled. Then blurted out, "I hate my eyes."

"Your eyes? Why?"

"They are my mark for being a Realian. I mean, no normal human has yellow eyes. They are my constant give away of what I am."

The corners of his mouth twitched, then his lips broke into a broad grin.

I was slightly offended by this, "What are _you_ smiling about? I'm being serious, you know."

"Listen, Canaan, you shouldn't be ashamed of your eyes if that's what you're implying."

"Fine. But they are strange, you have to admit."

He sighed. "Canaan, look at my face. In case you haven't noticed, my eyes aren't exactly normal either. I've had to deal with a few rude stares in my lifetime as well."

He did have a point. I bit my lip in embarrassment. Here I was ranting about how weird my eyes were and how I hated them, while he was there facing almost the exact same problem. He had those lush green eyes that seemed to peer into the depths of your soul. They looked like they had seen everything. They were rather eerie, I had to admit, but still absolutely...beautiful.

"Thank you chaos..." I suddenly stuttered out, "It is…nice to finally talk to someone about this mess. I'm very..._lucky_ to have a friend like you."

He beamed. "I'm just glad I could help."

"Um, chaos?"

"Yes?"

"Is something burning?"

I had noticed a rancid smell a few moments earlier. He glanced over to the other room and got a horrified look on his face. I looked over and saw dark smoke rising from the kitchen, presumably from what he had been cooking.

With a cry, he leaped up and ran over to his flaming masterpiece. I hurried over to help. He grabbed the pan and took it off the heat, then turned off the stove. He desperately started fanning the food with his hand, trying to cool it off. When it stopped smoldering, he looked miserable starring dejectedly down at his charred eggs.

"You know, this never happened until I joined the Elsa. It's a curse. I'm doomed to make horrible food forever."

I patted his shoulder. "Don't worry; I'm not very hungry for eggs anyway."

He slumped.

Inwardly, I smiled.

_Poor chaos. He tries so hard. But I don't care if he can't cook._

I happened to glance down and look at his hand, the one he had used to grab the handle of the frying pan. My eyes widened as I noticed it was a deep ruby red.

I grabbed it and inspected, and sure enough, it was swollen and blistering.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What's _wrong_? You burned your hand, didn't you notice?"

_How could he be so careless? Is he trying to make me freak out?_

"Oh...now that you mention it, it does sting a bit..."

"A _bit_? It's _blistering_. Be more careful when you cook, you could have really hurt yourself."

"Canaan, while your concern is touching, I'm fine, really."

"Sure you are. Come here, I'm going to bandage it up ok?"

I grabbed a med kit that was in a cabinet and rummaged around inside. I pulled out some ointment bottle thing that said it was for burns and a roll of gauze. I took his hand, despite his protests, and carefully began to doctor it up. I tried to be as gentle as possible, because I knew no mater what he said, it looked like it was a painful burn. I didn't want to hurt him.

_It's my fault he got burned in the first place. Here I am moping around feeling sorry for myself and he's the one who suffers from it. I hate it when he gets hurt…_

_Why I am just thinking all this? Why can't I tell him how I feel? Am I just such a wussy sap that I can't admit it?_

_...I'm like a clam. A stupid hypocritical bizarre-eyed clam who can't admit he likes a guy._

I sourly tied up the last bandage on his hand.

_Don't forget moody._

He flexed his hand carefully, inspecting it over.

"Thanks...I think it feels a little better."

"Oh really? I thought it only "stung a bit."

He grinned. "Don't mock an injured person. Now let's dig up some leftovers, I'm still hungry."

Haven given up on a decent meal for breakfast, we raided the fridge and stuffed our faces, still talking constantly with each other. My bad mood was gone, and back was the light and carefree atmosphere from before. It was almost like that mess had never happened. Almost. We finished with our eating, he eating more than I did, and we began to put everything away.

As we finished cleaning up, he said, "You know Canaan, despite that little mishap at the restaurant and my slight injury, I thought this morning turned out pretty good."

I didn't say anything.

I wanted to tell him how much I had enjoyed spending time with him, but I couldn't. I was too choked up and embarrassed. And I would probably screw it up anyway.

_Wimp._

"I assume your silence means you had a good time as well."

My face slightly flushed.

_If you were looking to for the opportune moment to tell him, now would be an excellent time._

I gathered my thougts together and took a deep breath. _  
_

_Fine...ok...here goes nothing. _

I whirled around and got face to face with him. Well, as face to face as possible, he was about two feet shorter than me. I grabbed his shoulders and looked him in the eye and said, "chaos, I…"

Then, the lights flickered.

_Huh?_

And then they went out.

…

_WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? NOT NOW._

I relased him from my grasp as I feared I might accidently harm him in my state of blind rage._  
_

"Whoa...Canaan, are you still there?" Said his voice from in front of me.

"Yeah..." I grumbled, still passionately cursing the extremely bad timing.

"There must have been a short circuit…the emergency lights should come on in a minute…"

Sure enough, dim red lights soon flickered on overhead.

"What just happened?" I asked.

"I don't know…it might have..."

"_chaos!"_ A loud booming voice yelled from the ceiling,_ "Where the hell are you?"_

"Captain Mathews? Is that you? What just happened?" He responded.

"_Well I damn well don't know! You're the engineer on this ship! Get to bridge **now**!"_

"Yes sir. I'll come down immediately."

And with that, he hurried off, without so much as a good-bye, leaving me standing there with an irritated look on my face.

_I should just give up. Nothing's ever going to turn out right._

_

* * *

_

Aww, my poor little bishie…Anyway, I've kinda gotten to a slight rut in the writing, so I don't know when chapter seven (wow) will be here. I will try my best! Oh, and my mind is already getting ideas for a new fic once this is done. Definitaly…R. Or is it M now? So weird… but yeah! But I won't start on it until this one is finished. I don't think I can write two fics at once…


	7. Perfect

El chapio seven! Guess what? Today's my birthday! Happy birthday to me! Ya'll can give me the nice present of reviews, okay? In return, I will shortly post on my bio links to websites with VERY lovely C/c art. Yayness! Full details about the sites will be placed there as well. I is such a good person...

To my reviewers...

Deona Lindholm: Autism? Dang. I do like your writing suggestion though. Yes yes yes...I will use that indeed...

SephirothsGoddess: Eep! Pyromaniac! (You bring the matches. I'll bring the gasoline.) No fair! I want them booth! Whaaaaa!

Xeora: You poor thing! Here, may you be revitalized by this chapter! I don't need any of my reviewers dying on me...

Kyone: I thank thee for thou kind words. I knew Realians probably faced some sort of discrimination after that little incident, so I decided to go on that.

Ficcy ficcy now now.

* * *

_I have...the worst luck...ever._

I was irritably stomping down the corridor to the bridge.

_He could have at least said something. He just left me there without so much as a "sorry" or "excuse me." I thought we were making a connection, and he ditched me. Now I have to chase after him all the way down here._

_Stupid faulty electric wiring. _

I entered the bridge to find it in a state of…well…chaos. No pun intended. Matthews, Tony, Hammer, and he-who-had-bailed were busily trying to solve our little light problem.

"I want to know exactly what happened!" Matthews boomed from his perch, "We had this thing completely fixed! It cost a fortune, but this ship should be perfect! And now we can't even get the damn lights to work!"

"But Captain," pleaded Hammer, "the lights _should _be working. I've checked a thousand times and I can't find a thing wrong!"

Matthews kicked his chair. "Moron! If that's true, then why aren't they _on_? I can barley see my own hand in front of my face!"

"Hey Captain," said Tony, "We're getting a transmission from Little Master. Want me to patch him in?"

"Sure sure, whatever."

Tony punched a button and Jr.'s face appeared on the screen.

"_Hey guys,"_ he said, "_what's going on over there? I just got a report that your main power went off line."_

"That's what we're trying to figure out," said Hammer.

"Captain..."

"What is it chaos?"

"I think Hammer was right. Everything should be working."

"_What_?"

"I told you..."

"Shut up!"

"Captain," said chaos patiently, "this may sound strange, but it's like something's blocking the power flow."

"Blocking? Hmmm..."

The Captain slouched over and seemed to contemplate the issue. After a few moments of this, he shot straight up and I could practically see the light going on over his head.

"_MITES!"_ He shouted triumphantly.

"Mites?" asked Tony.

"I can't _believe _we have _mites_ on this ship!" The Captain bellowed, "We just got it fixed up with state of the art crap and _everything!_ How could we have MITES?"

I had been standing quietly by watching the rather amusing scene unfurl. While observing the Captain rant and rave about these "mites," I leaned over to chaos.

"What are..._mites_?" I asked.

"Mites? They're parasites that feed off the energy in a ship's main circuit line. They normally hang around wreckages floating out in space, but once in a while they make their way onto a fully active ship. One or two are harmless, but they multiply quickly and can infest themselves into the electrical frame, in turn absorbing all the power and letting none get to the rest of the craft."

"So, we need to get rid of them quickly or else we'll be looking at a total power loss, correct?"

"Yes. Although it is still uncertain if mites are really the cause of this problem."

"Of course mites are the cause!" cut in Matthews. "What else would it be?"

"_Well either way, you've got your work cut out for you._" Jr. observed.

"Got that right..." mumbled Tony.

"_Well good luck to all of you. Oh, and I'm declaring your ship quarantined until this mess is settled. I don't want those pests getting into my baby!"_

"What! But Little Master..." pleaded Hammer.

_"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll get it figured out before you run out of supplies. Later!"_

The screen went blank.

"That little..." Captain Matthews grumbled. He cleared his throat. "All right all right, I want this ship to be mite free by this evening! I've got a hot date with a bottle of burgundy back at the Durandel and I don't intend to miss it! chaos!"

"Yes sir?"

"I want you to get down to the power room and find out exactly where those bugs are! Get a move on now!"

He nodded and hurried out the door. Not wanting him to be out of my sight again, I followed.

"chaos," I called after him, "Will you need some help?"

"I don't think so," he said without turning around or slowing his pace, "I know this ship like the back of my hand. I don't think doing a little pest control will be difficult."

"Good. Then you shouldn't object to my coming, should you?"

He paused. "No, I guess I shouldn't." He turned around. "Actually, I think your presence would be…quite welcome."

My ego sky-rocketed.

We made our way to the engineer room. Noticing the absents of a large door or tunnel, I asked, "How exactly do we get to this power room?"

"There's a conduit that goes directly to it. It's pretty small, but big enough for a person to crawl through."

"Where is it? I've been down here several times and have never seen a tunnel of any kind."

"It's hidden," he explained, "The Captain is very finicky on who gets to see what makes his ship tick."

He started feeling along the walls, looking for what I assumed was the entrance to this "conduit."

"Why? Is it something stolen?"

"I'm sure parts of it very well may be. It's something he's spent years working on until he presumably "perfected" it. He doesn't want anyone stealing his ideas. In fact, I think I'm one of the only people he trusts to repair it."

"Really? Does that mean the Captain trusts _me_ then?"

"I'm honestly not sure. But I trust you, and that's all that he cares about."

_Again with the happy bubble feelings? Get a grip. You can't get all mushy every time he pays you a compliment._

His gliding hands stopped short. He paused and inspected the wall.

"Ah, here it is."

He gave the wall a sharp smack and a circular portion jutted out and fell away, revealing an extremely cramped and narrow passage. I glanced down into it. It was dark, and I couldn't see where it ended.

_If it ended...I hope I can even fit in there._

"You'll probably want this," he said, handing me a small flashlight. He bent over to get into the tunnel.

"Stay close okay? We don't know exactly what's down there." He started crawling through.

I got on my hands and knees and followed him into the dark unknown. The dim light behind us disappeared quickly, leaving only shadows. I slightly shivered.

_This is creepy. I can't hear a thing. I can't see a thing. I'm a Realian, not an android; I don't function well in the dark._

Thankfully, I remembered my flashlight, and I quickly switched it on. The sudden light strained my eyes, and I blinked a few times to get my bearings. I saw chaos a few feet in front of me, undisturbed by the bleak midnight.

_Guess he has been down here before._

"Hey Canaan," he called back, "how are you holding up back there?"

"Never been better..." was my grim reply.

He chuckled.

"Don't worry, we only have about fifty more feet to go. Do you see that green cord running along the wall?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's the main power connector right there. It goes straight to where we are headed. The thicker it gets, the closer we are."

It was a little comforting now that I had something to focus on. I set to work calculating.

_Okay okay, get your mind off the scary tunnel for a while. The cord is about three inches thick right now. About every foot I crawl it gets another half-inch thicker, so fifty more feet the cord should be..._

_Hmm, fifty divided by 2...2 put down the four and the zero, 10 divided by two…twenty five plus three is twenty eight._

_So that cord is going to be twenty-eight inches thick once I get there._

My mind wandered to more calculations to pass the time. Then it hit me. chaos had given me that knowledge just to get my mind of the dark. And it had worked flawlessly.

_How can he read me so well? If that's the case, then why is it that the one thing I want him to figure out he remains completely oblivious to? I guess I need to try harder…_

I was struck with a sudden sinking feeling.

_Could it be...that he has figured it out? That he does realize my feelings? And he's disregarding it because he's…_

_...disgusted by it?_

_But, that, I know I'm a guy and a Realian, but, he isn't prejudice or anything, right?_

_Right?_

My head clouded with doubt and worry as we crawled closer and closer toward our destination. I miserably glanced at the cord to see how much longer this expedition would last.

_About, twenty six inches now. Almost there._

Sure enough, up ahead I spotted another door.

"Nearly there ..." I heard him say.

He reached the door and punched in some numbers on a keypad. It quickly swung open. We both climbed inside, and found...

"What the..." I barley managed to spurt out.

Everywhere around us were these masses of small worm-like creatures. They clung to every nook and cranny of the wires and circuits. Nothing to extraordinary, right?

Except, they were glowing.

Not just an ordinary soft light glow. An extremely rich and lush glow. They were emitting the color of deep azure, and it brightly lit up the dank and dreadfully cramped room. They were strung about on the wires, giving off a bit of a pattern. It looked like something you would find in an art gallery.

It was absolutely…lovely.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was standing there with my mouth hanging open.

He must have noticed, for he said, "Beautiful things, aren't they? It's a shame they serve such a destructive purpose."

"Those are the mites? I expected them to be some creepy crawly unappealing little insect, but this…I wasn't expecting this."

"Yes. That was my reaction as well when I first had to deal with them. But it is a false beauty. They can render a ship powerless in a matter of days, leaving it stranded out in the middle of nowhere. Even if the mites are found, some people don't have the will to destroy something so grand. And that is why they can be so dangerous."

"I see…"

_A false beauty hmm? Now who does that remind me of?_

"But still, it's a shame we have to get rid of them…" I said a little sadly.

_Don't get sappy over a bunch of bugs you twit. Don't act like a spineless pansy in front of him. _

He cleared his throat; "Well…" he began.

He turned around and gave me one of his sweet smiles.

"I suppose, we don't have to get rid of them…_yet._"

"Meaning…?"

"Let's just enjoy the light show for a while, shall we? Our little secret. The Captain doesn't have to know."

My legs turned to mush. The only thing keeping the rest of me from melting into a huge pile of Canaan-goo was the fact that I now had the chance to be alone with him, undisturbed, uninterrupted.

It was the perfect setting for a "couple" as interesting as we were. A cozy room romantically lit by the blue-glow of space parasites secretly tucked away in the belly of a luxury ship…What more could I ask for?

_You're not a "couple" yet. Don't get ahead of yourself. Focus on not messing this up, ok?_

He had by that time sat down next to where I was standing, and was dreamily enjoying the display. I clumsily joined him, plopping a few feet away, and leaned up against the wall.

He turned towards me and grinned. "Hey, why are you sitting so far away? I'm not going to bite you know."

Face red hot, I scooted over another inch.

He sighed. "Stop being so silly Canaan. Come _here._"

I kept moving over until I was about two inches from him.

"There, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" He teased with a mirthful smile on his face.

I pretended not to listen.

His eyes turned upward, absorbing the sights, and said nothing more.

I tried to focus on the show as well, but I began to fidget and over-analyze the situation. I wanted this to be perfect. I needed to find how I could make it so.

_Should I say something? Should I do something? Am I sitting to close? Can I sit closer? Should I pretend not to care? Should I ask him a question? No no no…that's not it…_

_He's probably getting bored of me already…_

But he looked anything but bored. He was sitting there, just enjoying, completely oblivious to my dilemmas. I relaxed a bit, and grew accustomed to the quiet atmosphere. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence; it was just a pleasant sort of calm. One that I was quickly beginning to enjoy. I realized I didn't need to do anything.

I leaned further against the wall and became lost in the serenity.

The blue light danced away in front of my eyes. It was truly an exquisite setting, aided by the attractive being sitting just a few inches away.

_If he really was ashamed and appalled by me, he wouldn't treat me so nice, right? He just can't tell. He hasn't figured it out. Yeah, that's what it is. And if I'm wrong…then I will just enjoy our time together. _

_But…I really really wish that I could just tell him. Then this setting could truly be perfect._

I began to day dream.

I fantasized what would be different it we were here as a "couple." We would probably be sitting like this, shyly, awkwardly, waiting for the other to make the first move. I would slowly inch my arm around him, being careful not to startle him, and bring him closely toward me. I would feel his body relax into my embrace. He would bury his face into my chest. I would run my fingers through his hair, soothing him, comforting him. We would lay there basking in the warmth of each other, and loose track of the hours.

Yes…that would be…perfect.

"Canaan?"

Absolutely perfect.

"Canaan?"

Who says I don't know anything about romance? That's a pretty darn lovey dovey situation I just concocted up.

"_Canaan,_ are you okay? Hello?"

Still lost in my thoughts, I lazily opened my eyes. Wait, my eyes were closed?

Then, I noticed something.

While during my day dreaming, I had apparently been scooting closer and closer to chaos. Now, I was practically on top of him, squishing up against him, eyes closed, head nearly leaning on his shoulder.

That was the position I was in when I finally snapped back to reality.

_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WAKE UP._

I leaped into a standing position, gracefully whacking my head against the ceiling, and began to blab out apology after apology.

"I'm so _sorry_…I can't…what was I _thinking_…so sorry…hope I haven't…done anything…um…I…"

He quickly stood up and put a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"Canaan, _relax_. It's all right. I don't mind."

I just looked at my feet, still horrified at my behavior.

"Hey…I know you had a tough day today, _and_ yesterday. You're just a little out of it, right?"

_Yes yes, go with that._

I nodded my head, relieved at his understanding.

"Or," he continued, "Did you just want a little attention? Hmm?"

Face hot with embarrassment, I stuttered out, "No no no, I…"

He laughed. "Easy now Canaan. I was just teasing."

_Darn him and his mockery._

"Very funny…" I grumbled.

He continued his laughter.

"Listen Canaan, while I thoroughly enjoyed this little outing, I think it's about time we alert the Captain, don't you think?"

"Yeah…I suppose it is."

He pulled a communication device from his pocket and punched a button.

"Captain?" he said, speaking into it.

"_chaos! What took you so long? Did you find them?"_

"Sorry sir. I got a little…side tracked. You were right; we've got mites and lots of them. I recommend extermination immediately."

"_Ah ha! See I'm never wrong! Good…Give me the signal once you get to a safe location and we'll flood the room with Nitromonixide. That should take care of the little buggers."_

"Aye sir. Stand by."

He pocketed the device and said, "Come on Canaan, we better start heading back."

He climbed into the conduit and started crawling through. I couldn't help but glance back one last time, sadly looking at the lights. I shut the hatch door. I was once again in darkness.

* * *

We reached the outside shortly, and chaos again took the device from his pocket.

"Captain? We're out of the power room. You can begin."

"_Good. Ya'll can head back to the Durandel, you've done plenty today. I don't think the Elsa will be up and running for a while. Oh, and we'll contact Little Master and tell him he can release us from that damn quarantine." _

"Understood. Thank you Captain."

He sighed and stretched, obviously tired from the day's excitements.

"I don't know about you Canaan, but I'm beat. I didn't realize how late it had gotten. It's almost nighttime. I'm looking forward to a nice long rest."

"Agreed. Let's go back and get some sleep."

We headed for the exit, and chaos was about the open the hatch door, when it swung open on its own accord.

Standing on the other side was Jr., grinning happily.

"Hey guys. I got the call from Matthews and was coming to check up on you. How did the bug extermination go?"

"Fine. No thanks to you." I said rather bitterly.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that, but listen, go back and get some good sleep tonight, okay? We've got a big day tomorrow."

"Really? How so?" asked chaos.

He smirked mischievously, "I'm taking everyone to the beach tomorrow, and you have to come whether you like it or not. Don't be late!"

I was stumped as Jr. flounced off.

_The…beach?_

_

* * *

_Yay! I've been looking forward to el beach scene for a while now! Oh, please forgive my mathing skills during the "tunnel scene." I really stink at math, and I hope I did everything correctly and what not. You know, I technically haven't beaten Epi. II yet. SHAME ON ME! But I cheated and read a little summary of the ending. Yeshua, eh? Curious, I found out what it translates as. If you do not know, and want to know, check me bio. Nehehe._  
_


	8. Worth It

Yay! The next chapter! Sorry for the slight delay, but actually I've been working on a new fic called "Nightmares" that I just posted in the "M" section. There's only one chapter so far, but check it out if you want.

To my reviewers…

Xeora: It's here! Please don't jump out the window! I can't live with that on my conscience!

Riiku: Aw shucks. Thanks a bunch! Please don't die after the beach scene though. I've already got one suicidal reviewer… (Points upward.)

Deona Lindholm: I figured someone might think that! But I figured I could turn in into a romanticish setting, for Canaan's sake. Oh, and there will be some S/A in this chapter!

Kyone: Okay, I feel better. Few!

SephirothsGoddess: Okay. Truce. Hope you like the beach!

kikyogirl900: Yep, that's his name! Freaky, huh? Glad you like!

Rikkali: Yay! You're back! I'm so glad you like the fic! I liked you're little analogy of Canaan being a schoolgirl and all. He is isn't he! Bruhaha!

Starting fic.

* * *

The sun beat down heavily over my head. It was powerful and merciless, but thankfully I had the protection of a large umbrella and SPF 45. I was lazily lounging on my towel on the private beach of Gaignun and Jr. Everyone was scattered about, some swimming, some playing ball, others sitting around like I was. Actually, Jin had wrested KOS-MOS and Ziggy into, get this, _seashell_ hunting a little while ago. Brave man. Bless him for getting _her_ away for a while…

I stifled a yawn.

_Jr. wasn't kidding when he said we all had to come._

He had literally marched down the cabin hallway at six in the morning and started banging on all our doors. He was relentless, and started shouting very obnoxiously if we were taking too long. chaos and I both tumbled out of bed and barley had time to get ready before Jr. began ranting again. So half-asleep and completely out of it, we yanked on our swim clothes and stumbled out with the others.

Apparently Jr. wanted us to get out there early because he didn't want the "main beach time" to be while the sun was high overhead. He figured we could get our main sun time done when it was still relatively dark. Then we could retreat to the shade when it got hot. It made sense on paper, but he still could have warned us about the crack of dawn wake up call. Or we could have gone at night. But we did get to see an awesome sunrise.

So anyway, I guess all in all it had been worth it. The chance to be outside, just relax for a change, and watch a scantly clad chaos run around for hours on end.

_I swear that boy has no modesty. He always wears the smallest shorts know to humanity. Then again, not complaining too much._

Plus, I actually got a chance to swim, and I didn't sink like a rock as I originally thought I would. I had gone through a basic swimming class, it was a requirement for any Realian entering military services, but it was just technique and numbers; I had never actually gotten into the water. Dog paddling around wasn't difficult to learn, and it was actually kind of fun. But of course chaos jumped in with me and gave me some pointers. He was a lot more graceful in the water then I was. But that was to be expected, now wasn't it? So I listened carefully and did my best because there was no way I was going to drown on his watch. But then again, he _would_ have to save me...and give me CPR...and stuff...

_Ahem..._

But now I was just lying around drying off, watching him play volleyball with MOMO, Allen, and Jr.

chaos and Jr. were partners. Big mistake, for they were winning by a mile. chaos surprisingly had a nasty spike, and Jr. was quick and had a good return, despite his height challenge.

Actually, MOMO wasn't half bad either. It was just that she had Allen for a partner. He was too much of a scardy cat to even hit the ball. The only reason he agreed to play in the first place was to impress an on-looking Shion. His plan was having disastrous side effects. Every time it was hit toward him he panicked and usually ran to get out of the way. When he did get the guts to go after it, he couldn't get the ball over the net.

_Slam!_

Jr. hit the ball and sent it blasting toward Allen, who made a pathetic attempt at return. The ball just ricocheted off his hand and fell to the ground with a plop.

"All_eee_nn..." MOMO whined.

"Allen!" Shion called from the side lines, "Stop being such a wimp! Get in there and play!"

"_Yeah_ Allen, be a man!" Jr. teased from the other side of the net, "The ball's not going to hurt you..._much!"_

chaos just smiled and shook his head.

His eyes traveled to where I was sitting and saw me watching the match. His smile widened and he waved at me. I meekly waved back, a little embarrassed that he had caught me starring at him.

The game continued on.

Jr. served the ball and MOMO hit a nice return. chaos pegged it back, and then MOMO hit a tricky shot to the corner. Jr. barley managed to get to it, and hit the ball high in the air. It headed straight toward Allen, who got a panicked look on his face. Again.

"Go for it!" cried Shion.

_Not likely. He's going to chicken out again…_

However, ignited by Shion's words of encouragement, he got a determined look on his face. He dramatically leapt up to meet the high-flying lob. He met it in mid air and hit it downward with tremendous force. It was a perfect spike that slammed to the other side. For a split second, everyone looked rather impressed.

That is, until it hit chaos dead on in the face.

In an instant I bolted up and ran over to him. He was bent over on the ground, clutching his face. Everyone was hovering around him worried and unsure of what to do.

I pushed my way through and knelt down in front of him.

"chaos," I said, trying to stay calm, "Where did it hit you? Are you bleeding?"

His face was scrunched up in pain. "Between my eyes...on the bridge of my nose..." he mumbled through his hands, "I think it's bleeding, but just a little bit."

"Let me see," I said firmly, taking away his hands.

He had a nice black bruise where the ball had made contact and his left eye was slightly puffy. His nose was bleeding, but thankfully it wasn't broken.

"Anyone have a handkerchief? Towel? Tissue?"

"Here, use this," Shion said quickly, handing me her towel.

I tipped his head back carefully and plugged up his bleeding nose.

"Hold it there for a while," I ordered him, "Jr. can you get some ice?"

"Will do," he said, hurrying away.

"Is he going to be all right?" asked a worried MOMO.

"Yes. Luckily nothing's broken. But he's going to have a lovely bruise on his face for a while."

Shion got a relieved look on his face. Then an angry one. She jumped up and glared at Allen, who had been watching the scene unfurl in horror.

"You _careless **jerk**_" she yelled, "You could have really hurt him! I hope you're happy _Allen_!"

"But..." he squeaked, obviously hurt, "I didn't..."

"You should be ashamed of yourself! I should smack you in the head and see how _you_ like it! I aught to ..."

She continued to rave as Jr. came back with an ice pack.

"Here," he said, handing it to me.

I gently placed it on chaos' bruised face and held it there.

"It's cold..." he whined.

"It'll help the swelling go down," I said flatly, "Let me see your nose."

He took off the towel and I inspected his face once again. The bleeding seemed to have stopped for the time being.

"Come on," I said, helping him up, "let's get you in the shade."

He wobbled to his feet and supported himself against my arm. I slowly led him over to the umbrella, carefully watching my steps to prevent him from blacking out. Shion was still yelling at Allen, and was now getting backed up by MOMO and Jr.

I looked on in sympathy.

I felt sorry for him, I truly did. He must be miserable now that Shion, the woman he was desperately trying to impress, was angry as heck at him.

However, I didn't stop to defend him. It was still his fault that _my_ one and only had a bruised forehead and bloody nose.

We sat down on the beach towel under the welcome shade of the umbrella. chaos still looked a little out of it, and rightfully so.

"Is it my imagination," he asked with a sigh, "or do you seem to be patching me up a lot lately?"

"It isn't your imagination," I said plainly, "Let me see your head again."

He removed the ice and I inspected the damage. His swollen eye had gone down a bit, but the bruise was still a deep purple color.

"How does it look?" he asked, "Will I live?"

"Of course you will. The bang-ups should clear in a day or so, _if_ you keep ice on them for a while."

He pouted a bit, but put the pack back on.

"Speaking of injuries," I continued, "how is your hand? I noticed you took all the bandages off."

"See for yourself," he said with a grin, while extending his previously burned hand.

I took it and looked it over, carefully running my fingers across the smooth surface, trying not to enjoy myself too much.

_Hmm, no swelling, no blistering of any kind, still a little pink, but looking better than it did yesterday._

"Does it pass?"

"Yes, it has healed very nicely. I don't think we have to worry about it too much anymore."

"You mean _you_ don't have to worry. I didn't even notice I had it in the first place," he said teasingly.

I let out a "Humph" and dropped his hand. I was slowly coming out of my "protective" mode that had initiated the instant that stupid ball made contact with his face. Protective Canaan was someone you didn't want to mess with. But I relaxed now knowing that he was out of danger for the time being. My eyes looked him over carefully, and I enjoyed the comfort of him being so close.

_I can't believe how freaked out I was when he got hit. It was like my world had come crashing down. I had to see if he was all right. I would die if anything serious happened to him. He doesn't deserve to get hurt._

"Hey Canaan," he said suddenly, "I really didn't get a chance to thank you for your help yet, did I? I thought it was really sweet the way you were so concerned and rushed over to help."

"It was nothing," I said modestly, "I was just helping out."

He grinned at me.

"You know..." he said, his face turning a little more serious, "I've been noticing you go through a lot of changes lately. What's it been...three days since that little…incident shall we say? You've experienced a lot, but I was wondering...have you ever felt _happy_ yet?"

"Of course I have. Why wouldn't I?"

He pointed an accusing finger at me. "Then how come you haven't smiled? You _never_ smile. I've seen a sarcastic smirk a few times, but never a smile."

I was stumped. He was right, wasn't he? I haven't smiled yet even _once._

"I haven't really thought about too much..." I admitted, still perplexed.

"Are you just...not used to yet the concept yet?" he asked.

"I guess..."

He smiled kindly. "There there, I didn't mean to make you upset. Don't worry about it too much, okay? I'm sure it will come to you in time."

I nodded my head and felt a little better. I noticed that Shion and the others had finished giving Allen their "talking too." He was slumped over, eyes downcast, a complete wreck. Again, I got a sympathetic look on my face.

_I would fling myself over a cliff if chaos called me a "careless jerk."_

chaos looked over to Allen as well.

"Poor guy..." he said, "I should probably talk to him, shouldn't I? It might help to smooth things over with Shion."

I raised my eyebrow. "So you _have_ noticed."

"Yes, well, you see a little while ago Allen was mopping around after Shion had turned him down for a casual "get together." He was real bummed. I happened to bump into him, and he kinda spilled everything out. It's a shame he can't seem to just _tell_ her..."

"Yes...a horrible shame," I said a little bitterly.

He stood up.

"Here goes," he said.

He walked toward Allen. I took the liberty of tuning in and listening to their conversation.

"Allen? Are you all right?"

Allen's eyes shot up.

"chaos? I'm _sooo__**sorry**!"_ he cried, flinging himself at chaos' feet, "I was _so careless!_ I can't _believe_ I **_did that_**! Please _**forgive **me!"_

"Allen," he said kindly, "relax. Stand up."

Allen wobbled to his feet, but was still slumped with shame.

"Allen, it's not your fault. That spike could have hit anyone. My face was the one that just happened to be in the way. So no need for apologies, okay?"

"Okay…" Allen said, smiling weakly.

"Say, where did the others go?" chaos asked.

"They said they were going for a walk. They said I couldn't come..."

"Listen, I'll go catch up with them and smooth things over. They _were_ rather hard on you. I'll go and talk to them, okay?"

Allen's face lit up. "Really? You will? Wow, thanks chaos!"

"You're welcome," he said with a grin.

He glanced past Allen. "Would you like to come?"

I jumped realizing he was talking to me. Slightly embarrassed that he had caught me eavesdropping, _again, _I replied, "No no, I'll stay here."

"Okay then, I'll be right back," and he went to catch up with the others.

Allen sighed in relief and seemed a lot happier. Then he got a disheartened look again.

_Now what?_

He started to meekly shuffle to where I was sitting.

_What does he want now?_

"Uh, hi Canaan," he said with poorly masked nervousness, "How's it going?"

"What do you want Allen?"

His extra wide grin faltered. His façade broke and he blurted out, "Forgive me!"

"What?"

"Well..." he said laughing nervously, "I know you kinda have a _thing_ for chaos, and I didn't want you to, you know, beat me up because I hurt him, and..."

I bolted up and glared at him, seething with rage. "You're aboutto get beaten up right now if you keep talking like that."

"Whoa whoa!" he said bringing his hands up in defense, "I didn't mean to get you angry! But it's kinda obvious, to _me_ at least, how you feel about him."

"One more word Allen, and I swear I'll..."

"Wait! At least hear me out!"

I folded my arms and looked at him carefully. "Fine. But speak quickly."

"Okay, the fact of the matter is, I know when someone has feelings for another person. Call it a gift, call it experience, whatever. I saw the way you acted at that outing a few nights ago. I saw how you avoided my questions when we bumped into each other only a few hours later. And just now, I saw the way you keel-hauled it over to chaos when he got hurt! Don't deny it!"

I continued my death stare.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, you know. I have nothing against the fact that you're both guys. People can't help who they fall in love with. It just, happens, you know?"

I pondered this.

_You can't help who you fall in love with…_

_Isn't that the honest truth…_

And then I finally fell back on the ground, defeated. "Got that right," I grumbled, "I've been through all sorts of trouble for that little mischief."

"Aha! So you do admit it!"

"It would be pointless for me to continue my denial when you have me so obviously read."

He chuckled and flopped down next to me. He said, "That chaos is a tricky character, I will admit. You never know _what_ he's thinking. And as regards to troublesome, I can empathize. Every time I go with Shion on some mission, I'm terrified I'm going to get shot, or electrocuted, or _eaten_. Or worse, something horrible may happen to her."

"I know what you mean. I could have gone existing quite happily without continuously stressing over the well-being of some guy."

We both sighed.

"However," I continued, "in the end, they are worth it, aren't they?"

"Yeah..." he said dreamily, "But Canaan, even though it's hard to be certain about anything with him, I do know this about chaos; he _does _care for you. A lot. I'm not sure if it goes beyond that, but he still cares."

"Well, I guess I can live with that for now..." I said with a sigh.

We sat in silence for a while contemplating our better halves.

He stood up suddenly.

"I'm going to do it!" He said triumphantly.

"Do what?"

"I'm going to tell her! I feel empowered! I can send her a note telling her to meet me somewhere...give her a nice gift…then pop the question! Yes it's perfect!"

I inwardly smiled at his enthusiasm. "I'm envious of your courage, Allen. I wish you good luck."

"Thanks Canaan!" he yelled, running off toward the Elsa, "Oh, and your secret is safe with me!"

_It better be._

I shook my head at Allen's silliness and relaxed on my towel, enjoying the few minutes alone. It was nice not having all the noise and mayhem around. I listen to the ebb and flow of the waves. There was a soft breeze. My eyes began to get heavy. The sun was setting. Two dark figures were on the horizon. Then I knew nothing more.

I jerked awake at the sudden sound of approaching footsteps. I looked around trying to get my bearings, and realized that I was still on the beach. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, then contemplated what had gone on while I slept.

_I had a dream, didn't I? I didn't know I could dream. I suppose it's possible, but not really probable. Technically it could be a mass of unfiltered data just floating around in our subconscious, but still, it was really weird. Something about suits, the color blue, and a plate of shrimp. _

_And chaos..._

My face rose a couple degrees in temperature.

_Oh yeah...that part was...erm...interesting..._

_Very interesting..._

_I didn't know that was floating around in my subconscious…_

_He…he…he…_

_Ahem…_

The object of my lusty dream was currently walking towards me.

"Canaan! Wake up sleepy-head!" he called cheerfully.

I yawned, pretending to have just woken up, and asked, "How long was I out?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe a little more than an hour."

"That long? What took you?"

"Oh, I ran into KOS-MOS, Jin, and Ziggy on their seashell hunt. Had to stop in and say "hi." Sorry."

_Ahh, of course, KOS-MOS..._

"Anyway, everyone's mostly gone back to the Elsa. Better head there as well, huh?"

I stretched. "Okay...Hey, what about all the beach stuff? Shouldn't we take it back?"

"Naw, Jr. said to just leave everything here."

I slowly got up and grabbed my towel, draping it over my shoulder. We headed for the Elsa in silence, side by side. As we walked back, I stole a glance at the beautiful sight right in front of me. chaos was walking with a peaceful look on his face. He looked to his right at the water.

"Wow, what a sunset," he commented, "Lovely, isn't it Canaan?"

_Sunset? What sunset?_

_

* * *

_

Sorry if that last bit was confusing. I got the idea from a comic strip, and basically the idea is that Canaan was too busy ogling over chaos to notice the sunset. That's the "beautiful sight" he was talking about. There's going to be major plot development in the next chapter, so stay tuned!


	9. The Almost Kiss

FINALLY. I didn't think this would ever get finished! Yeesh… Sorry it took so long. It was the ending that gave me the most trouble! I redid it three times before I was happy! There will be some serious tones in this one, hopefully it won't be to strange either. I hope it's not too overdone… You'll see what I mean.

To my reviewers…

Google: Many revelations in this one! Yay!

Ruler of Dark and Light: Thank you thank you, please enjoy.

SephirothsGoddess: Allen finally has some luck in here! Yay!

Xenosaga Sister: Ahh, don't worry. Update your stories when inspiration comes to you. Very glad you like!

kikyogirl900: Thaaanks! Peace out.

Deona Lindholm: Yes, Allen doesn't get much appreciation. Poor guy. Nothing on business dudes in this one, but they will come up again fear not!

Wends: chaos has a very interesting wardrobe, yes? Glad you like the seashells.

Rikkali: In my writing experience, keeping characters in character is one of _the_ trickiest things to do. One slip up and it sounds horrible! Gah ne. I liked the sunset scene a lot. When I first read the basis for it I was like "Awwww, that's so cute…" Hey Rikkali, since you always write such long eloquent reviews it's a surprise you haven't written any fics yet. I think you would rock at it! Enjoy the chappy!

Oh yeah, before I forget, Chapter two of Nightmares was posted a little while ago. Check it out if you're bored!

* * *

_Hmmm, warm, bubbly, inviting, I can see why humans like these "baths" so much._

I was relaxing in the enormous bathtub in our room on the Durandel. The water was practically sloshing over the sides, and the vapors and bubbles filled my nose creating a tingly sensation like the one you get before a sneeze. The temperature was scorching hot, but it soothed and caressed my weary aching back and quadriceps.

Yes, my legs were sore. Very sore. In fact, my entire lower half was one big _ache_. Why you may ask?

My cheeky better half challenged me to _race_ of all things while heading back to the Elsa from the beach. It was at least a three and a half milerun from start to finish, and he never slowed down his pace once. Naturally, I couldn't just hand victory over to him because I was tired. He would have thought I was a wimp. So I ran that endless distance, and now I was paying the price for it.

Of course, the bout didn't affect chaos at all. I think he could have run another ten miles if he felt like it. He wasn't even winded by the time we got back to the Elsa. Fourteen years ago I could have beaten him easily and not even be tired. That distance isn't even long enough to be a warm-up for a typical Realian soldier. But…I haven't really been physically active for a _long_ time. It made me feel really really…old.

I didn't like that.

Anyway, he at least had enough decency not to wake me up before he left in the morning. He was actually very quiet for my sake. I didn't hear him leave at all. He left me a note saying the Captain was starting to nag about all his time off. He figured he had better go into work to help smooth things over, especially after that little "mite" incident. The Elsa needed a lot of repairs, and who better to fix them than the engineer?

However, that just left me with me, myself, and I, three people I have begun to seriously _loathe_ as of late Much moping and pouting all morning was the result. I mean, what was the point of going out or doing anything if _he_ wasn't there with me?

But, after a while I figured I could stand to get some "alone time" as well as R and R, just this once.

Then I got the idea for a bath. I've heard Shion rave before about how she loves taking nice, long, hot baths, and how relaxing they were. I figured it would work for me too, right?

So I filled up the tub with steaming hot water and even added a few bubbles. Well, more than a few I suppose. I hopped in and almost instantly felt a little better. All the worries and stress I had seemed to wash away with the suds. Funny how the simplest things can be the most enjoyable. Why the heck hadn't I tried this before?

I stole some of chaos' bath stuff from off the counter, figuring he wouldn't mind too much. They were all soaps and shampoos of various kinds, and most smelled rather frilly and fruity. Some smelled like grape, others cherry, and there was one that smelled like an extremely ripe banana. Maybe it was just me, but I thought it was kind of weird to find all that stuff in a guy's bathroom.

_Well, neither of us are "ordinary guys," I suppose. At least this solves the mystery of how he always smells so nice… _

_Not that I've checked or anything._

I experimented with the different bottles and used generous amounts of all of them while lathering myself up. The heavy fruit was almost intoxicating and it hung around the air of the bathroom. I dunked myself under, washing the suds off, then continued to relax in the warm water.

I don't know how long I lay there but it must have been at least an hour or so. By the time I got out the water was cold and my fingers and toes were all wrinkled. Lovely…

But I did feel exceptionally refreshed and squeaky clean. I snagged a towel and dried myself off before pulling on a robe. I stole a glance in the mirror and saw that my hair was all frizzed and tangled from the combination of sleep and a current hair washing. Sighing, I grabbed a brush and began to tackle the snares.

_My hair hates me. That's the only explanation I can come up with._

I battled with it for fifteen long minutes, but after the first two I started to get quite frustrated. I seriously considered getting a pair a scissors and just hacking it all off. But then it would look _really _bad. So I sucked it up and continued to torture my scalp. After lord knows how long, I finally loosened the last tangle. Relieved, I quickly styled it and put the brush to rest.

_I don't know how chaos manages to deal with that mess of hair he has. Every single day it always looks so shiny and perfect like something out of a women's fashion magazine. I guess that's why he takes so long getting ready in the morning. _

Musing about hair a little more, I yanked on some clothes from the closet and inspected myself in the mirror again. My yellow eyes stared back, causing me to flinch a bit, but other than that I was satisfied I looked half-way decent.

_I know chaos said I shouldn't be ashamed of my eyes, but it's really hard not too be. I would trade them for someone else's in a heartbeat._

_Speaking of words of wisdom from chaos…_

"_Then how come you haven't smiled? You never smile. I've seen a sarcastic smirk a few times, but never a smile."_

Those words he said to me the other day have been in the back of my mind, bugging me ever since.

_How come I haven't smiled yet? It's not like I haven't had a reason too. I guess it just doesn't come naturally to me. I've had that same blank look on my face for as long as I can remember. _

_Hmm…_

_Maybe…I just need...some practice?_

Glancing around to make sure no one was there spying on me, and at the same time scolding myself for my paranoia, I leaned in closer to the mirror. I stared at my reflection for a long time. I willed my lips to turn upward, like I seen him do so many times before. I felt really silly standing there practicing how to _smile, _of all things. Figuring it might help _not_ to stare at myself, I turned away to ease the awkwardness.

I shook off my doubts and focused. I forced my mouth to turn upward, forced my lips to get wider and wider. When they couldn't stretch any more, I held the position until my mouth hurt. Satisfied, I turned back to gaze at my triumph.

I looked like some psycho-killer fresh from the insane asylum.

The crazed grin turned into a scowl and I huffed in frustration. I ended up starring at my blank face for another ten minutes, cursing my lack-of-smile in my thoughts. Grumbling, I figured getting out of the room for a while would help clear my head.

_I'll practice the smiling thing later._

I stomped down the empty Durandel corridors and did my best not to worry about my award winning facial expressions. At least I had a fabulous frown. As I did, I happened to spot Shion briskly walking in my direction. Her head was down and she didn't make eye contact with me as I came up toward her. This was odd for Shion, who was usually so perky and social. She must be having an off day like I was currently having.

"Shion," I said with a polite nod, passing her by.

"Oh! Canaan, hello," she said in a startled voice, head darting up, "Um, wait…before you go…"

"Hmm?" I asked, stopping to listen.

"Erm, this may seem like a…ah _strange_ question, but…uh, you haven't seen..._Allen_ around lately, have you?"

I raised my eyebrow in surprise.

_Allen? Where did that_ _come from?_

"I haven't actually, at least not since yesterday. Why?"

"Well..." she stammered, color rising in her cheeks, "You see he left me...the _sweetest_ note in my room the other day, telling me to meet him at the park tonight. He's been acting so _strange _lately, and, uh, well..."

She shyly smiled, "I guess you don't want to hear about my silly worries. Thank you Canaan."

She bowed respectfully and hurried off.

I was left there slightly dumbfounded.

"Shion," I called to her retreating back.

"Yes?"

"Are you...going to go through with it?"

She grinned, "Of course I am! What kind of person would I be if I didn't?"

_True..._

"Wish me luck!"

I was once again alone.

_That little twit actually went through with it? I thought for sure he would get cold feet. Well, if he can do it, then why can't I? I refuse to think that Allen's a bigger man than I am._

_But what can I do to show him?_

_Hmm hmm hmm...well, at least I know that perhaps…perhaps...there's hope for me after all._

_

* * *

_

The growling of my stomach eventually led me to the food court. After overly indulging myself in numerous sweets and cakes I got the brilliant idea of bringing chaos some lunch. Not only was it an excuse to see him but a chance to impress him will gifts of fat and sugar. Two brownie points for me. Plus, the thought of him choking down another meal burned to an unrecognizable form by Tony, Hammer, or God forbid Mathews was quite unappealing to me. So I grabbed an assortment of treats for him and headed to the Elsa.

I found him on the bridge, alone.

The others I assumed had left for their break. He was at his station busily typing away on the console. Upon hearing the doors opening, he turned around and smiled when he realized it was me.

"Hello Canaan," he said cheerfully, "What brings you here?"

I held up my bag of goodies. "I brought you some lunch. That junk you're forced to eat everyday should be quarantined by the health department."

His eyes lit up, "Really? Thank you Canaan."

He graciously received his package and dug around in it. "Let's see...cheese, bread, apple, ohh a piece of chocolate cake, two even...how did you know I liked chocolate?"

_Lucky guess?_

Grinning, he continued, "I feel so pampered. I bet even Jr. doesn't have his lunch hand delivered every day."

I leaned up against the side wall. "Well, don't give me too much credit. All this was secretly confiscated from the Durandel."

He laughed and munched away on his food. "You know, you've been so nice to me lately, I really appreciate it."

My stomach got a familiar fluttery feeling.

_Well, at least he noticed something. About time._

Then his smile turned to suspicion.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He stood up and leaned in close to me. I could hear him take two sharp breaths through his nose.

…?

"Canaan," he said, voice darkening, "Did you use some of my soap on the counter this morning?"

_Oh great, is it that obvious? I shouldn't have used so much I guess…_

"Well, yeah, so?" I stammered, "I didn't have any of my own, you know."

"Can_aaaan_!" he pouted, "Did you know how _expensive _that stuff was?"

"Well, no, I…"

"It cost me a month's salary to get all that! I wish you would have asked me first!"

"Well, it's not like I can call you from the tub and say, 'Hey chaos, I'm in the middle of a bath, can I borrow you're soap?' But you can get new stuff, right?"

"_New_ stuff?"

_Slip on the tongue again, darn it. _

"Well," I stuttered, "I kinda used up all the rest of it…"

"What! You mean there's none _left?"_

Trying to save my skin, I did my best to carry on with my defense. "There wasn't very much in each bottle, and I figured you wouldn't mind, and…"

"But there were at least six different bottles!"

"I, uh,"

"Canaan, honestly…"

My eyes turned downward, "I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I'll try to be more careful next time…"

I heard him let out a slow sigh. He shook his head, "Ah, I don't know what I'm going to do with you," he said with soft laughter in his voice.

I didn't say anything.

"Oh, I guess it's no big deal. _I'm_ sorry _I _got so ruffled," he grinned, "That was a pretty silly thing to get upset about, huh?"

I looked up with a flat stare on my face, "Actually, now that you mention it…"

"Very funny. But hey, I can't stay mad at _you_ for very long anyway."

"I'm glad."

"Good, so that's settled," Then he smirked, "However…"

He reached over a poked me sharply in the stomach, causing me to wince. "That's for using all my soap."

"Hey…" I growled, holding my side, "What was that for? Aren't you supposed to be some sort of holy pacifist or something?"

"What ever gave you _that_ idea?" he asked innocently, "Besides, don't be a baby, it didn't hurt that much."

"Did so. Here," I stated, jabbing his front.

"Ow…hey!"

"You started it."

"But I'm a lot smaller than you! You've got an unfair size advantage!"

"So?" I marveled how cute he got when he was mad. I was beginning to enjoy this.

"So? So! Fine!"

He reached out to clobber me again but I "gracefully" side stepped him. Lucky me, I tripped over my feet from a combination of clumsiness and aching thighs. In an attempt to regain my balance and not go crashing to the ground, I grabbed onto the only thing available for support, which happened to be his arm. But, like he said, I _was_ a lot bigger than him…

We both landed in a tangled heap on the floor.

"Nice Canaan," he grumbled, picking himself up from on...top…of me, "You play dirty while having extremely bad coordination, the perfect combination."

"Sorry…" I apologized, noticing how close his face was to mine. He was sitting on the ground right next to where I lay sprawled out, leaning over my head.

Grinning, he said, "It's okay. Like I said, can't stay mad for too long."

The awkward position we were in didn't seem to bother him at all. Wish the same went for me. Being the typical male that I was, his nearness was rather, well, arousing. He was just so _close_. I did the best I could to avert my eyes from his lips that formed a smile just above my face. Men are ruled by what they see and, regretfully, that was my case as well. I chided myself furiously for my longings to get so out of hand. But why did he have to be so…_desirable?_ My insides began to clench and I could feel passion and lust begin to cloud my better judgment. I mean, literally, if I leaned only a few more inches up…

I shivered at that thought.

The erotic taboo of kissing another man teased me in the back of my mind. Is it normal, possible, for someone to react like this? Is this really…right? And even besides all that, if I did…_kiss_ him, what would _he _do? Would he reel away in disgust? Would he…kiss me back? Or would he just sit there in quiet shock?

_Hmm, well you know, there's really only one way to find out…_

…

_Nonononononono, that would be the bad idea to end all bad ideas. Worst case scenario I can picture is that he violently rejects me and our friendship will be ruined. Then he'll probably have KOS-MOS beat me up or something and then she'll dangle him in front of my face for the rest of my miserable life. _

_However, the best case scenario…_

"Are you all right down there Canaan?" he asked, noticing my silence and zoned expression.

I tried to respond, by my voice was lodged in my throat. I could only continue to stare at him. All my inhibitions were long gone. Want and desperation filled me to the brim. As if acting on their own, my face, my lips, carefully, slowly, moved up toward his. I could feel his breath upon my cheek, the warmth of his skin through the thin clothing he wore, and see every glimmer of light in his pure green eyes…

"Canaan?" he asked in confusion, his voice barley above a whisper and his eyes wide with uncertainty.

I moved in closer. There was no turning back now. I was glad I wasn't standing because my arms and legs were turning to jelly. My brain was making a pathetic attempt at reason, telling me this wasn't the way to find out his feelings. But my heart was begging me to continue, wanting to feel his soft lips on mine. Whoever said that the farthest distance between two places was that of the heart and the head…

_Please, chaos, don't hate me for this, I can't help it. I love you so much, but this is all I can do to show it…_

Five centimeters from his face, four centimeters from his face, three centimeters, two centimeters, one.

_Please don't hate me…_

I could feel his heartbeat pulsating from his chest. I closed my eyes and leaned in the last few hairbreadths.

_Please…_

_Oh…_

I felt my lips press up against something, but, the timing was off, it happened…too early?

My eyes opened to see my face pressed against his bare hand, held up between our lips, blockading my advances.

_W…what?_

"Canaan," I heard him say, his voice calm and serious, "What in the world are you doing?"

"chaos, I…um…"

"You're not answering my question."

He abruptly stood up and looked down where I still lay. His eyes were filled with hurt, betrayal.

_No no, this wasn't suppose to happen like this. Canaan you stupid jerk what have you done?_

"Did you think you could do something like that without…permission? Or at least consent? Or maybe a _warning?_"

"I…"

"What? Did you think I would be some easy catch? A quick thrill? Some toy for your feelings? I don't think so! I can't believe you!"

"It's not like that…." I begged in desperation.

"Then what is it? Answer me that,"

_Oh lord, he's so mad, this isn't going right at all…say **something**._

I breathed in slowly trying to regain my composure. The words that followed were ones I didn't know I had the guts to say.

"I…I…I care about you chaos. A lot. More than anything. You're not some quick thrill to me. I have such respect and concern and devotion…and I'm sorry I picked such a bad way to show it."

_Whoa whoa whoa, where did that come from? Now? Now you pick to tell him? Well said, but why now?_

I didn't look at his face for fear of what I might see. Horror? Loathing? Detestation?

Hatred?

But…

"You care about me?" he asked in whisper.

"Yes," I said in hopeful relief.

"How…how much?"

"I just tried to kiss you…what do you think?"

He gave a soft uneasy laugh. He calmly sat down again, this time right by my side.

Both of us were silent for a while. But what could either of us say? He now knew that I cared about him. I had set the gears in motion. Or had stopped them forever.

The silence broke.

"No one…had told me they cared for me, or tried to kiss me for that matter, in a very very long time," he said softly, almost shyly.

I looked over to him.

"It's…kinda nice…"

I felt like kissing him all over again.

_Restraint, restraint Canaan._

"But, maybe a little sudden."

"Sudden? I've been trying to drop hints for a while now, haven't you noticed? I wouldn't do something of this magnitude unless I thought I was out of ideas."

"Well…Canaan, I don't think I'm…you're…either of us are ready for this."

"Not…ready?"

"No, you, you're still so young emotionally and have so much to go through, and I…well…"

"I'm not asking for commitment or undying devotion, I just…like you. And I want to explore that, a little, that is, if you don't mind…"

"I don't know…"

"Know what? chaos I would appreciate it if you were honest with me. If there's…something…I want to know. But if there's nothing, and I've just ruined everything, then I won't speak of it again and will quietly leave."

He seemed startled by this.

"No no, it isn't that. It's just…well to be honest…" he paused, "To be honest, I…don't really know _how_ I feel about you."

"You don't know? Is that a nicer of way rejecting me?" I asked a little cynically on the verge of breakdown.

"No…no…no Canaan…I don't know…the truth is, it's been a long time since I've felt anything strong for someone else…I've almost forgotten what's it's like…"

"How long?"

"Since…forever."

"That is long…"

He sighed. "I…well…no no, forget it…"

I looked at him intensely. "No, go on. I want to know. Please?"

Silence.

"I can't…really get into details, but, the last person, people, who loved me and cherished me…they were the ones who also betrayed me."

"Betrayed?"

"Sold me out. Deserted me. Left me to the wolves. I think you get the picture."

"chaos…that's horrible…"

"I've since then filled myself with a desire to be kind to everyone, but in truth I've never allowed myself to get too close to someone ever since."

"I never knew that…" I breathed.

"I've never told anyone that…" he replied.

"No one?"

"No one."

"Is that…why you're unsure about your feelings?"

"Yes."

More silence.

"I think, perhaps," I said, "based on my feelings and your lack of, we both need to do a little more exploration in this field."

He smiled. "I think you're right."

A silent promise passed between us, just then, sitting on the cold floor of that bridge. We were both people who had never given or received love or care, or in his case not for a while, and here we were, finally, maybe, getting a chance to share it with another. It was a strange agreement, a strange relationship. Nothing was permanent, nothing was official, but it was there none the less.

"chaos?"

"Yes?"

"No matter where this, whatever "this" is, might lead us, or what may come from it, I don't want it to ruin our friendship okay?"

"All right, me neither."

Silence.

"Sooo…now what?"

"Now? Now I have to get back to work before Matthews gives me another lecture on work ethics. Work ethics, honestly."

He stood up then extended his hand to help me get to my feet.

I was glad to see his humor and good wit were back in place. He was the same smiley chaos, just like the one I had walked in on delivering lunch.

"Okay," he said holding up his right hand, "To make this final…I solemnly swear that I will find my feelings, open up to you more, and won't tease you about anything. For a while."

I mimicked his gesture. "And I solemnly swear to _peruse_ my feelings, to not steal your soap, and not try to kiss you again. For a while."

We both were acting rather childish. But you know what? I don't think either of us cared.

"Well, goodbye for now Canaan."

"Yes, goodbye chaos."

Neither of us moved.

"Are you waiting for something Canaan?"

"No no, all done here."

We didn't budge.

"There's something wrong here. Neither of us are moving."

I cleared my throat, "Well, I have found, in my recent observations, that usually two people with some sort of close relationship exchange a form of small physical intimacy before departure."

"Well spoken," he chuckled, "But I though you just said you weren't going to try to kiss me again."

"It doesn't have to be a kiss."

"Oh really? How about…a hug then?"

"Yes, a hug would be acceptable."

"Good."

"Good."

We rather clumsily squeezed ourselves into each others embrace. It was short, rather awkward, but a most enjoyable experience.

We broke our hug, said our goodbyes, for real this time, and we went our separate ways. He to his station, and I to…somewhere else.

When I left the bridge I leaned onto the wall for support, a little dazed.

_Did all that…really just happen?_

_It did, didn't it?_

I…felt joy.

* * *

Hope that wasn't too weird…but hey, chaos and Canaan? Not an ordinary relationship. In case you were confused, that whole betrayal thing was speculation on my part for chaos' assumingly "Christian" background. I think you know what I mean. Anyhoo, next chappy will have lots o insight into Canaan's mind as he tries to make heads or tails of their new "relationship." Yay Canaan! Hopefully it will come out a lot faster now that summer is almost here. Yay summer!

Lurve ATA.


	10. Ponderings

Ahhh, le summer iz here. And guess what? I finally finished Xenosaga Ep. II! YAAAAY! Dang the ending was good! But I have a question: who was that dude in white at the very very end who called Wilhelm "partner?" And was it my imagination or was that chaos' voice who sad the stuff on the weaver of the eternal Z thingy? Bleah…now I have to wait until the third one! Grrr. After finishing it I felt all giddy and of course glued myself to the computer to finish this. A bit philosophical this fic might become now I know the ending, but not too much. This might sound werid, but my ending makes a lot more sense now I know how the actual game ends! One more thing: I've been spelling "Durandel" wrong, it's "Durand**a**l" with an "a." Eeeeee. I'll have to fix that during my uber editing I plan on doing once this fic is finished.

To my reviewers…

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: That would be _awesome_ if you decided to make your own Cc fic! Rock on! What ideas do you have? I can't wait to read it!

Shair: Hehe. Planting trees are good! Cause without them, we would probably all suffocate, and then I couldn't update! Ah!

kikyogirl900: chaos was just surprised, like you said. I'd be a little freaked if one of my good friends tried to smooch me…

Xeora: Veeeery close I can assure thee.

Ruler of Dark and Light: Never fear. Moui grand kissy kissing will come later.

KOS-MOS rox: Hehe. A big S/A fan like you is probably gonna like this chapter!

KBkyle92: Since you were reviewer numba one, and gave good feedback after my "Oh dear are people going to like this" chapter, it made life a lot easier! Thanx!

YAY! ATA has gotten to fifty reviews! Thank thank thank you! Just one last thing: this chapter is mostly just progress. Much fun in next though!

* * *

Okay okay, let's go over this one more time to make sure you've got it right… 

You bring him lunch, which he likes and compliments you on…

He notices you've used his soap, he gets fussy and starts poking you…

You fall down in big heap, and **you**, with your stupid testosterone, try to KISS him…

He…rejects the kiss…and then you finally tell him your feelings…

Most of them…

He tells you he's unsure of his…you become, well you're not exactly sure what you would call it…

Then you both hug…

And that was pretty much it…

_All in all, a very delightful and eventful day in my oh so humble opinion._

_But trying to make heads or tails of it is really hurting my already confused head…_

_Or maybe it's because I keep walking around in circles._

Ten laps later around the cabin area and I wasn't even _close_ to grasping the events taken place. The fact that I had just tried to kiss him didn't seem to want to register in my mind. I had this awful tugging feeling that I would suddenly wake up and have it all be another dream. But then I would pinch myself to remind me this was all totally reality.

_Just yesterday for goodness sakes we were lounging under an umbrella "just friends." And then all that…I guess we're now...__  
_

My pacing ceased.

_Wait a minute, what are we now?_

…

_Definitely not just friends…but not "lovers" either…_

_Hmmm…_

_Boyfriends?_

…_yes I guess that's it…_

_But technically it's not quite official…so…_

_Temporary boyfriends?_

_Naw…_

_How about…Experimental Boyfriends?_

_Then again this is just a work in progress. _

_So…Semi Experimental Boyfriends._

_Yeah, there we go._

_Wonder if he would like that…_

My pace continued. I felt slightly happier now that I was making progress.

_This…is good. I've told him I like him, not love…yet…but at least he knows the half of it. He doesn't know what he feels yet…but it will come with time, right? I'll be patient, I can wait for him. All I need to do now is show him plenty of affection so he'll stay open to me. Won't have a problem doing that, but I just need to control myself a little better. I nearly scared him away when I tried to kiss him. So none of that. I'll keep my hands to myself. Most of the time._

_You know…_

_I couldn't help but notice that throughout our entire conversation it seemed besides the point that we were both guys…_

_Huh…wonder why? I thought that would be a bigger issue. Not that I'm complaining too much but still…_

…

_He might…like both. Guys and girls. That's possible, right? It's probably something like that. _

_Good. On to the next problem…_

_What about everyone else? I don't know their standpoint on things like this. Lord knows these turn of events will be a bit of a surprise. I can only hope they're as open minded as I think they are. I don't really care what they think of me, mind you. But if they look at chaos any differently I will have a problem with it._

_But apart from all that…_

My face allowed me to make a tiny…_tiny_ smile.

_Things are starting to get brighter._

_

* * *

_

So much had gone wrong and so much had gone right.

Just one more question left unsolved…

Is it really possible to be rejected and accepted…at the same time…by the same person…in one brief instant of failure and success?

Maybe there are no true answers.

And that is the way of the Universe my friend.

* * *

The days skipped by merrily. 

Three days actually. Three glorious perfect spotless flawless days…

Since that…"incident" shall we say.

I didn't get any sleep that day. After I finished pondering in circles around the Elsa, I went to the Durandal and pondered some more. When I finished pondering there, I went and pondered on the Kukai Foundation until the sun rose up.

Cursed pondering.

The real treat was getting back to the Elsa and have a relatively anxious chaos from my all-nighter squish me into a massive bear hug.

"I was worried about you," he said.

_Ahhhhhh…_

We ended up staying in our room all morning and talking. About…nothing really. Those really are the best kinds of conversations.

Since then we have become inseparable. Even more so than before. Well, actually I follow and cling to him everywhere and he puts up with it in his nice chaos way.

"Oh, there goes chaos and his shadow," Jr. teases whenever he sees us.

But still, it's just so…wonderful, I mean I've gotten to know him so much better than before. Well, most of the "knowledge" I've acquired are mostly pointless and silly things I've happened to notice while stalking him. As long as it's something I can work with.

As I have said many times before, when one asks him a question he doesn't particularly want to answer he usually changes the subject, asks you another question in return, or give some vague response. But I'm proud of myself. I've picked his mazy little head the best I can.

For example: Did you know he's ambidextrous? At least I think he is. He switches his hands a lot when he works and when he fights. I don't think he has a set dominant hand. When I asked him he said he had never really thought about it.

I've heard stories before on his Gnosis "disappearing act." Surprisingly, he gave _me_ more than the "It's something I can do" speech. He said that he's not entirely sure on how it works or where the Gnosis goes. He discovered he could do it by mere accident. Or so he says. He told me he wished he could use it more often and be useful…but it really wears him out after just one trial. Even though he doesn't show it.

I even got the guts to ask him about his miniscule shorts. He says they're comfortable and fit him nicely since he has such a skinny figure.

However, he still didn't answer all I asked. Like his age.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," was his only reply.

He must be really really old. I think.

So there you have it. My chaos in a nutshell. More or less. Most likely less than more though.

He's had his share of questions too. Some…less desirable than others.

The other day…for example…

"Canaan, can Realians have children?"

I sputtered into my morning glass of orange juice.

"W…wha…I beg your pardon?"

"Can Realians have children?" he repeated.

"Um um…er…why do you want to know?"

"I'm just curious. Or have I hit another sensitive spot eh?"

I flinched and cleared my throat. "Emmmmmm…well no. We can't have children. It's genetically impossible. We're born from test tubes, not wombs."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Interesting. Does that mean you can't have se..."

"AHH, whoa, no no no."

"What? No you can't have s…"

"NO. I mean yes…I mean..._don't go there_. I'm **not** answering that."

"Why?" He had a large grin on his face.

"Cut it out," I pouted, "I thought you said you weren't going to tease me any more."

"For a while, remember?"

"Hey…"

"There's no need to be shy!"

I slouched in my chair.

"You're so mean to me…" I pouted.

"Ohhhh, Canaan, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"Hmmmrrr."

Along with frequent interrogations on both our parts, and in between the harmless mocking, he's actually become quite intimate with me. I don't have to make up an excuse to hug or hold him and he doesn't seem to mind. It's never gone beyond that though.

I also told him about the title I've thought up for us: "Semi Experimental Boyfriends." He adored it, much to my delight.

* * *

Another thing happened. A big thing. Certainly caught _me_ by total surprise. The morning after…that day, Allen comes marching onto the bridge all manly like. Everyone was there and paid no mind to him at first. Then he says in a deep booming voice…and I quote… 

"**I've just had a date with Shion and it went** **_perfectly!_**"

Well my mouth dropped.

After Jr. received a few smacks to the head for calling his secretary and asking if the universe was coming to an end, all of us rampaged Allen with questions, like where did you go, what did you say, is there another date, did you get a kiss, the normal stuff.

"A fancy restaurant on the Foundation, deep thoughts of love and affection, yes, and sadly no."

All of us were quite impressed. We gave him his congratulations and rightfully so. The now prideful Allen ended up bragging to every crewmember, soldier, civilian, and Realian he could find about the whole affair. It was _the_ juicy gossip of the week, the "buzz" going around. Allen and Shion were getting quite a bit of attention from all of it, mostly from Allen's reputation of having the absolute worst luck with her. Neither minded. They both seemed to enjoy it immensely.

Naturally, with all the fuss about them no one had time to notice that chaos and I were becoming quite friendly with each other. But perhaps it was better that way. One shocker at a time.

What I did have the chance to do was meet with Allen privately and exchange notes on our "progress." It was actually kind of fun. He was dumbstruck when I told him that I tried to kiss chaos in broad daylight on the bridge no less.

"What if someone like Mathews or MOMO walked in on you two? You're a brave person Canaan, brave, but foolish."

"And why is that?"

"You can't just kiss someone casually nowadays! If I tried that move on Shion should would have slapped me! You should be very grateful that chaos didn't knock you out cold! You need to give some warning! Get permission!"

"Oh really? That's smart Allen. The next time I'll just say "chaos, I am feeling lustful, desirous, and overall turned on by your absolute loveliness. May I please take you in some dark obscure corner and make out with you within an inch of your life?"

"That's _not_ what I meant!"

We bantered back and forth for a while. In the end though there was a set air of competition about the whole thing. Who could get the first kiss fastest. Allen already had one up on me with the "official" date, but I was concocting up things of my own. This was starting to get interesting…

Oh, have I had my fantasies about what our first kiss will be like. If it comes that is…but I can dream. My favorite so far is the one where I sweep him up gracefully on a dark, deserted street, with the rain pouring down all around us, and a full moon overhead. I romantically tilt him back and kiss him full force on the mouth.

Rather simple, rather cliché, but rather charming, in my opinion.

* * *

Like everything, there are always the not so good moments. This didn't come from an outside source. The little gremlin in my plan came from my own mind and thoughts. This…little annoying voice…well just hear it for yourself. 

…

_Hey…hey…HEY. Are you insane?_

_What?_

_Will you knock it off already lover boy? You're starting to make me sick._

_Hush. _

_I will not hush. You're acting irresponsible, out of control, demented even. What has gotten into you?_

_Go away. Now. I don't have to deal with this._

_He's just humoring you because it fancies him. That's all. So stupid really._

_Shut up._

_He's just desperate for any kind of attention. Poor guy. He got stuck with **you** of all people._

…

These crazy random moments of unbearable doubt are the only things spoiling my day. It's like this nagging voice in the back of my head is the old Canaan, the stuffy bitter monotone stone cold one, which refuses to rest. It's crazy. The thing that works me up the most is…what if that voice is right? What if I am acting demented? What if he decides he doesn't like me? What if…

I'm going to make everything work out. Don't worry.

It had been one week exactly since I had received feelings and found I loved him. And it was all his doing technically.

I decided to do something special.

_Happy Anniversary love._

_

* * *

_

Heh. Sorry for the relative shortness. BTW, most of those "chaos comments" like how he might be ambidextrous came from "Heaven Unsolved," an incredibly spiffy shrine to chaos! It's got screenshots, doujinshi, fanart, and my favorite: screenshots from Xenosaga the anime! chaos is SOOOOOOO cute in it! Go see what I mean! SO KAWAII! Sorry I couldn't resist.

Cheers-ATA,


	11. Of Cherries and Chocolate

Ahoy! Sorry I haven't seen you all in a while. But the good news is that my Driver's Ed class is FINALLY done, so I'll have a lot more time to write. Hehe, you didn't know I was taking DE did you? Eeee, ATA on the road!

To my reviewers...

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: You're thinking about making a Cc story? Rock on! You're idea sounds uber cute! It's like seven minutes in heaven, cept it's ten…and it's days, not minutes. Hehe. Anyway, Wilhelm, he is a mystery man. I tend to think he is a not so good guy cause he is in cahoots with the I-think-he-killed-Ziggy Voyager guy and the I-like-to-eat-Realian-brains Virgil guy.

Misunderstood: Why thank you! It is tricky to make a crazy couple like this work, eh?

Ruler of Dark and Light: Methinks there will be some smoochin' in this chapter to keep ye satisfied. I will say no more.

Xeora: Ha! ATA will smite all yaoi-haters with her spiffy god-like omniscientness! Bruahah!

Angstling: Grammar hates me. No matter how many times I check through the chapter one little mistake always makes it to the final cut! Grrr. But thank you wonderfully for the lovely compliments, yes?

KBkyle92: Yes. "That" question. Hehe, chaos is so evil!

KOS-MOS rox: Oooooo a shrine! KEWL! ATA must make a shrine now!

kikyogirl900: Thank ya! Hey, did your fic ever work out? I hope you found out what was wrong!

Wends: I've gotten so many different "It was chaos' voice" "It wasn't chaos' voice" things I don't know what to think anymore! Eee. Xenosaga III, where are you in my time of need? You heard it is Albedo? Maybe, but wouldn't that be like, the second time he came back to life?

Nine reviews for one chapter? Wow!

* * *

One week anniversary. It was going to be **perfect**. **Nothing** would go wrong. And the more I told myself that, the heavier the weight in my stomach got. But hey, planning and placement are what Realians do best. But that doesn't mean we still can't screw it up. And with my track record, I need all the help I can get. Especially for the fiasco I had in mind. 

I wanted to plan something…_extravagant_. Something _elegant_. Something just for him that he would never forget for as long as he lived.

I had already enlisted the help of MOMO and Shion to keep chaos busy for the better half of the day. When asked why, I told them it was a surprise "thank you" party. They got all giddy in their girlish way and I heard Shion whisper, "Why is it _always_ the gorgeous ones?"

I didn't know what that meant. But they were helping so I didn't pry into it.

With the promise of chaos being out of the way, I hurried on with the rest of my task. I started with the mind numbing process of making the room spotless. I picked up crumpled piles of clothes off the floor (mostly his) and made up the disorderly beds. I picked up his junk of computer pads and engine reports from the tables and stuffed them into the closet. Then, after vacuuming, dusting, primping, and polishing the rest of the small space, the first part of my plan was complete. Now on to the fun stuff. Decorating this place to make it fit for a king.

…but, decorating with what?

Duh, with flowers and candles and stuff.

…but, where am I going to get those?

Buy them, of course.

…but I'm broke.

…

You must have some money…

Nope. None.

…

…oh

I wasn't just broke. I was _flat_ broke. I only had one dollars worth of credit on me. **One**. I didn't have an expenses card. I couldn't even take out a loan. And all the stupid procedures I have to go to for getting that Y-data stuck in my head, courtesy of Jin, eat up my already meager wages. Just a few of the mighty fine perks of being a Realian.

How was I going to pull this off without any money?

_Hmmm…Ziggy, Jin, and KOS-MOS obviously don't have any…Shion might have some but she's busy entertaining chaos…and of course Matthews won't be of much help…neither will Allen…_

_I suppose I could ask Jr., he's got loads to spare…_

_But then he would never let me live it down. I can hear the taunts already._

_Speaking of Jr…_

_Wait, he's got those games on his ship where you can win money, right? What are they called, slots? Yeah, slots. I'm sure I could get a little extra cash from there._

So I headed for the Durandal.

* * *

**Game Room** read the neon sign above the entrance. I proudly strutted in, feeling quite intelligent to remember that the Durandal had gambling aboard. The way to get rich quick, if you were lucky. So I've heard. 

But I didn't need _luck_. I had state-of-the-art technology invested in my eyes and reflexes. Plus if all else failed I could always hack into the system and trip the cash flow.

_I can't believe I am going to attempt to gamble my way into chaos' heart._

_But there is no other way._

Taking a seat at the closest available slot machine, I inserted my precious bit of money. The contraption sprang to life and the pictures started to rapidly spin.

I watched it very very carefully; my eyes were glued to the screen as I analyzed every detail. It was a simple matter of memorizing the pattern of the rotations and then stopping it at the correct time so the pattern with the most earnings lined up. It did require a bit of precision of my part, but nothing I couldn't handle. Simple really.

_Right…_

_THERE._

I punched the stop button and relaxed in my chair, confident of victory.

One cheery…two cherries…three cherries.

"_WINNER!"_ The machine belted. It lit up and made a racket with whistles and bells going off that caused me to jump. A million coins spilled out from the slot and fell on to the floor.The people around me looked on in envy and went back to their games with renewed enthusiasm.

_Jackpot. This is way too easy. Realians could get rich in a heartbeat if they went to their local gambling holes once a week._

I happily pushed my winnings off to the side and slipped in more money for another round.

_I'll have enough in no time._

"_WINNER!"_ The slot screamed again, but I was smart enough this time to plug my ears. The others around me started to stare. They watched as a million more coins fell into my lap.

"Did that guy just get two wins in a row?" I heard one ask.

"Yeah, I think he did. Lucky!"

"Lucky? Isn't that, like, impossible to do?"

I ignored their mystified chattering and quickly added to my winnings. Out of the corner of my eye I saw their mouths drop.

"Hey you!" hissed the boy sitting next to me.

"Hmm?"

"Yeah you! You won three times in a row man! How? You aren't cheating or anything right?"

"No. I'm not."

"Is your machine broken?"

"I don't think so."

"Then how!"

"It's just a matter of timing and speed. There's nothing to it."

"Really?"

"You must have great coordination!" said a bubbly woman to my right.

"I guess so."

"What do you need all that money for anyway?"

"I'm broke."

"Oh I see. Well looks like you're not anymore! Hehe!"

The machine hollered out again. The coins were beginning to overflow around me. A crowd was beginning to form behind my seat. I listened to see what they were prattling about.

"He hasn't lost yet?"

"No! He came in and won four straight games!"

"I bet it doesn't last."

"I don't know. He seems pretty determined."

"What's it for?"

"Probably some chick."

"Ohhh that's so romantic! I wish _my_ boyfriend had that kind of luck!"

Two more earnings later and the crowd was pilling almost as fast as the coins. I didn't see why they got so much entertainment out of this. But I guess a good winning streak doesn't happen too often. Human minds can get such simple pleasure. I mean, just _listen_ to their conversations…

"Why is everyone crowded around here?"

"Didn't you hear? A guy who until about ten minutes ago was broke and now he's winning the jackpots like crazy! And it's all going toward a fund to take his girlfriend out on a fancy date!"

"That's so cool! What a lucky girl!"

"Why can't you be like him and win all that money for **me **and take **me** out on a fancy date?"

"Uh, why is he doing it again?"

"I overheard something about a girlfriend. Oh! I bet he's trying to get enough money to buy her an engagement ring! Those things are so expensive nowadays! Especially if you want really really nice one!"

"Wow! I bet the poor dear is going to just _die_ of shock when she sees it!"

"Die? Of shock?"

"Hmmm? DIE? Hey you! Didn't you hear? His wife-to-be is in the hospital and she…she could die! He's trying to get enough money to pay for her surgery!"

"A surgery? It must be something critical if it's that expensive!"

"What an amazing guy…Yeah! Keep those slots rolling!"

_Where the **heck** do people come up with this stuff?_

_I went from impressing some girl to saving my ill fiancé on her death bed. Geeze…_

…

_Hehe…If only they knew…_

"_WINNER!" _The machine screeched tiredly for the seventh, and final time. Instead of the usual mountains of coins, only two blipped out from the slot. I tapped the screen in puzzlement and came to my conclusion.

"Guess it's out of money…" I stated.

There was a chorus of awed whispers throughout the now jam-packed room. They started urging me to move to another slot, but I figured I had more than enough money, and had caused more than enough fuss.

"Sorry. I think I'm done here," I said.

There were grumbles and downcast looks.

"HEY! What in the world is going on over here?" barked a commanding sounding voice from the entrance, "Make a path, make a path, _official_ coming through."

The crowd parted for an uptight looking man wearing a neatly pressed Durandal uniform.

"What's all the excitement? Nothing to see here! Go on go on, you're blocking the entrance! What if there was an emergency? Go back to your games or shoo!"

After a few rude remarks which I did not feel obligated to repeat, the crowd evaporated save for myself…and the sissy cop who was even more ruffled than before.

"YOU," he said pointing an accusing finger at me, "Are you the cause of all this trouble? And what's with all the spare change? Have you been tampering with the slots?"

"No. I just won. A lot. I got lucky I guess."

"Well move your "luck" somewhere else! You're disturbing the peace!"

"It's not like I asked for all this attention. But I will be _quite_ happy to leave…if you can arrange some means of transportation for all my winnings."

_Why bother? I bet I could jam all this money into that big fat ego of yours._

He huffed and protruded a large sack from one of the counters.

"Thanks…" I said dryly.

I stuffed my mountain of money into the bag, without any help from the smirking sissy cop, heaved it over my shoulder and turned to leave. I wasn't looking forward to carrying this weight around. But maybe I still could get the last laugh…

"You know…" I said at the threshold, "You'd better watch your attitude. You're never going to get a boyfriend if you keep acting like that."

His face turned a deep shade of purple and I hauled out of there before he decided to arrest me.

* * *

The rapidly approaching twilight hastened my pace as I dragged my colossus of change to the Kukai Foundation. 

_Stupid dainty law-dude and his stupid heavy money bag._

_chaos could arrive back any second and I'm still over here dawdling. _

I hadn't even bought anything yet for goodness sakes. Grinding my teeth and ignoring the ton of metal pressing against my back, I hurried into the nearest convenient store and slammed my money on the counter.

"Uhhh…can I h…help you sir?" asked the clerk turning a pale shade of yellow.

I craned my neck to the side of the sack.

"Listen," I said flatly, "I'll make this simple. I am in a huge rush. I've got about thirty minutes to turn a tacky, poorly decorated room into a romantic evening for two. So I will make you deal: I'll trade my huge amount of perfectly legal change for whatever I ask to have."

"W…what kind of things are you looking for?"

I paused.

"Twenty candles, twenty candle holders, a couple dozen roses, vases, plates, glasses, silverware, table cloth, _good_ wine, chocolate candy, chocolate cake, anything else chocolate you might have, and oh…you wouldn't happen to have fruit scented shampoo would you?"

* * *

Ten minutes of rapid gathering and wrapping later, I left the shop of the now extremely happy clerk with an even _heavier_ load on my back. But I was optimistic. Getting the room together would be a snap after all that noise. 

I reached the soon to be romantic getaway in record time. Someone upstairs still liked me for the room was still empty. I grimaced and let the heavy load fall with a thump.

_Owww..._

Only stopping a few minutes to catch my breath, I dragged out all my purchases and the panic-stricken decorating began.

_Focus now._

_Roses in vases, table cloth on table, plates, glasses, wine standing ready…_

_Chocolate in plain sight, soap under the table for later…_

_Twenty candles in respective holders ablaze, fire alarm working one hundred percent_…

I was starting to have fun with this, as strange as it sounded. I began to hum a tune I had caught chaos singing in the shower the other day and continued to spice up the room. I scattered the candles in various places and set the bundle of roses neatly on the table. I sliced up the cake into even pieces and put one on each plate. I popped the cork on the wine and poured a few drops into the glasses. I wrapped the candy in a huge red bow and finished off by dimming down the lights.

The only thing left to perfect now, I realized, was myself.

But…

After rushing around totally stressed for most of the day and already suffering from lack of sleep, did I dare look in the mirror?

…

**_WHAT THE..!_**

Needless to say, I was not a pretty sight.

After much frantic scrubbing, washing, and brushing later, I was struggling into some cleaner clothes in the bathroom.

I didn't even have enough time to put on socks as I heard the doors swish open.

I frantically buttoned up the rest of my shirt for good measure. I pressed my ear to the wall and listened, five excuses already lined up in case chaos didn't like what he saw.

"Canaan! I'm ba…"

His sentenced ended with short gasp.

_That was a good sign…_

I undid the top of my shirt and left my feet bare.

I opened the door and poked my head out. My chaos was standing there in his typical space uniform with his mouth gaping open like a fish.

Adorning my face with a casual smirk, I stepped out and mused, "Good evening chaos. Do you like my little display?"

"Like? Like isn't even the word…how…when…?"

"Today, while you were out. Now…come here…"

Grabbing his wrist carefully I pulled him in and pressed him snugly against me. His rigid frame quickly relaxed and he nestled his face into my chest.

"You still haven't told me why…"

"Do I need a reason to spoil you?"

"I guess not, but…"

"I'm teasing," I said, pulling back, "In case you have forgotten, it's been exactly one week since…" I tapped my head to finish my statement.

"Really? Already? It doesn't feel like it's been seven days at all. And that's why…?"

"Yes."

"Wow…"

He smiled cutely at me. Even in the weird outfit and the darkened room he still looked lovely. The glow of the candles seemed to radiate and show off his finer features. His hair, his eyes, his face…

Was it the dim lighting or was his radiating face a pale shade of crimson?

I squinted down and asked, "chaos, are you blushing?"

He looked startled and retorted, "Yeah, so?"

I knew then I had him under my complete control.

My eyes widened in mock astonishment. "You mean my chaos, the _prince_ of calm and cool is getting embarrassed over a little surprise anniversary? I'm quite flattered."

"Don't rub it in."

"Oh, but I will. I will enjoy this greatly I can assure you."

A teasing smirk flickered across my face, "Now, come sit."

I led him by the hand over to the table and he suddenly found a great interest in the floor underneath him. I pulled back his chair, like a gentleman was supposed to do, and he quickly sat down. I took my seat across from him and gazed at him fondly.

"What?" he asked.

"You look fantastic."

He sank a little lower in his chair. "Nothing compared to you," he said meekly, "I didn't even dress up."

"So? You always look fantastic."

He face changed from cherry colored to strawberry colored.

I leaned in closer until our noses were almost touching.

"chaos…" I cooed.

"Yes?"

"Aren't you going to have your cake? Or do I have to eat it all by myself?"

He looked down at his treat suddenly like he hadn't even noticed it was there. He wordlessly began to stuff his face and downed the cake a little quicker than he usually ate.

He hiccupped and wiped a napkin across his lips.

"Done already?"

"It was really good."

"Another piece?"

"Please."

He ate this one much more slowly and his face regained that familiar chaos smile. I stabbed my fork into my slice.

Roughly eight pieces of highly saturated chocolaty fat later, we leaned back in our chairs with full stomachs and slackened belts. We were picking at the candied chocolates now.

"I think that's the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life," he said.

"I know that's the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life," I said.

"It was all wonderful, really."

"Oh, but it's not over yet."

"There's _more?_"

I reached down and pulled out my poorly wrapped present of mango and kiwi scented soap.

"Goodness Canaan!"

"Open it. I think you'll be surprised."

He excitedly pulled off the bow and paper. He held the two brightly colored bottles in his hands and burst out laughing.

My confidence faltered. "Something wrong?" I asked.

"No no no! Nothing's wrong at all, I just can't believe you got me…this!"

My face sunk. "You don't like it, do you?"

"No! Canaan," he said earnestly, "this was really, _really_ sweet of you. I love it. Seriously. I just can't believe you found any of this stuff! I thought it was a one time deal!"

Relief flooded me and I said proudly, "Well, the guy at the store said they _were_ pretty limited."

"I'll bet. Oh…now I feel all guilty. I didn't even get _you_ anything."

"I don't need anything."

"Still…" He paused and gazed wondrously around the room, "I can't believe you did all this…"

"Why not?"

"Well, no one ever, you know, throws me parties or surprises. Usually I'm the one who does it for them. I can't even remember the last time someone gave me a present."

I shook my head. "Shame on everyone then. You deserve way better than that."

"I don't really mind though," he said quickly.

"Don't make excuses," I scolded.

He sighed. "All right all right, whatever you say," he said with a grin, "Anyway, I am virtually exhausted from eating so much, so I am going to go try out my new present and take a nice, hot bath."

He wobbled up from his seat and made his way to the washroom behind me. I stretched lazily in my chair in utter triumph and paid no mind.

Never in a million years would I have dreamed what would happen next.

I felt a pair of hands placed on my shoulders and then wrap around my neck. I felt a hot cheek placed on the side of my head. His hair fell effortlessly across my face. His gently breathing tickled my ear. I didn't dare to move.

"cha…" I was able to sound out.

Remember that "control" thing I was talking about a little while ago?

He sensuously pressed himself closer and whispered, "Thank you so much for this evening…Sweet dreams Canaan…"

I sighed in contempt and closed my eyes. I always loved it when he held me, but this was _so_ much nicer.

Something moist…something…delightfully warm…pressed up against my cheek. The door behind me opened and then closed.

I blinked in utter puzzlement.

_What in the world was that?_

I grazed a finger across my cheek. It was hot to the touch and I was positive it was a lovely shade of magenta.

It dawned on me that the only explanation was…

_Did he…did **he**…did he just…kiss me?_

I nearly fell out of my chair in shock.

I vowed never to tease chaos about his blushing again. I was sure my face had gone from orange to purple and back again by now.

_He kissed me…on the cheek…could that mean…is it possible…that he just…might…_

_Love…me…?_

_

* * *

_

Finally some kissing! Even in its subtly reduced form, it still is something right? Don't worry. ATA wants mouth to mouth as much as you guys! Oh, and the whole "Canaan is broke beyond belief" is a bit of a shout out to my lovely reviewer Wends. Keep on trucking!

Cheers-ATA


	12. A Moment's Peace

ARGH! I am soo sorry this chapter took so long. I can't believe it myself, really. Eee. Anyway, I can almost promise you this will hardly ever happen again. Blah. Anyway, I hope this chappy won't disappoint your long wait.

To my lovely reviewers…

Aubuyn: Swweet…you must have done some digging to get to my humble fic, ne? Thanks!

xchaosx: I do try to make chaos' personality as accurate as possible. Thanks for reviewing my other story as well!

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: I hope you got your computer working by now! I think I would DIE if something like that happened to mine…anyway, you live in Houston? SWEET! I live not even an hour away from there. ROCK ON! I hope you enjoyed the Philippians!

The Flamer: Geeze, if you want kissing that badly, go read a PWP.

Angstling: Spazzes unite! Yay! Aw shucks, thanks.

Wends: Hoped you would like. And the AU? Coming veeery slowly I will admit, but it is not dead. I will have more time for it when this is finished.

Xeora: Fanart? For ME? I LURVE fanart! Yay!

kikyogirl900: Yay kissing! Hey, I think you finally did get something up, didn't you? I thought I saw something of yours floating around. Just goes to show how slow this came out. AH!

KBkyle92: Go kissing! Thanks!

Nine? Wow. On with fic!

* * *

Since I'm sure you're just _dying_ to learn some brand new interesting facts on Realians, I'm here to supply.

Realians don't age. That one's not a huge surprise. I had the same face when I was two and will have the same face when I'm two hundred. For that reason, it's impossible to tell how old any of us are without asking.

Realians don't grow. Taller, to be specific. Five seven now, five seven forever.

We don't shrink either like some old humans do.

We are stuck in the same exact bodies for the entirety of our lives, which quite possibly could be a very long time.

After hearing all this, one is expected to conclude that we can't get larger, correct?

I mean, if we don't get taller and if we don't get older, why should we gain weight?

Unfortunately, this fact is not entirely accurate, for like everything else that eats, there's always the possibility of eating _too_ much.

Which brings me to my main point…

_Why am I having so much trouble getting these **stupid pants on**?_

Not any old pants either. It was this lovely pair of black slacks that chaos had bought for me only a few days ago. When I first tried them on, they fit fine. But now as I stood barricaded in the bathroom I was struggling just to get them over my midsection. And I could only dream of trying to get a belt on. I honestly didn't get it.

_I couldn't have possibly eaten that much chocolate, could I?_

_No way am I getting…fat, right?_

There was an annoyed rapping on the door.

"Canaan! Aren't you done yet? What's **taking** you so long?"

"I'll be out in a minute, okay?"

"That's what you said nearly half an hour ago! Last time I ever let you use the bathroom first…"

My pants still refused to be buttoned. At one point I lost my grip on the material and my arm went flying straight into the sharp corner of the bathroom counter. I bit my lip so hard to keep from shouting every obscenity I had ever picked up from hanging around his friends too much. I was successful, and a good thing too; I learned the hard way that chaos didn't like _any_ kind of profanity whatsoever.

Beyond desperation at this point, I sucked out all the air from my stomach and held my breath. This allowed for a much smaller waistline, and ere fore the button easily slid into place. Problem solved.

"All yours," I said exiting the washroom. A rather tousled looking chaos glared daggers at me before heading inside. He had the night shift on the Elsa and definitely wasn't his normal perky chaos-self. Who would be after getting only five hours of sleep?

But you know what? It was kind of nice seeing him so _im_perfect for a change. It meant he didn't have a need to act civilized around me when he was in a bad mood. He could wear his feelings on his sleeve, so-to-speak. It was utterly and completely…human, I suppose.

Anyway, point is that he was quite crabby and even someone as charming as myself should keep my distance 'till he's gotten a chance to wake up.

I stood in front of the mirror adjusting my appearance when I finally heard the shower be turned on full blast. He must have had it on super-sonic hot because I could actually see steam escaping from under the door. A heavy sigh escaped from inside, indicating he was starting to feel much better.

"Hey Canaan!" he called.

"Hmmm?"

"Have you spoken to Shion or Allen lately? I know that there's a bit of a fuss going on at Vector and I was wondering if you got a chance to talk with them."

"Not a word," I said, speaking loudly enough so he could hear me through door and running water, "I swear Shion hasn't left her room in days, and Allen keeps dashing so fast from one ship to the other it's impossible to pull him aside."

"You haven't been told anything? I mean, you are a part of Vector yourself, correct?"

I snorted. "Please. They tell me _nothing_. About once a month I get a message telling me where to go and I go. That's it."

"I'm just a little worried, that's all." The water from the shower was turned off. "Shion has always been a bit isolated when it comes to her problems, but even this is a little extreme for her. I always have a feeling that…"

I flopped on my bed with a few sweets in my hand (three days later and we hadn't even made a dent in the amount I bought him) and listened patiently to his worrying about his fellow companions. He's been doing that a lot lately, worrying, you know. And I have remained his loyal sympathetic ear all throughout.

"…just don't know. I suppose it's possible it has something to do with KOS-MOS…"

I choked on a piece of chocolate I was stuffing down.

_He just **had** to bring **her** up…_

"Oh dear, I'm sorry," he said, poking his head from the bathroom, "I said the "K" word again, didn't I? I know how much you don't like her."

Two days ago chaos was on a rant about how KOS-MOS was making _so_ much progress in terms of emotions and human compatibility and whatnot, when I, well, kinda exploded at him. I was terrified he was going to explode back, but instead he apologized sincerely and promised to not talk about her so much. It was actually quite sweet of him.

"It's not so much I don't like her, it's just that I don't like _you_ talking about her so much."

"Okay okay, the subject is dropped."

He wandered out wearing a huge puffy bathrobe and ruffled his hair with a towel.

"Moving onto another one…like how you keep stuffing your face with _my_ candy, which you did give to _me_ by the way."

"I'm hungry," I protested, "Besides, you can't possibly eat all this by yourself."

He casually flopped down in quite a close proximity to me. "I could if I wanted to. Give me one."

He selected a piece from my outstretched hand and bit off a large hunk, chewing quietly.

He snuggled a bit closer. "Why can't every day be like this?" He asked suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"You know, like _this_."

"What is _this?_"

"Just…relaxing…and worry less…existing without the fear of the universe crashing down around you."

I paused to think. "I don't know…" I admitted.

_Poor thing…he sounds so tired…_

He sighed and leaned in, nuzzling my shoulder with his cheek. I just watched, daring not to move.

"Never mind then…I just want to enjoy this peace."

_So do I…_

…

_Hmm…how relaxing…_

…

Has anyone present ever heard of the term "Murphy's Law?" It's something I heard from someone some odd day…but that's not important. It is "The law or principle that if anything can go wrong, it will," right?

Well, I'm glad to see Murphy was still hard at work, for what seemed only a minute later of probably one of the most romantic moments of my life, there was a knock at our door.

"Canaan? chaos?" A voice asked, "Are you guys in there?"

"It's Jr…" chaos mumbled quietly, his head lifting up slightly, "We should probably get it…"

"Do we have to?" I mumbled back.

"Well…nah…he can wait…" was his sleepy reply.

"Hey! I know you guys are in there. Lemme in!"

"Maybe if we ignore him he'll go away…" I whispered.

"Oh whatever, I'm not wasting my time with this. Computer? Open the door to dorm 42 please? Override Gaig…"

We sprang apart so fast I was worried I was going to accidentally take chaos' head with me. The door's swished open and we tried to stand there as causally as possible and catch our breaths.

Jr. eyed us suspiciously as he stepped inside.

"Why didn't you guys answer me when I knocked the first time?" he demanded.

"Uhhh…."

"Ummm…"

He rolled his eyes. "Never mind. Canaan? I need to speak with you."

"Fine…" I said, swiveling a chair around and sitting, trying not to scowl too much.

Jr. yanked something out of his pocket and shoved it into my face.

"Do you know what this is?"

I blinked at the computer pad starring back at me. "It looks like a graph."

"And what is _on_ the graph?"

"A red line?"

_What does he think I am, daft? Where is he going with this?_

"And what is the red line doing?"

"…Going down?" I answered stupidly.

"EXACTLY!" he thundered, "These are the profits from gambling a few days ago! And you know what? We lost almost all of it from the slots! Do you know WHY Canaan?"

"…Because I won a lot?"

"WRONG. An extremely respected officer of MY ship reported today that YOU were tampering with the machines!"

"Respect…" I paused racking my brain for such an officer.

"Wait, you mean the pansy-cop? He _reported_ me?"

"Hey! He's one of my crewmembers, that you very much!"

"Yeah? Well he's wrong for starters, I didn't tamper with them, I can't believe he _told_ on me for goodness sakes, and you must have been a twit for hiring him in the first place."

"You're _really_ pushing me Canaan. I should just make you pay for all the money I lost right now!"

We both heard a snicker from behind us that undoubtedly came from chaos.

"You stay out of this!" Jr. huffed.

chaos quieted down and resumed twiddling his thumbs.

"There! Now where was I? Ah yes, now I expect you too…"

Jr. was interrupted by a ringing from within his coat pocket.

"…Hold that thought."

He yanked a device from his pocket and placed it to his ear.

"Yes?"

I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot impatiently while he took his cell phone call.

"…What? Say that again? From _where?_"

I glanced up, brows knitted with concern. That didn't sound good. I glanced toward chaos and saw his face wore the same expression.

"Okay okay, just relax, I'm with chaos and Canaan…yeah we'll be there in a sec."

He shoved his phone back into his coat pocket.

"What's wrong?" chaos asked.

Jr. drummed his fingers against his side, obviously bothered from the call. "That was Shion…and well…no one has any idea how…but apparently a few minutes ago some nutcases managed to get onto the _bridge_ of the Elsa, without being detected, and are _demanding_ to speak with all of us. They say it's "of the utmost urgency." She sounded really freaked out…"

"That's really bizarre..." I couldn't hide the worry in my voice.

"No kidding. And do you know what the really _weird_ part is? They claim they're messengers from Vector."

chaos' features darkened considerably.

_This certainly might explain a few things_…

"Anyway," Jr. continued, "We better get down to the bridge pronto. Who knows what this mess could be about."

* * *

With every step I took toward the bridge it seemed like a step closer to falling off the edge of the world. Something just wasn't right. Every second closer to those doors made the sinking feeling in my stomach grow deeper and deeper. chaos didn't look any better. He looked almost pale, if that was possible, and kept walking slower and slower.

The doors were now in sight. The breath in my lungs turned to ice.

We crossed the threshold and the world didn't end…yet. There was dead silence as we quietly filed in, afraid if we made the slightest noise everything would shatter. Everyone was already there, in their respective places: Shion, Hammer, Ziggy, Jin…

…And two strange men were standing in the center, both having an extreme air of superiority about them, wearing exceptionally crisp formal outfits…

_Wait…aren't they…_

"Ahhh good…it seems everyone has finally arrived…" said the smaller of the two. He practically purred out the sentence with his heavy black eyes smothering into all of us. "Now we can finally get to business…"

Matthews finally got the guts to speak up. "Hey buddy, what business is there to talk about? You break onto my damn ship, order us around like we're your servants, and now…"

"…that will be enough…" he interrupted in his sickly soothing voice, "I promise I won't take up any more of your…_time…_ than necessary. Now…let's see…"

He extracted a letter from his coat pocket and unfolded it carefully. He gave a quiet cough to clear his throat and began to read.

"To Miss Shion Uzuki and her companions…"

I saw Shion shudder out of the corner of my eye.

"…It has come to my attention that a very priceless piece of merchandise, which rightfully belongs to me, has escaped into your care some time ago. It has not received the full attention it needs, nor all the upgrades that were required, and therefore I am quite concerned for its well being and to yours as well. It has become quite unstable and is a danger to itself and to those around it, and any damage that may come to it will have dire effects on my long term plans."

There was a pause in his voice.

_Oh gods, it isn't talking about…me...is it?_

"In conclusion, I demand as your superior and its rightful owner that you willingly hand over the Kosmos Obey Strategical Multiple Operation System, KP-X No. 000000001 _immediately._"

Shock took over any relief I had. My mouth gaped open.

"Sincerely, Wilhelm. President of Vector Industries."

Before the room completely burst into an uproar, before I saw Shion faint and collapse into her brother's arms, I caught a glimpse of the expression on chaos' face. And, upon the mentioning of Wilhelm, it twisted into something of absolute…and total…horrified…terror.

* * *

Ending…strange…yes I know…forgive me…everything will be explained later….promise.

Ne. ATA.

P.S. I am taking Japanese. It is SOOOO spiffy. There's a crazy short dude in my class who reads yaoi fics. It is quite kewl, considering Texas, is like, THE homophobic capitol of the world. YAY SHORT PEOPLE!

Cheers, ATA.


	13. Dreaming

Yo. I was just re-reading some of my earlier chapters of this story and man…do I have some work to do. I plan on doing a complete re-edit once I'm through with this fic, which probably will be only a three or four chapters away. Sigh…

Anyway, yeah, I'm getting a six day vacation from the lovely Rita, who didn't really do much damage in my area anyway. Rita's another hurricane that struck down here for those of you who don't pay much attention to the news. I'm not saying it didn't do anything, but hey, I'm still alive. So…I guess this chapter, in some weird way, is dedicated to the victims of Katrina and Rita. Yeah, I'll go with that. You know I'm curious as to how many people actually read the "starting" author's comments at the top. If you read this, ahh, put "NI!" at the end of your review, if you do so. Just out of curiosity.

To my lovely reviewers…

Yeshua: Cliffy will be slightly explained, fear not. No worries, I'm just glad you reviewed!

Angstling: Hehe, please don't kill Rubedo, we all love him too much. Yeah, I know it was a pansy kiss, but be patient! Canaan and chaos WILL have their first real kiss! Eventually!

YuhiruK.A.A.J.: Gloria the computer is fixed! Score! Hey, did you have to evacuate because of Rita? Just curious. And don't be so hard on yourself about your writing!

KBkyle92: Nope. Not dead. Yet. I won't discontinue this fic when I've worked so hard to get this far.

kikyogirl900: Spiffy! I wanna be short, but NO, I'm MEDIUM. Grr…

Yami-chan and Unrealistic: Welcome new comrade! Thanks for the review!

And…action.

* * *

It was as if I were dreaming.

Everything happened so slowly and clumsily, and the mad swirling of voices around me seemed…heavy, and inaudible.

And I wasn't really there, no, I was somewhere safe watching this disorderly scene unfold from someone else's eyes. In my mind I could hear myself thinking…

_What foolish people these mortals are…_

Then I woke up.

* * *

Shion's fainting spell didn't last long. She was asking…no…begging these strangers… "Don't make me give KOS-MOS up…" I think MOMO, poor thing, confused and upset was sobbing off in a corner somewhere and Ziggy was trying to calm her down. Everyone else was on the verge of exploding.

Personally, I didn't know what the big deal was. So what if that stupid android went on vacation for a few days? That solved many of _my_ problems. It wasn't like we were ordered to dismantle KOS-MOS or perform some horrible experiment on her…right? It was just recall, done in Wilhelm's extremely annoyingly formal way.

On that subject, the two men in the center of the room seemed unaffected by the outburst. The smaller one's black eyes, that seemed to rake into your spine, were unsympathetic to our predicament. In fact they seemed almost amused. The other one, who hadn't spoken a word yet, stood there stolid as ever. I swear I didn't even see him breathing.

Maybe there was something a little more to this situation that no one's bothered to tell me about yet…

The smaller one began to tap his foot impatiently, indicating that he was waiting for all of us to settle down. When all our protests mellowed down to dull grumblings, he began, "Please, there is no need for such uncivilized conduct. This is completely normal protocol. There is absolutely no reason for you to be concerned or worried about the well being of KOS-MOS. Wilhelm will take…extremely…good care of it."

"_Her…_" hissed Shion.

"Pardon?"

"Stop referring to KOS-MOS as a thing! She's a living being with thoughts and ideas and…"

"Yes yes, but "she" is still a piece of equipment, belonging to _your_ boss. Now, I am running late, so if you will kindly escort **it** back to my vessel, I will be on my way."

"Hey...if you don't mind, your _highnesses_, I wouldn't mind knowing how in the world you managed to get on this station, on this ship, how did you know where we were?" Jr. had finally spoken up.

"We have our…ways."

"Ways?" Jr. scoffed.

"_Ways?" More like stalking I would say…_

"But…but…_why?_" asked Shion, her throat choking up, "Why is Wilhelm taking her away like this? And so suddenly, I mean…"

His eyes got darker, if that was even possible.

"Wilhelm does not have to explain himself for any of his actions."

"But…"

"Now now, Miss Shion, please. In all honestly I know nothing."

He smirked a sadistic smile. His partner only blinked.

"After all, I am only the messenger."

* * *

I was dreaming again. It seemed completely surreal to me, even though I was watching it happen with my own two eyes. I watched them escort KOS-MOS, who hadn't even _tried_ to protest yet, onto their ship with all her equipment in tow. I watched them take her far far away, until their vessel was nothing but a blip out in the vastness of the universe.

Shion was inconsolable, biting her lips together to keep from crying, and only by clinging to an outstretched arm of her brother or Allen kept her from completely collapsing.

A mother's grief is the greatest one of all, I guess.

But I still didn't understand what was going on. Why was everyone so upset? Could Wilhelm's recall have a more sinister purpose that I haven't "gotten" yet?

_I've never really thought about the possibility of Wilhelm being "evil." He's just a business man concerned about his creation, right?_

"Are you going to be okay? Shion?" Allen asked worriedly.

"Yes...I think...oh I don't know...What could he want with her? What? And to take her away like that without a warning...what is he going to do with her? I've never gotten to know Wilhelm personally, but this doesn't seem like him at all!"

_Besides, without him I could never have gotten my feelings, right? Without him, I would still be dolefully wondering around; an emotionless blob with a pitiful existence pining after a gorgeous someone way beyond my reach._

"If it's some consolation, Shion," Ziggy voiced, "I'm sure Wilhelm will do nothing to harm her, as his "messenger" stated, especially if he holds her in such high esteem."

"Ziggy's right!" MOMO piped up, her bubbly personality only allowing her to remain upset for so long, "He'll treat KOS-MOS well, I'm sure."

_But then again, the way chaos' face looked; it was horrible, when Wilhelm's name was on that letter..._

Wait a minute...

_Where **is** chaos?_

I glanced around frantically hoping my assumption was wrong.

But he was no longer there.

I didn't glance back at the others as I dashed out of the room. They didn't notice me anyway; they were all crowded around Shion trying to comfort her, oblivious to the pain of anyone else.

* * *

My stride was swift, aided by panic and worry, as I bounded down the hallway.

_Where is he? I turned around for two seconds and…and poof he's gone._

_This is all her fault, she's just so special, everyone loves her. Even when she's a million miles away she still makes my life a living heck, making my poor chaos worry like that._

I had already checked the obvious places fort his location: the park, the Elsa's bridge, the Durandal's bridge, the engine room, the E.S hangars, all the time asking everyone within calling distance if they had seen a young man with white hair walk by.

No one had.

I finally decided that if he wasn't back in our room I would head to the Kukai Foundation and search there. And if he wasn't on the Kukai Foundation...

Well, I hope it didn't come to that.

But relief was mine, for once, when I found him back in the room, unharmed. He was quietly sitting on his bed, facing the wall, his back toward me.

"chaos?" I asked. He shifted slightly.

A huge breath of air escaped me. "Phew, I was starting to think I was never going to find you. You...you scared me, what happened?"

Nothing.

Slightly irritated by his silence, I asked, "What is wrong with you? I run over half the ship looking for you, worried sick, and everyone else is still freaking out about KOS-MOS, and now you're giving me the silent treatment. I know you're probably a little upset, but I wish you would say something to me."

Nothing, again.

Now I was irritated. This was so unlike him, I didn't get it. If he was **this** upset about that damnable android chick I swear I'm gonna...

"Hey," I growled, marching over so I stood in front of him. I couldn't see his expression; his face was down and covered in shadow. "Say something, you owe me that. I can't _believe _you would get this upset over..._her_. In fact, I can't see why anyone would be shook up by this whole thing. And _you_ of all…"

My voice turned pitch black, cold and sarcastically I asked, "So…tell me, _chaos_, does she really mean that much to you? Has the truth _finally_ been revealed?"

He didn't budge.

Angrily I grabbed his shoulders and said, "**Answer** **me**."

He silently lifted his face to mine. But...there was something different about him. His eyes were wrong. Their normal green glow was replaced with an almost...burn. They looked so...

"Canaan..." He whispered, his voice broken.

...sad...

In a heartbeat he jumped to his feet and slammed into me so hard I flew back and bounced off the wall. For a split second I thought he was trying to tackle me, but...

He wrapped his arms tightly around me and buried his face into my side. His arms were crushing me so hard I could barley breathe, how could he have been that strong? I hadn't expected this reaction at all, but the more he squeezed the more I wondered…why had I been so mad at him?...there _was_ no reason to be mad at him…

"Oh Canaan..." he breathed, "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry I made you worry..."

"It's...it's okay..." I replied in a daze, "It wasn't really that big of a deal...you were just unhappy..."

He shuddered so hard against me I thought he was going to break.

"chaos?"

He gave a slight whimper.

"Are you...crying?"

_I don't think I've even seen chaos cry before. I don't even know if chaos can cry._

But his head shook no into my chest. I felt him shudder again.

I finally wrapped my arms around his trembling figure and sighed into his hair. I understood it then; he needed comfort, badly, and I was more than happy to provide. A slight guilt weighed in on me, as I took happiness in his obvious sorrow, and I was overjoyed that _she_ was out of the picture, but I could worry about all that...much later.

My hands massaged his back, calming him down, just a little bit. I think...he may have cried then, but it didn't matter. All that was important is he was here, safe and sound.

"Shhh..." I said, "There there...nothing bad is going to happen...I'm here...I'm here..."

* * *

"It's not that she was taken away that really upset me, I think, it's just...that I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"Why?"

"Let's just say you don't want to get on Wilhelm's bad side."

"I see...do you...know him?"

"...yes, in a sense."

"Is he…evil?"

"I don't know anymore. Maybe."

His head shifted on my stomach. We were both sprawled out on his bed; I sitting up, he nestled in my lap.

"I have no idea why he would want her so close to him in the first place. Although I might have a vague idea..."

"What is it?"

"Well, this isn't well known, but at the rate things are going with the Gnosis the human race could be annihilated within two years. People are starting to get really scared, you know?"

"Geeze..."

"And Wilhelm, well, he's not too fond of death. He's done almost everything he can to surround himself in powerful things...mystical things...and he's made some extremely dangerous allies along the way."

"An escape artist of death, hmm? Hey, does that mean he's as old as you?"

"…"

"Oh, sorry, forget I asked that. Please continue."

"Right. So KOS-MOS could be nothing more than something to add to his collection. But I have this nagging feeling it's something more than that...but I hope I'm wrong."

"A collection piece...is that why Shion was so upset?"

"Shion cares about KOS-MOS a lot...anyone that took her away, she'd be upset. But I think she may have a better idea than us why Wilhelm was so abrupt, even though she doesn't want to admit it."

"Why did he think he had that right anyway? I mean, Shion _made_ her with her own two hands."

"True, but technically she's still Vector merchandise, and Wilhelm has the right to "his" merchandise."

"That's cruel...to just chunk his power around like that."

"It's called having a god complex."

"Do you think this is part of the reason Vector was in such disarray the past couple of days?"

"Definitely. When the boss isn't happy, nobody is. I think...ahh..."

His train of thought was cut off by a yawn.

"You're tired," I soothed, "get some rest. We can worry about this tomorrow."

"But I'm not tired..." he said sleepily, "And what if something important happens?"

"I'll wake you if it does. I promise."

"Really? Okay…thanks..."

His eyes got heavy, then closed. He snuggled himself against my side and became very still, besides the steady breathing of his chest.

"chaos?"

"Hmm...?"

"Did...did Wilhelm once do something terrible to you?"

There was no reply. He had already fallen into his dreams.

* * *

I learned so much more about him that night then all the questions he's answered for me put together.

chaos can't stand to see anyone suffering, but he _hates_ seeing someone suffer and not be able to do a thing about it. He wants to fix all the evils in the world by himself and make everyone and everything happy. And when they're finally happy, he can be too.

But he can't. No matter how hard he tries, there will always be some jerk out there ready to screw up everything he's worked so hard to achieve. In that sense, he can never truly be at peace.

So comparing this knowledge to our current situation…

The taking away of KOS-MOS made his closets friends upset, worried, distraught. And for a reason, unbeknownst to us, he couldn't do anything to stop it. This made him upset, worried, and distraught, but he couldn't let anyone know about it or else he'd make them worry even more. So he escaped to suffer quietly. His empathy is truly monumental.

That's when I found him. And somehow, in my stupid careless way, I snapped him out of it. For the time being, of course.

_Now, what was it I said those oh so many nights ago?_

"_chaos…I will do anything for you, or for one whom you loved. That is all I can give you right now. Just this solemn oath. I will not let anything happen to you that will cause you pain."_

_Well, I choked up a bit on that last part, but perhaps I can still make this all work out._

I think I knew what I had to do

Somehow…as crazy as it sounds, and as furious as it made me…I needed to get KOS-MOS back.

* * *

I don't hate KOS-MOS. Really.

Sorry if I sound dead. I'm typing this at 1:30 in the morning, bleh. Anyway, I hope I can get ch. 14 out to you quickly!

Remember, NI!

Cheers, ATA.


	14. Long, Lonely Trip

Is it my imagination, or has the Xenosaga section on ff gotten extremely slow? My fic only got bumped down two places since the last time I updated. Sheesh…

As a special note, many people have been asking in reviews "When are chaos and Canaan goona have their first kiss?" Yes yes, I know there has been a lack of ardent smooching in this, but just to set the record strait: They will not have their first "real" kiss until the LAST chapter. LAST. I hope you'll forgive me, but this is the way it was worked out in my head. But I promise, when I DO write it, I'll make it the most romantic, lovey-dovey, tongue-tastic, PG-13 yaoi kiss I can possibly muster. So, be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

To my lovely reviewers…

Yami-chan: Such enthusiasm! Glad you liked the NI.

Aeris117: It's cool you're not so much into yaoi. I'm impressed you gave my story a shot anyway.

xchaosx: Ahh yes…I plan to drastically go into the Wilhlem thing in the remaining chapters. I'm sooo happy you like my fic!

Xeora: I have updated!

Angstling: Rita was a witch. You do have to feel sorry for Canaan, eh?

Yeshua: Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to look at your fic yet! It sounds totally cool though.

Aubuyn: Wilhelm equals bad news. He is NOT a good guy in my book.

kikyogirl900: Plan? What plan? I don't think Canaan has a plan to get KOS-MOS back, ehehe… I'll be sad when this ends too…

KOS-MOS rox: I have updated! Yayness!

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: Canaan is fairly insane, ne? Hehe. The "Stolen Kisses" title sounds utterly spiffy, I like that one the best. See above comment on the kissing situation.

Wow. TEN! YAY!

* * *

I drummed my fingers impatiently on the night stand, half expecting my call, for the third time, to be ignored. This was getting ridiculous. What could he possible be doing up there?

The rhythmic hum buzzed in my ear, and finally, I heard a beep from the other line.

"Yeah?" asked a gruff voice.

"Captain Matthews? It's Canaan."

"Oh…hey, what do you need? Wait wait, before you answer, can you tell me if you've seen that engineer of mine wandering around? He's nearly two hours late! I think he would have bothered to-"

"Umm...actually that's what I'm calling you about. I'm afraid chaos won't be coming into work anytime soon, if at all today."

"What? Why the hell not!"

"He's sick."

"Sick? Bah! chaos never gets sick! Why one time my entire crew was in bed ridden for three weeks with the nastiest space virus you ever did see, and he didn't even get a fever! He ran the ship the whole time by himself, why I bet that-"

"Captain, trust me, he's sick."

"With what?"

"I'm not sure. He didn't sleep well last night and he hasn't woken up yet today."

"And you would know this because...?"

"Well I am sharing a room with him..."

"Fine, fine, fine. But chaos sleeps all the time, that doesn't mean he's sick. Wake 'em up and put him on the phone, I'll..."

"Oh...and, um, he's running a pretty high temperature. Trust me, he doesn't look well at all."

I had hoped my tale about the sleeping trouble would be enough to convince the Captain without resorting to lying. Because, in fact, chaos _didn't_ sleep well last night; he woke up at least a dozen times very disoriented and upset and I had to patiently calm him back to sleep. Close to morning he finally fell in to a deep slumber and hadn't stirred since. When I was convinced he wouldn't wake up for a good long while, I regretfully extracted myself from his side and decided to call him in sick.

"A fever eh? Well..."

His temperature was actually only a little above average. But what the Captain didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Fine. He doesn't hafta come in. But tell him this doesn't count as paid vacation, and I expect him to work twice as hard tomorrow!"

"Right. Thank you Captain."

The phone clicked off.

I sighed and rubbed my temple slowly. I had a nasty headache to boot from combined worry and lack of sleep. I reached over and felt chaos' forehead and was relieved to find my white lie hadn't come true yet.

I felt him rustle slightly.

"Mmm?" he murmured.

I quickly snatched away my hand. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked.

"Mmm mm…" he said, still half asleep.

He picked himself up into a sitting position and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"What time is it?" He asked between mid yawn.

"Ahhh...about ten o'clock."

"Ten? Okay..."

He paused.

"Wait, ten? _Ten?_ Oh-I was supposed to be on the bridge two hours ago! The Captain's going to ki-"

"Whoa whoa relax. I already called you in sick."

"_What?"_

"Well...you had a pretty stressful day yesterday...and you didn't exactly get a good night's rest so..."

"But I don't feel sick!"

"The Captain was completely okay with it to," I added quickly, "He just said...ah, it didn't count as paid vacation and you'd better work twice as hard tomorrow."

He flopped back down, annoyance clearly written on his face.

"Great...so what am I suppose to do all day?"

"That's the best part; you can do anything you want."

"What I "want" is to go to work."

I put on my best serious face and said in a stern voice, "**No** working, I forbid it. That includes fixing anything, computing anything, or even thinking deep thoughts. You are on a strict diet of rest and relaxation, capiche?"

My teasing did get a little smile out of him. "Yes sir," he said with a mock-solute.

I got up and headed for the door.

"Don't worry," I assured him, "Everything will turn out okay."

His brows knitted. "Hey hey hey, where are _you_ going?"

"Me? I've got work to do. See ya later."

The doors swished behind me, muffling any irritated sounds of protest that might have resonated from within.

* * *

Finding some dirt before heading off on my gallant rescue on the quadrant's most well-know businessman who owned practically every single artificial life ever made…would be almost too easy.

So I thought.

Two hours and thirty minutes of research later and I had only a handful of blurbs and vague, obscure facts about that cursed Wilhelm. The news archives on the U.M.N. had completely useless information, if any at all, and only a select few "free lance" sites had anything that was even worth looking at. Even then, I couldn't tell if the "facts" were reality or myth. Some of the more creative things I found were that Wilhelm was actually a space alien seeing how fast he could take over the human race by creating enormous mechanical armies. Another said he was a being from another dimension who was over a million years old. Others said he had a powerful connection to an otherworldly plane. But none of that trash could possible be true, right?

_As I see it, the guy is either totally clean or extremely secretive. Or maybe he's so secretive it only looks like he's clean. But then if he had a bunch of stuff he wanted to keep secret, couldn't you assume that he wasn't totally good?_

_Argh._

I was getting nowhere fast, and I had this nagging feeling I was extremely short on time. This whole mess was incredibly frustrating.

_I might have to go visit him empty handed after all._

The doors to the main U.M.N. room opened and then closed behind me.

"Who's there?" I called.

A figure stumbled in and rubbed his eyes roughly.

"Allen? That you?" I asked bewildered, "You look terrible, what happened?"

He grunted and raised his head. Deep circles were under his eyes and his hair was matted against his forehead. There was a coffee stain on his Vector uniform.

"I…haven't slept…in over thirty hours…"

"_Thirty?_"

"Trying to get a hold of Wilhlem and talk to him personally…trying to get Shion to stop working and talk to _me_…"

"Is it that bad?"

"You have _no_ idea…Shion's been working non stop _forever_, and she ignores me when I try to talk to her. It's like I'm another blip on her radar again. I've been doing my best to help, but I don't know where to begin! She's just so upset, and nobody really seems to be able to cheer her up. They just don't understand the difficulty she's going through…"

I felt a twang of annoyance. "You know, Shion's not the only one who's sad about this whole thing…"

He snorted. "Believe me, Canaan, I don't think anyone deserves to be as "sad" as she is."

"But…" I began.

"What?"

"…never mind." I didn't want to start an argument. He looked like he had been through enough trouble already. "I hope you get this worked out soon. See you later Allen."

"Later…"

He sat on a stool and covered his face with his hands. He didn't look up again.

* * *

Later I found out that Helmer had contacted us with new orders for the Omega System. We needed to be there in two days. Gaignnun himself even asked him to extend the time so we could try to clear up our mess with Vector, but the orders were final. Our vacation was officially over.

We had a fierce debate if we had enough time to rendezvous with the Dammerung and see if we could get a meeting with Wilhelm personally, but no, it would be cutting it far too close. The Dammerung was currently heading in the exact opposite direction of the Omega System, and would take more than a day to get there and even longer to come back.

We were going to depart in less than an hour, without KOS-MOS.

Shion, surprisingly, took this turn of events quite well. The fire of motivation was lit when she realized the faster we destroyed Proto Omega the faster we could bring KOS-MOS home.

chaos…didn't say much while this was going on. He quietly listened in the back corner without making a sound.

_I really am worried about him…_

When the meeting was over we all shuffled out quietly, preparing for the departure. Everyone seemed exhausted and defeated, like we had already lost the impeding battle. Most returned to their rooms to get a couple winks of sleep before we had to leave.

Everyone, that is, except me. I was wide awake. Which was a new concept for me since sleeping was my new favorite pastime.

Anyway, this is how I see it:

If I'm not piloting Asher, to put it bluntly, I'm useless in battle. So I wouldn't exactly be missed if I sat this one out, right? The only thing I needed to get to the Dammerung was my E.S. Asher. This technically was mine by the way. Which I could use any time. I was only…_lending_ it to Jr. and chaos. Besides, if I wasn't back in time they could all cram into someone else's. But I would be, back in time that is. I could make it to the Dammerung and back in less than two days, it would be a lot less hassle if I just had Asher and not a huge ship.

I was going to the Dammerung and retrieve KOS-MOS, alone.

Lucky me.

* * *

If I really was going to do something as brash as fly to the Dammerung in my E.S. Asher, by myself, without any help, little ammunition, and a serious grudge on the person I was rescuing, I needed to look official. I needed my flight suit.

_I think that damnable thing is still buried somewhere in our closet. Guess I'll have to go dig it up…_

The room was pitch black when I entered. I tiptoed quietly inside as I was sure chaos was fast asleep by now…

_Wait…_

chaos was asleep, but he was in the wrong bed…

I didn't notice it at first, but instead of sleeping in his normal "bare" bed, he was buried under all the blankets and pillows in _mine_. He looked so small and thin compared to the bulky mattress around him, all curled up and clinging to the blanket.

_He must have gotten cold…that's all…nothing to be alarmed about…_

I crept to the closet and, after some finding, found my flight suit wadded up in the back corner. I grumbled and did my best to shake out the major wrinkles before putting it on. And, as usual, not zipping it all the way up. Heaven forbid I had anything constraining my neck.

I gave one last longing glance at chaos before my departure.

_I'm leaving to fight the good fight and I don't even get a kiss. Again. I guess I can wait a little longer…_

I went out the door and didn't look back.

* * *

The hangar room was quiet. I could see my E.S. towering above me, waiting patiently for me to fly her again. I wasn't about to disappoint. It had been a while since I had flown Asher, hadn't it? I did miss flying…

I punched the startup button and heard Asher hum to life. Some minor fine-tuning and then I could be out of here. Now whe-

"HEEEELOOOOooooOOOO!"

"WHAT TH-"

I yelped and fell over, coming face to face with this short, balding man wearing spectacles starring at me from above.

He blinked. "Why are you on the ground? 'Tis a silly place to be."

"I fell over no thanks to YOU."

"Oh? I didn't push you though."

"But you _startled_ me."

"So?"

"SO? Ahhh…whatever. You must be that wacky Professor guy that's living down here now. chaos told me all about you…"

"chaos? Ahh yes…the young man with the nice eyes…we like him, don't we Assistant Scott?"

"YES Professor!"

Another man, much younger, popped up from nowhere right behind me and yelled into my ear.

"GEEZ-"

"Assistant Scott, don't _startle _him. He might fall on the floor again."

"But I haven't gotten…oh never mind…"

I got to my feet and dusted myself off.

"What are you doing up this time of night?" asked the Professor.

"I need to use my E.S. to get to the Dammerung."

"Why?"

"It's none of your business."

"Is it to see the Albino?"

"The _what_?"

"The Albino."

"Albi…oh, do you mean Wilhlem? Well, yes actually…"

"Hmm…ASSISTANT SCOTT."

I jumped again. He shouted his command even though "Assistant Scott" was only two feet away.

"YES PROFESSOR."

_I am going to go deaf if I don't get out of here soon._

"Prepare his E.S. for flight. PRONTO!"

"YES Professor!"

Assistant Scott bounded off to fix up my E.S. before I left. I decided not to argue, that would lead to even more delays and exacerbate that stupid ring in my ear.

The Professor starred at me.

"Would you like a cookie?" he asked.

I starred back at him blankly.

"They're goooood…"

"Fine."

_If it'll get him to shut up…_

He dug around in his pocket and held it out in his hand. It was the weirdest "cookie" I had ever seen. It was hard and dry and bent into a crescent moon shape.

"It called a "Fortune Cookie," said the Professor, "It's some ancient tradition from some long lost culture. An old lady was selling them on a street corner at the Foundation, good price. There's a little piece of paper inside that'll tell you your fortune. Just don't eat it!"

I snapped it in half and a small slip of paper fluttered into my hand.

"Read it!" he urged.

I squinted to read the small print. "Umm…it says, "Blue is your unlucky color. If you keep your head straight, everything will fall into place."

"Ohhh…mysterious…"

"What does it mean?"

"I have no idea. I just like the cookies."

"Okay…"

He tapped his foot on the ground as if contemplating something.

"HEY!" he shouted suddenly.

"For goodness…WHAT?"

"There's an upgrade I've invented that I've been DYING to test on a Realian. Can I try it on you? Pretty please?"

"I don't have time to be your guinea pig."

"It'll only take a second! Promise!"

"What is it exactly?"

"Ohh, it's a scanning upgrade. Very cool. Makes your eyes see things they normally couldn't."

"Don't you need to get into the main data frame for an upgrade that significant?"

He blinked.

"…oh. You're right, aren't you? I guess I won't be able to use it after all…"

He slumped sadly.

_I know I'm going to regret this but…_

I felt around my pocket. It was still there, amazing.

"Well, actually, I have the code right here, so…"

"You DO? Wonderful! ASSISTNAT SCOTT!"

"YES Professor?"

"Hook him up immediately! Oh boy, I finally get to test my upgrade! Happy happy…"

Assistant Scott practically shoved me into a chair and slapped a plug into my neck.

"…happy happy happy…"

The Professor and Assistant Scott began to madly punch buttons on the console, and all the while both were singing "Happy happy happy."

_Enjoy the sights while you can Canaan. You may never be able to see again._

I heard a "click" sound in my head, and the typing stopped.

"All done! See, I told you it would be fast!"

"Feel any different?" asked Assistant Scott.

"Not really."

"Hmm…" said the Professor.

He whispered something into Assistant Scott's ear, who then bounded off toward Asher.

"Close your eyes!" said the Professor.

"Okay…they're closed."

"Initiate the upgrade," he sang.

My head hummed. I felt dizzy for a passing second, and then my eyes got a little fuzzy.

"Open!"

I blinked a few times. The light seemed a lot brighter now.

"Now," said the Professor, "Look at your E.S. Notice anything DIFFERENT? Hm?"

I looked it over carefully. I noticed a strange wispy vapor escaping from the left arm.

"The arm," I said, "There's a leak."

"Oh…I told Assistant Scott to turn on the nitrogen vent in the left system…and since nitrogen is colorless AND odorless, IT WAS SUCCESSFUL!"

"Yay!" said Assistant Scott.

_Cool…this might actually come in handy later._

"I am BRILLIANT!"

"You are BRILLIANT!"

"I'll admit this is pretty neat."

"Of course it is! Now off you go now, shoo shoo!"

I shook my head and climbed up into the E.S. with those two still celebrating down below. With the launch sequence started, Asher came fully awake with a mechanical roar. Take off was smooth and the Professor and Assistant Scott were waving madly from below.

I sighed quietly as the Durandal slipped away from view.

_No navigator for me this time…_

It was going to be a long, lonely trip.

* * *

I've actually already started to write the next chapter, well at least parts of it, so all I need to do is add some filler and put it in the right order. YES! I've been looking forward to writing the next chapter for a veeery long time. I shall be know as my "WILHELM" chapter.

Random facts about Xenosaga names for those you care.

Canaan: in the Old Testament, designation of the land to the west of the Jordan River, later known as Palestine, and the name of the reputed ancestor of the Canaanites, the original inhabitants of that land. There's also a language they spoke with the same name. ….ATA IS A CANAANITE WHOOT.

Ziggy (more specifically his "Manufacture" name, Ziggurat): ancient Mesopotamian pyramid-shaped tower that was said to be stairways to the upper realms. Cool.

MOMO: Now, for those who have some knowledge of Japanese, MOMO means, of course, peach. Albedo is being literal when he calls her "Ma peche." However, a probably smaller known fact is that it also means "thigh." I kid you not.

Be awed by the knowledge of the mighty ATA.

Cheers!


	15. Yahweh, Yeshua, Devil, Sinner

Oh. ATA had fuuuun writing this chapter. So much fun. I like this chapter. Hope you do to.

OMG. I only have one more chapter to write. Neeee….

To my reviewers…

KOS-MOS rox: Hehe. Glad you liked that part.

kikyogirl900: I like long reviews! I'm soooo happy you think my story is, how you say, emotionally inspiring? Heh. Hope your computer feels better soon.

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: No, I'm afraid I possess no power of resurrection. Or do I…? I actually got a chance to read your little pre-summary thing of "Stolen Kisses" in your bio. SPI. FFY. It looks like you've got a wicked story brewing!

Yami-chan: WHOOT!

Aubuyn: Neee, I had much fun writing the "cookie" scene.

Umm…that's it actually. See ya later…

* * *

**_Now approaching Dammerung_**

_**Time to docking point: one minute twenty two seconds**_

_**E.S. status:**_

_**Engine: Normal**_

_**Weapons: Normal**_

_**Navigation: Normal**_

**_All systems functioning one hundred percent_**

_**Now approaching dock.**_

I didn't even say goodbye.

I left him without a word or any indication where I was going. I could have upped and gone for good for all he knew.

_**Now docking**_

_**E.S. has been secured**_

I guess it's too late to worry about it now. I need to be worried about more a pressing matter, like how this far-fetched "plan" is going to even work. I wasn't worried about being caught and thrown into prison or anything; I would probably fit in quite nicely on the Dammerung. Besides, if any one asked, I was here on…business.

First things first, I needed to find out _where _Wilhelm was on this ridiculously large ship.

After walking what seemed like ten miles of corridor I finally came to a convergence point. Men and women wearing their neatly pressed, extremely colorful Vector uniforms hurried by me without a second glance.

A huge window to the "outside" was to my left. Seeing the massive buildings and those people walking on the streets down below really put the size of this thing in perspective. It was twilight, and the streets and houses were beginning to light up. The view was truly amazing.

Snapping back to reality, I noticed a strangely familiar woman wearing an orange uniform brush my shoulder as she walked past. Where had I seen her before? Did I know her? I think I actually did...

"Miyuki," I blurted.

She whirled around to find the voice who called her.

I hurried up to her. "It's Miyuki, right?" I asked, "You're Shion's friend, you designed her weapon…thing."

"Uh, yeah that's me," she frowned as if she were trying to match my face with a name, "Oh! You're that Realian who was carrying part of that, um, you-know-what data. Canaan...? Yeah! You're Canaan! What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Wilhelm on..._official_ business."

"Ahh...gotcha."

"But, actually I got lost and I don't have a clue how to find him. Can you help me?"

"Sure! No problem! This place _is _pretty big..._I _even get lost sometimes, and I work here!"

She yakked continuously while she led me down the winding hallways. I nodded and said "Is that so?" from time to time, to be polite. I had "met" her very briefly when Shion was talking to her via computer one day...I didn't figure out she was such a chatter box...

"Ah, here we are!" she chirped, stopping abruptly at an elevator, "Just take this all the way up to the top floor and you'll be in the corridor that leads to his office. It's the big blue door on the left."

"Thank you Miyuki."

"Your welcome!" She waved and then was swept away by the crowd.

* * *

The door and I were having a staring contest. The door was winning.

_What is the WORLD am I going to say to him? "Hey Wilhelm, sorry to bother you but could you give us our android back? Pretty please?" NO. WAY._

I growled and had a sudden desire to strangle the nearest inanimate object.

"Sir…I truly think that…"

_Hmm? Voices?_

"Yes…yes…but…"

I could hear them clearly now. There were voices coming from inside Wilhelm's office. He must have been at a meeting or something. Curious, I pressed my ear against the door (careful not to have it swing open on me) and listened.

"We _have_ her now…why can't we just get it over with?" A man. Young sounding.

"Why are you in such a rush, eh? Eager to see your little creation at work?" Much older sounding.

"Be patient my dear friend…all in good time." Wilhelm. Definitely. I could recognize that sickly calm voice a mile away.

"We still need too…you can come in now."

My insides nearly leaped out of me as the door I was leaning on flew open. Ears burning, I slowly looked up and came face to face with the two eerie red eyes of Wilhelm.

And…two other figures were with him, the ones I assumed I had heard, each standing by his side. Both were wearing these strange outfits, one red and one blue, with masks that had…were those beaks?

"What is a _Realian_ doing in here?" growled the man in blue.

_Nice to meet you too._

"Oh…Canaan? Oh my, what a pleasant surprise! Ignore him, he's having a bad day, please please, come in."

I shuffled my way to his desk. The Red and Blue one's eyes, though I couldn't really see them, followed me with every step. Some strange device, like a compass or clock, was positioned just behind them, slowly turning and whirling around.

"I'm sorry to have interrupted you sir," I said timidly.

"Nonsense. We were just wrapping up. I would offer you a seat, but I'm afraid I have no other. Now, what brings you here? I'm sure you didn't stop by to chat."

I took a slow deep breath. "Two of your messengers came by the Elsa the other day," I stated.

"Yes yes, I am aware of that."

"I'm sure you're familiar with KOS-MOS, correct? They took her away."

"Yes…"

"We need her back."

"That, I'm afraid, is impossible."

"Why?"

Out of the corner of my eye the man in blue was fidgeting something awful.

Wilhelm cocked his head at me.

"Why, you ask? I don't need to explain anything to you. I can do whatever I wish."

"We need her," I said through ground teeth, "We go on dangerous missions, we can't do them without her. You should realize that more than anyone."

"Canaan, to be quite frank, I have my _own_ plans for her…big plans…and I simply cannot spare her for anyone else at this time. Maybe in a month or so, bu-"

"**Boss**..." Blue hissed, interrupting our conversation.

"_What?_"

Blue fidgeted and shuddered.

"What is the matter with you? Control yourself!" snapped Wilhelm.

Blue shrank back but still continued to squirm.

_That was...odd..._

_Then again, I've gotten practically no readings for either of those two since I walked in here, so something tells me they aren't quite ordinary…_

Deciding to put my brand new upgrade to use (I knew that Professor would be good for something) I focused carefully on Blue and allowed my eyes to analyze him. There wasn't much at first, but then an outline of his true form went into my head. It was strange; it was like I was taking an X-ray of his outer from, or I was measuring a heat signature, either way it was bizarre. I couldn't distinguish enough details to identify him with a face, but I could tell he had strange scars running along his skin...

It looked like the skin had almost been...burned, but very precisely...Why do they remind me...?

_Those are no battle scars..._

I let out a cry and leaped back nearly two feet.

Wilhelm, startled, asked, "What's wro-"

"He's a DME addict!" I shouted. Not spoken loudly, shouted.I_ never_ shout…

"How did you know that?" Red asked. Wilhelm looked bewildered.

"I can just tell! No wonder he's been all worked up the moment I walked in here!"

I gripped my stomach tightly. I felt like I was going to be sick.

_That's what those scars were…he eats our…tissue, our skin, he rips us apart and assimilates us into his own body. That's like something from a bad horror movie…THE most disgusting, sick, twisted addiction..._

"Mr. Wilhelm..." I said, gaining confidence but still shaking slightly, "How do you think all _your_ Realian workers and soldiers…would react to finding out you had a DME addict working by your side? I personally don't think they would take it too well..."

His eyes narrowed.

"You wouldn't dare."

"But of course, if you gave me back KOS-MOS, maybe I'll just let it slip my mind…"

I glared daggers at Blue. "No matter how disgusting I think he is."

"Shut up you lowly piece of filth!" Blue barked.

"_Quiet!" _Wilhelm shouted, "And _you_," he said, eyes flaring at me, "Are you attempting to blackmail _me?_"

"Perhaps…"

"Boss, I can take care of him…" Red offered.

Wilhelm folded his arms across his chest. "Well, before I make any decisions here, will you at least tell me one thing Canaan?"

"And what would that be?"

He leaned forward. "What I don't understand," he said, "is why you're so hell bent on getting KOS-MOS back anyway. I had a bit of an impression that you didn't like her very much."

"I don't. It's not for me that I'm doing this if that's what you're implying," I said quickly, "I'm doing it for...a friend."

"A friend?"

"You wouldn't know him." I knew this was a lie.

"_Him?_"

I ground my teeth. "It's not any concern of yours."

He smiled. "Come now, give me a name, any name, I might consider your…_proposal_ if you do."

I quickly weighed the different outcomes in my head.

"...chaos..."

"I beg you're pardon?"

"His name's chaos. There, are you happy?"

Wilhelm leaned back in his chair.

"I see...so you're doing this for this...chaos. Interesting."

He paused.

"Tell me, Canaan, does the name "Yeshua" mean anything to you?"

"No..."

"Oh? Hmm... Another question: Why does this "chaos" want KOS-MOS back so badly anyway? Is he planning to use her for something?"

"No. He just...misses her. A lot. It made him sad when she left..."

Wilhelm rolled his eyes. "Oh for goodness sakes, is he really that _weak_ to make his friend go off and rescue _his_ damsel? People like that are such _hypocrites_, honestly, I-"

"_DON'T MAKE FUN OF HIM!" _All three jumped.

"He's not weak and he's not a hypocrite! He's just scared of _you_ for some reason! How dare you say that!"

_Why am I shouting again? Too much shouting…control your temper. But I can't stand it when people talk bad about him…_

Having recovered from my outburst, Wilhelm returned to his cool persona. He looked me over a while, then awe came across his features, like he had came to a sudden realization.

"You _love_ him! You love this…chaos don't you!"

It was my turn to jump. "I _never_ said I…"

"I know you never said it, but I can see it! I can see it in your eyes! No wonder you were acting so strange! No wonder you wanted to have your emotions suppressor removed! You fell in love with him! A Realian fell in love!"

I blushed a brilliant red. A snicker escaped from the man in blue. Wilhelm's eyes shot open and angrily he hissed out "_Silence_!"

He shrank back in shame and didn't look at me again, _good._

Wilhelm turned back to me. He laughed deeply and said, "Ah...Yeshua Yeshua Yeshua, what kind of game are you playing now?"

His laughter continued, a cruel cold laugh that felt like ice was being dug into my neck, "Canaan, listen, unless I'm dreadfully mistaken, which I _doubt_, then my Yeshua whom I've been searching _everywhere_ for, and your chaos who fears me...they are one in the same."

"What? But his name's not Yeshua…it's chaos. That's what everyone calls him. I do think you're mistaken."

He sighed. "You don't believe me? Fine."

He closed his eyes and his voice became soft. "Is your chaos…brown in skin color? Young looking, youthful, yet for some reason possesses that ashen hair? Does he have green eyes that make you feel like you're starring into a blissful watery oblivion? Because if that is your chaos, then he's been concealing the truth about himself for a very long time."

"I…umm…I…" I couldn't think of anything to say.

"You don't even no _what _he is, do you? Whom he his, whom he _was_," he was gazing at me gently now, "You don't know, do you?"

"But…it's not…"

"There there, that's all right. You couldn't have known. I'm sure Yeshua is a very good secret keeper."

I felt defeated.

"Let me tell you a story Canaan. Once upon a time there was man who loved everyone and everything. He was good and kind and pure of spirit. But then the people he loved turned against him, shunned him, hated him, even betrayed him. He became a lost lonely soul. And then…"

Anger grew in Wilhelm's eyes again.

"Do you know what Canaan? Humans are **_stupid_**. They are dull, witless masses that are panicky and scared and lazy and cruel. Such trivial things there are obsessed with, such destructive actions and bitter greed. They are just so…_imperfect_ to you and him and I. Yes, I am happy to say I'm not quite among that blithering race, neither are you and neither is he. I mean, just _look_ at their history! Murder, slavery, rape, manslaughter, lynching, war, torture, drug addiction, concentration camps, suicide, homicide..._genocide_…can you believe I'm only referring to one race? Just **one!** And believe me, it goes on and on and on..."

"But…" I began.

"What? If you have something to say, then say it."

"Well, I don't think that _all_ humans are bad…there are some good ones, aren't there?" Even as I said this I thought _Why are you defending them?_

Wilhelm laughed again, but it was a nicer laugh. "You are truly innocent at heart, aren't you Canaan?"

"Innocent?"

"Yes. You are a soldier, true, but you never chose to become one. You have killed things before, true, but only because _humans _made you. And goodness, now you're in _love_ with one of the purist spirits this universe has ever been graced by! That _is_ innocent. And in answer to your question, no, I don't think any human is truly good. They are born evil, stay evil, and only a few can somewhat suppress that evil and cover it up with what they _think_ is good."

He softened again. "But…Yeshua always thought humans were good. Even when all…that…happened, he never once faltered in his beliefs. All that he's had to suffer through…"

He looked me straight in the eye.

"Answer me truthfully. Do you love him?"

"...yes." I said with little hesitation.

"And you would do anything for him?"

"Yes."

"And he is in misery now, correct?"

"Yes."

"And if I..._gave_...you KOS-MOS back, he would be happy again?"

"Yes, I mean, I'm sure he would."

He stopped to think again.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. Take her. Take her back to her "proper place." You'd better pray to Yahweh it works, or else I _will_ come and find you."

The red man's head snapped up in attention.

"But sir-"

"Quiet. I know what I'm doing. Our plans can wait, I am in no hurry."

"Sir, if we don't act now, then we may miss our opportunity-"

"KOS-MOS will be escorted to Canaan's ship immediately! My decision is final!"

He whacked a button on his desk.

"Will you two show out dear guest back to his ship please?" He asked into the speaker.

"Yes sir," a voice replied. Wilhelm swiveled his chair around in a huff.

The doors opened behind me and yet another familiar face greeted me.

"Oh…great," I grumbled, "_You_ two again…"

The smaller of the suit's smiled at me. "Us again. Please follow me Canaan."

I scowled and followed him toward the door. Wilhelm's chair was still turned around, and he didn't look back.

"Wilhelm…?" I called.

No reply.

"Thank you…"

The compass was spinning out of control.

* * *

_It's ironic in a way, isn't it? He was the cause of all this sorrow in the first place, and only he had the power to undue it. And chaos…Yeshua…whoever he is, I really didn't know anything about him, did I? But I still love him; that will never change. And I come to think...maybe…in some weird diluted shadowy way, Wilhelm…loved chaos too._

_

* * *

_

"I'm impressed, you know." It was the smaller one. Always the smaller.

"And I'm not easily impressed. You called him out in his own territory. Wilhelm could have squashed you like an insect, but he didn't. And that earns my respect."

I just grunted. "I feel _so_ honored…"

He laughed. His dark greasy locks clung to his face.

"Canaan, do you know why my partner never speaks?" This caught me by surprise.

"No, actually, I don't." This did perk my interest quite a bit. The tall, dark, sunglass wearing man that always walked behind him didn't say much, did he?

"He watched his wife and daughter be slaughtered by Realian soldiers during the Miltian Conflict. He hasn't spoken a word ever since."

This fact did honestly startle me. I felt ashamed all of sudden, and wished I were back in my E.S. heading home…

"Just keep that in mind. Not everything is black and white you know. Nothing is truly good, and nothing is truly evil. It is all a fine shade of gray."

"Huh, I don't know what to believe anymore," I snorted, "I used to think all humans were generally good, but then there's people like that…horrible man in Blue. Wilhelm claims all humans are evil, but what about all the Saints and Holy men of the past? And now you say everything is gray. I just don't know."

He stopped in the corridor and cleared his throat. "For starters, Wilhelm might not look it, but he's actually very disturbed on the inside. Second, Saints and Holy men waged war and did terrible things just like everyone else. Lastly, the man in Blue was once in love with a Realian. You see? All gray."

My eyes widened. Was all that really true?

He turned around and smiled at me. For the first time I think I saw a faint glimmer of a soul.

"Goodbye, my friend," he said, "I hope we meet again."

I said nothing to his retreating back. I climbed into Asher without a word, KOS-MOS safely secured in the back, and finally went home.

* * *

chaos was working. Again. Surprise surprise. He was so absorbed in his work on the bridge that he didn't acknowledge me when I walked in. He didn't turn around when I crept up behind him. 

"_What are you doing working again, eh?"_ I asked loudly into his ear.

He yelped and jumped up.

"_Canaan!"_ he gasped, partly from shock, partly from surprise, "You _scared_ me!"

He quickly hurried over for an embrace. "Where have you _been_? I've been worrying myself to death, I didn't know what happened…I thought you were taken away too, I…"

"Hey hey, relax, I'm fine, see? Nothing to be worried about."

He sighed in relief. "Oh good…I'm so glad."

Then he scowled. _Uh oh._

"What is the matter with you!.? Going off without even telling me! I nearly had a fit looking all over the place for you! I should…"

"_Whoa_, before you get mad, I have a surprise for you."

"So?"

"Please just look at it before you bite my head off okay? I think you might like it a lot…"

KOS-MOS briskly walked in on her cue. She stood quietly and blinked at chaos.

chaos' jaw…dropped. There was no better way to describe it, it just dropped.

"KOS-MOS?" he asked.

"Yes," she said in her emotionless voice, "Canaan brought me back from the Dammerung only a few minutes ago."

"But how…where…"

She turned to face me. "I did not get a chance to thank you properly. So, I thank you for your assistance in my return."

"…you're welcome," I said quietly, "But I actually didn't do that much…"

"KOS-MOS," whispered chaos. He was positively beaming. "I'm so happy you're back…"

My insides turned to stone.

"You have to tell me everything!" he said, "What happened over there? Did they do anything to you? What was…"

I slowly crept to the door. Neither noticed as KOS-MOS was patiently answering all of chaos' persistent questions. He was still glowing and smiling, he really did look happy.

_Told you Wilhelm. _

I left the bridge.

_You should be proud of yourself. You went against all odds to bring her back, and now you've made him happy. That's good, right? If he's happy, then you're happy for him. Right? Everything worked out for the better. There is absolutely nothing to be sad about. Right?_

Then why did it feel like my heart was dying?

* * *

ATA: …? 


	16. The End of Stars

AHH. I AM COMPLETELY SPAZZOID. THE FINALE. THE LAST CHAPTER.

I really hope I wrote it well, that is, the fluffy parts. It felt like this thing poured out of me I wrote it so fast…E! Hope you like!

To my reviewers…

thequietgenius: Hehe, everybody does love chaos, don't they? And I will leave you to ponder the Wilhelm thing, yes?

Angstling: It's all good. Glad to have you back. Hehe, I hope chaos makes it up for you in this chapter, eh? And Wilhelm, bit of a soft spot for me too.

KOS-MOS rox: Thanks! Enjoy the finale!

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: ATA doesn't have a whole lotta love for c/KM either. Neh. SCHOOL IS EVIL! I want pocky too…

The Flamer: Okay, look. First of, if you dislike my story so much, then why do you keep reading it? Secondly, what don't you like about it? If you're just saying it to be mean, that's one thing, but if you seriously don't like it, give me a specific reason! Lastly, telling me a chapter sucks is not good motivation for an update!

Goggle: Conclusion is here! Happy belated birthday!

Aubuyn: Hehe. Glad you liked the Virgil part. I think this chapter will cheer you up!

To all: My reviewer system has been on the fritz lately, so I apologize if I didn't get a review you sent. Hopefully it's fixed!

AHH!

* * *

The stars were mocking me. 

Their bright, twinkling winking lights shown through majestically through the glass hull of the park. The sheer brilliance made my eyes hurt, even though I knew they were so far away. They were laughing at me in their high place in the heavens, saying "Look at that poor, pitiful fool down there…"

_You are a fool._

What kind of confused person am I? Who goes off to risk life and limb to save someone, not only whom they hated with a fierce passion, but who was also their biggest love rival? Even when I knew she would be brought back eventually, I still went.

_I am such a fool._

And what did it get me? _Nothing_. I vanished from his sight the moment she walked through that threshold. I became a nobody again. He became out of my reach again.

In a way, he was like the stars.

_So far away…_

_

* * *

_

I'm not sure how long I sat there, on that bench, in the exact same spot where this all started. I called him "Friend," he called me "Comrade." It felt like it happened so long ago, but it didn't.

The park technically was supposed to be closed, so there wasn't anyone there but me. There was a glitch in the temperature controls that made the whole area bitter cold. But I didn't mind. The cold helped clear my head.

I squished myself in a ball on the bench, hugging my knees to my chest. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of silence echoing in my ears. The white environmental bugs hovered around my head, undisturbed by the cold as well. One landed on my knee, but I was too lazy to swat it away.

_Maybe if I stay this way long enough, I'll disappear. I wouldn't mind disappearing right now. It would save me a lot of trouble, I think. I could wander about the ships freely, without having to deal with anyone. I don't think they would miss me anyway…_

"I'd be sad if you disappeared."

My heart leapt, but I still didn't move. I knew it was chaos. Who else would it be? Never mind the fact that he could tell what I was thinking…or that I didn't hear him approaching…or that I didn't hear the doors open…

"You went away. I was worried I wasn't going to be able to find you. Why did you leave?"

I snorted. "I thought you wanted some "alone time" with KOS-MOS."

I heard him sight behind me. "It's not like that…"

He gave a little chuckle, "Besides, about five minutes after you left Shion came onto the bridge and…well, let's just say there was a bit of a commotion. After that I came looking for you."

"I'm _so _glad you noticed."

He walked around the bench so he was standing in front of me.

"You're angry with me. I can tell. That's okay, I deserve it."

"Yes, you do." I hated myself for saying that.

"I'm very sorry Canaan. You must have worked hard to bring her back, and I didn't even acknowledge it."

He leaned his head a little closer. "Will you be able to forgive me?"

I averted my eyes from his. "Maybe…"

He grinned. "Good!" he said, and that made it final.

He stood back up and stretched his arms over his head. He let out a yawn and said, "Wow it's been a long day…"

"You're telling me."

"Heh, I guess yours was much more eventful than mine. How in the world did you get KOS-MOS back anyway?"

"It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be…"

I gave him a detailed summary of my "rescue mission." I did leave out the part about Wilhelm having a DME addict running around in his office, and how I attempted to blackmail him for it, and how Wilhelm figured out I was in love with chaos, and how I knew his real name was Yeshua, and…

Well, I guess I left a lot out. I more or less just told him I went there and made a deal with Wilhelm. I didn't get much more specific than that.

"I see…" he said when I was finished.

"So, as you can tell, I wouldn't mind just being alone right now. You understand."

"Of course," he said. Was it my imagination or did he sound sad?

"Can you…just answer one more question for me?"

"Go ahead."

"Why?"

"Hnn?"

"Why did you go after KOS-MOS? There has to be a reason, isn't there?"

This rather caught me off guard. I struggled to make up some excuse, but then I fond I had none.

"I…just felt like it."

"You _felt_ like it? You're a terrible liar Canaan. Now _why _did you go_?"_

I fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well…you see…you were…umm…"

"What about me?"

"You were just so upset, I mean, really upset. I didn't like to see you that way. So I…"

"Wait, are you saying you went after her because I was sad? You did it for me You went there because of _me_?"

"Yeah, basically."

I expected him to be grateful. But then I noticed his face had darkened considerably.

"That was really stupid of you Canaan."

I faltered. "_Excuse_ me?"

"It was stupid! I can't believe you did that! Wilhelm…he could have killed you! Or worse!"

"Well what did you expect me to do! Sit around and watch you sulk away into oblivion? Just because you were afraid of him doesn't mean I was!"

"He's _dangerous!"_

"He's just a little psycho! And I came back in one piece, didn't I!"

We were in an all out shouting contest now.

"_You still could have been hurt!"_

"_It was a risk I was willing to take!"_

"_I would have gotten over it eventually you know!"_

"_I didn't want to wait around for eventually!"_

"_**I'm not worth it to risk your life!"**_

"_**Or course you are! I LOVE YOU!"**_

I gasped and clamped my hand over my mouth as if I had said something horrible. I half-expected him to knock me out right then and there, but he didn't. The shouting had stopped though.

_I said it. I can't believe I finally said it. After all that…I finally said it. What am I going to do now?_

I was too terrified to say anything or look up at his face. He didn't say much either. I sat there covering up my head with my hands, he stood there looking down at me.

Finally, chaos shifted his feet and leaned closer to me.

"Canaan…?" He asked quietly.

I tried to reply but all that came out was a small squeak.

"Are you okay…?"

I didn't look up.

He let out a soft sight. "Come here…" he said.

He took away my hands from my face and replaced them with his own. His thumb gently brushed away the bit of moisture that was threatening to fall out of my eye. He wasn't wearing his gloves; his hands were so warm…

"Don't be sad…" he soothed.

All the while I sat there utterly motionless.

He leaned in closer until our noses were practically touching. I could feel his breath on my lips.

"Say it again…" he finally whispered.

"Say…what again?" I asked, puzzled.

"Say…that you love me again, please…"

I felt my face grow hot. "I…I love you chaos," I said again.

He beamed down at me. He was gorgeous.

"You're so cute when you blush…" he said.

Miffed that he was teasing me at such a serious moment, I opened my mouth to protest…

And then he kissed me.

…_Mmmpht? _

_chaos is kissing me? chaos is kissing me! Ahh ahh, what am I suppose to do! My lips are frozen, my eyes won't shut, my hands are dead! How dare he do this when I'm not prepared! What should I DO!_

…_oh gods this feels amazing…_

I felt a little…strange, at first. I had no idea what a kiss would actually feel like. But I quickly decided I liked it. A lot.

chaos' lips were so soft…and so _warm_, I never imagined they would feel this good. His mouth moved over mine slowly, sensuously, and when he pressed in closer I thought I was going to melt.

His hands moved away from my face so he could wrap his arms around my head. He ran his tongue along my lower lip, asking permission to enter. I more than readily complied.

It was an indescribable feeling. He moved his lips and tongue over mine in perfect synchronicity, exploring me, slowly driving me insane. I was beginning to see spots. I couldn't help but wonder…_where did he learn how to do this?_

The awkwardness in me finally vanished. I quickly wrapped my arms around him and pulled him even closer, which earned me a little gasp. I did my best to copy his movements, praying to whatever deity out there that I was doing it right. I must have though; his body shuddered under my touch.

I'm not quite sure…how long we kissed, but I would have been happy to stay like that for an eternity. We finally broke apart, but our hands still clung to each other. His chest was heaving, his cheeks were flushed, and his lips were puffy. He looked a little dizzy as well, but then again, so was I.

He collapsed against my left shoulder and curled the rest of him into my lap. He planted a little kiss below my ear, just above my green tattoo marking. His breathe was still coming rapidly, and his tiny frame trembled against mine. Or maybe that was me who was shaking.

I rubbed my hands around on his back, through his hair, anything to get him calm again. Both of us were completely exhausted, but it was our very first kiss. And I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything else in the world.

"I love you…" I heard him say, and for the first time I was able to smile. A real smile.

I was finally complete.

* * *

"chaos?" 

"Yes?"

"Um, I'm just curious, but when did you, you know, realize it?"

"Realize what?"

"That…you had feelings for me."

He grinned. "Just now."

"Just _now_?"

"Yep."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. If you loved me enough to go and save KOS-MOS from the most powerful man in the quadrant just to see me smile again, then yes, I loved you for that."

"You didn't just say it because I did, did you?"

"Of course not."

"Okay. Good."

"What about you? Something tells me you've been contemplating this for a very long time."

"Yeah, well, do you remember that night a week or so ago when we all went out to dinner at that restaurant?"

"Yeah."

"That night I realized the funny feeling I'd been having all day was love. I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack."

"Hehe, I'm surprised you didn't try to glomp me in my sleep."

"I thought about it."

"I know you did. Fiddling with my hair when you thought I wouldn't find out…"

"Eh? You knew? You _weren't_ asleep? Why didn't you do anything?"

He snuggled a little closer. "I kinda liked it. Besides, I _would_ have given you a heart attack if I leapt up all of sudden and trashed you for messing with my hair."

We both laughed.

"You know…" I began, "You do realize that not too long ago we were practically ready to knock each other's head's off."

"True. Amazing how things like that can change so quickly. But I like this _much_ better…"

I just grinned.

"But…you know," he said, "you've done so _much_ for me…I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you."

"You don't have to. Just you existing makes me happy."

"Really? That's so sweet…"

He wiggled around and pulled himself away so he could look at my face. "Canaan? I hate to say this, but I have to go back to work now."

"_Now?_" I whined, "But…"

"I know I know, but I need to. It's my job. I'll meet you back in the room tonight, okay?"

"…okay. I'll be waiting."

He gave me a parting peck on the lips and carefully wobbled to his feet. He had to lean on the back of the bench for support, (we had been sitting for quite some time) then briskly walked to the door.

I remembered there was still something I needed to tell him. "Hey, hold on a second!" I called.

He spun around. "Yes?"

"You see, Wilhelm…told me some things about you...um, disturbing things. I'm not sure if they're true, but, I just wanted to tell you…that it doesn't matter to me, what happened in the past. None of it does. I'll still care about you no matter what."

A serene look of peace settled on his features, and I knew my statement meant the world to him. He quietly turned around and walked away.

The starlight reflected on his back and shimmered off him perfectly. It bounced around all over, like it was so dazzled it didn't know where to go.

It gave you the feeling he had wings.

* * *

I didn't know up from down as I floated down the hallway. The only thing apparent to me was that I was in a very hazy daze, and many people were giving me strange looks as I went down the Durandal corridor. I had already bumped into three people without giving them an apology, because, I hadn't realized I'd done it. I was beyond ecstatic, I was beyond bliss, _the person I loved just kissed me._

Reality came back, however, when I noticed an extremely short redhead leaning against the wall near my room.

Jr. didn't look very happy either.

"Hello…_Canaan,_" he said with no small amount of spite.

"Err, hi Jr. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know, just lounging about…"

I shrugged and moved to pass him but he just shoved me back.

"What was _that_ for?"

"You owe me an explanation!"

"For what?"

"For what? For **what?** KOS-MOS comes back telling everyone _you_ came and saved her, Shion's freaking out with happiness, the whole ship is in an upheaval because now they think Wilhelm's going to come after us, Allen goes off to look for you and then he comes back in a fuss saying that he's "lost a kissing bet," and when I asked him what he meant…"

Jr. looked like he was going to explode. "He told me you were_ kissing **my best friend**_**!"**

_Note to self. Kill Allen the next time I see him._

"So yeah! I think you owe me some kind of explanation! Why the **hell** were you kissing chaos!"

I blinked. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"_Wrong_? You're both, both of you are-"

"Jr, if the next words that come out of your mouth are "because you are both guys" then I will seriously have to strangle you."

He huffed in annoyance. "Ugh, will you at least tell me one thing? Did you kiss him or did he kiss you?"

"He kissed me."

He rubbed his eyes. "Figures. I should have seen this coming a mile away…"

He put his hands on his hips. "Is it a mutual love relationship?"

"Huh?"

"You love him, he loves you, that kinda thing."

"Yeah."

"Are you positive?"

"Most definitely."

"It's not just a fling?"

"No, it's not."

His eyes narrowed. "You two aren't going to get that weird lisp thing or start going around in girl clothes, are you?"

"No."

"Well," he said smartly, "Then I guess I don't have a problem with it."

"What are you, his father? chaos can take care of himself."

"Yeah, but he's also very easy to worry about, you know? I just want to make sure he's happy."

"Don't worry, I'll keep him happy…and very, _very_ safe."

"Good!"

Jr. marched by me in the other direction. I just rolled my eyes.

"Oh, and Canaan…"

"Hm?"

He turned around again to face me. "If you hurt him, I'll kill you."

I gulped. I knew he was serious.

I hurried into our room before Jr. decided to give me another interrogation. I kicked off my clothes and flung myself into bed, eager for rest.

But then I instantly missed him. The room seemed so cold and unfriendly without him there, my chaos. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a warm body to hold while you slept? That's what I wanted…

I fell asleep and hoped for dreams.

* * *

I remember him stumbling in at about one o'clock in the morning, confetti and streamers all messed up in his hair. A "KOS-MOS returns" celebration no less. Whether it was work, the party, or a combination of the two, it kept him away longer than I would have liked. But I shouldn't be jealous, I had nothing to worry about now. He slowly crept into the other room and I heard the water running. I fell asleep again after that. 

My "nap" didn't last long though, I think. What seemed like two seconds later I felt someone shaking me awake.

"Nnnn?" I grumbled half asleep.

"Move," he said.

I vaguely remember scooting over to make room for him. I do remember something soft and delightfully warm curling up next to me, nestling on my shoulder…

When I awoke he was still there, sleeping. He clung to me firmly and his silver hair was all tangled with mine. I remember starring at his face for the longest time, hours even, just starring. I couldn't help it. Such a beautiful face…and all mine…

_Rest love. There is still so much more to do._

_**End**_

_**

* * *

**_

YAAAAAAAY!

WHAAAAAAA!

…I don't know whether to be happy or sad. But WHOOT! My first multi chapter story is finished! I want to thank _everyone_ for giving me your steadfast commentary and support! I really couldn't have done it without you!

Geeze, I sound like Miss America or something. Anyway…

Sequel? Probably. But not for a while, sorry! I need to re-edit this sucker first, don't know how long that's going to take. And I really really want to start an FMA story, I've been dying to do one! Wanna live up to the rest of my name, you know? Heh. But be forewarned, it will probably be an Ed/Al centered fic. If that's not your cup of tea, it's cool. You don't have to read it!

I had a blast writing this story! Canaan and chaos forever!

Ahh, farethewell friends, until we meet again!

-ATA


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